The trick to sexy is to be everything that you are at once

Charismatic, alluring, captivating, whatever the word… Whenever a person is something amazing, it all really comes down to their ability to be everything they are at once.

Clearly, we do not do everything that we do all at once, you don’t parent your kids while you fuck your girlfriend, nor do you serve your clients while you’re hanging out with your friends, hopefully, but what the charismatic people do is that they don’t hide what else they are when they walk into a new situation. They are everything at once.

I know I hide a lot when I am around my family. They are the last people I want to really know who I am. I feel judged and evaluated and criticised at all times, and on top of that, I feel like my mom is always looking for ways to find the psychological flaw that made me this way so she could fix me and make me normal. That’s when I get constricted, small, meaningless, inane, one-sided. I give them but a slither of what I actually am, the small section I figure they’d approve of. We clamp up and turn cold when we feel judged by those who we wish loved us.

Whenever we feel truly… Whenever we really wish to be something for someone, we tend to hide ourselves from them. The fewer people know and love you for who you are the harder it is for you to allow someone you truly like to see the full spectrum of what you are, no matter how amazing you’d be.

Remind yourself of everything that you are. A lot of us find it really difficult to reveal the child in us, the truly childish child, the one that was afraid of everything and pretty nerdy or wimpy, when we’ve grown up into somewhat of the opposite. We learned to hide the wimpy kid we never even wanted to be but were. (Too recently, too, while pushing 40 or 50.) It is also not helpful when the parents are just looking for signs of THE CHILD they loved so they can latch onto the child they lost when you’re trying to break free from them, and find independence while this “they will be my babies forever” -parenting culture rages on like the putrid viral infection that it is. Trusting someone to see the child you were is a major test of trust inside a relationship, because so many people, women especially, have trouble allowing the adult rise back up once they’ve seen the child.

A lot of people reject the inner child completely once they grow up. They barely remember having been a child, to many people, childhood seems to be a time that didn’t really even happen. My mother is one of those people. Whenever I ask her to tell me something about her childhood (me and my brother used to love hearing stories of our aunts and uncles “being little” but our mom NEVER “remembered anything”. She repeats one story, and that is it and looks at her sister in dismay when she tells stories of them two together like she wasn’t even there. Anyway. This is an intercept for another post about soul splitting theory.)

In some relationships, hiding the child is smart, but once deeply in love with someone, showing the child, too, becomes an importance. However, more importantly than that… What are you now that you like about yourself, all of those things at once? People tend to have a bad habit of trying to categorize you, and I have been nothing but guilty of helping them do it: at some stage I had probably 10 different Twitter accounts for each type of a person who might want to follow me, so that I wouldn’t confuse them too much by talking about unrelated topics… And there’s a lot of unrelated topics when it comes to me… Don’t let people make you one-dimensional simply so they’d know how to deal with one section of you, or split yourself into several digestible sections so they’d know what role you play.

Let yourself be, try to learn not to control everything you are, and if you can’t stop trying to control things, give up the attempt to control your need to control yourself. Give yourself a break after break after break, don’t beat yourself up about things, simply acknowledge, process, deal, move on. (What made you say that stupid thing. Figure it out. Why did you behave that stupidly in that situation, figure it out and move on. Why do you always analyze everything that you think about? Figure that out and allow yourself to keep analysing… Or figure it out and stop – depending on your conclusions.)

Being everything you are at once is to not bother yourself too much with the question of what should you be in this situation, how you should behave – don’t worry about the role you’re supposed to play in a certain situation and allow yourself the fun and exciting parts of that role. And stop laughing at yourself when you do something silly. Quit making excuses for yourself. Quit explaining for yourself. A nervous laughter is simply a sign you are not certain about how people will perceive you… Or whether or not it is okay to do this or be like so… Like a girl giggling at a guy’s touch… If you find yourself giggling, figure out why you’re giggling, and you can explain it to him, too, with no drama: “Omg I feel so naughty I don’t know which way to be. I never do this sort of thing, I turn into a giggling fool…” Guaranteed that would make your guy feel like the biggest stud. Always try to reveal everything, guys, too. Everything. I am so crap at doing this myself, but damned I should learn to, but I love it when guys talk during sex… Or describe how they feel looking at my photos. I love their reactions, and I’m quite certain I’m not the only girl like that. One of my True Emotion Mirrors has suddenly gone old. I have trouble finding the right reaction to it, but the right reaction is to notice it. Because in truth, even if he is old, he’s still the same man he always was, just… Older. There’s no reason to look away from that. And there’s a lot of years to love that he’s lived… Even though he could have used some of them better still. :p

Notice everything, acknowledge everything, allow yourself all emotions, feelings, memories, even conflicts. The majority of our conflicts in spirit is managed (not solved) with a “oh what the fuck did I just think? I don’t know where that came from, it’s bullocks, please don’t get offended, it’s something but I know it’s nothing like what it sounded like, please don’t take offense!” It simply buys you time while you figure out where the h*** all your conflicts are coming from.

Try and give yourself a conscious idea of who you are. All of your sides put together. Everything you acknowledge being, what you wish you weren’t but are… Everything you wish you were but aren’t (even that says a lot about a person) and whatever… Then, try and bundle it all into the word “I”, so that every time you say the word “I”, you remind yourself that you are a complex being, and others should treat you as such.

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