Is your level of (in)security in relationships normal?

As you know, I write for and about a lot of different kinds of people, and the same rules don’t apply to all of them. Some are prone to thinking “if I love you, you should love me because I love you” and some think “I wouldn’t love anyone who loves me…” And everything in between.

The Normal Person* -types tend to have the problem that they take any sign of a relationship as a commitment. Just to give you an idea on what we are dealing with here: A woman in her late 40’s refers to this guy as “her boyfriend”. Upon inquiry as to what does it actually mean, she says “he invited me on the parking lot to show me his dog” and “he eats with me in the cafeteria during breaks” and “I hugged him in the elevator, but he pushed me away”. This is a real life example from (a non-client) a deemed normal woman, deemed fit to handle her own life and decisions. So she’s pretty much the extreme, and then we start getting up from there. Still, a fairly normal situation is where a woman has had sex with a guy and believes this is a sign of a life-long commitment. Things get more confusing when a relationship starts off beautifully, but the other party (usually a male) puts on the breaks and attempts to leave the relationship but she won’t let her. (Stereotypically the situation would be reversed, but men don’t get to do this for long before the woman’s male friends deliver the message all the way home if you catch my meaning. The reverse isn’t true, but the man can be completely locked into a relationship he can’t get out of, no matter what he does, physical violence included.) So… If you are relatively well clued in on what constitutes an actual relationship and WHAT DOES NOT, nobody is constantly screaming at you to leave them alone, and nobody regularly beats you up in a relationship telling you to leave, you’re probably on the danger end of being too cautious in relationships than over-cautious.

So… As far as True Mirror Sprit relationships go, I can’t normally boost people’s self-confidence enough. One of the symptoms is that TMS’s have a simultaneous heartfelt certainty about it and at the same time “a sensible” feeling that it is too good to be true… Or that there’s some small thing wrong and it feels like a gigantic problem to overcome; they seem to be looking for an excuse to run.

The only people who need to learn realism are the Normal Person* types, who TRULY have no idea, while the Savants* have more the trouble of being over-sensitive and over-cautious in relationships.

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