Dangerous Thinkers and Dangerous Combinations
I will try and remind you of some possible dangers involved with online dating. I don’t want to scare the daylights out of you – although some of this will raise the hairs in the back of your neck. Hopefully, I’ll be able to give you MORE confidence when you know you have gotten better prepared.
This list doesn’t contain all possible dangers, because as twisted as my mind is, even I can’t think of everything.
Mismatch of relationship goals
MEN are in danger here: He thinks “let’s see how this goes”, she thinks “together whatever comes!”
We have been conditioned to think that domestic violence is always the man’s problem or that the woman is the victim. Quite unbelievably, a lot of domestic violence cases is about self-defense that looks like domestic violence. When one partner is unable to exit the relationship freely, be it male or female, we are talking about restriction of freedom of an individual, which is completely and utterly against the law in all western cultures.
Start of the relationship
This is what happens. A man is first pestered into starting a relationship with a somewhat desperate woman. She may then claim that because he has already slept with her, they’re a girlfriend and a boyfriend. She becomes possessive and controlling, demanding all the perks of a girlfriend, even though he hasn’t really said yes to the relationship yet. Gradually, he realizes he has gotten too deep with a… shall I say it… a lunatic.
He tries to break up with her, she doesn’t take him seriously. She nullifies his words with “don’t be like that”, “oh I don’t want to break up”, or “you can’t break up with me”. To her friends, she is complaining how “he’s threatening her with a breakup”. When they go out, he is trying to tell everyone they’re no longer together, she keeps telling everyone that oh yes they are. When he tries to meet new women, she insists he is cheating on him and “being abusive”.
The progression to violence
He tries to break up nicely first. He tries to reason with her. He tries to organize a way for her to leave him safely. He takes her to her mother’s house for instance and asks her to stay. She comes back every time. Eventually, he starts losing his patience and his respect for her. He starts talking nasty to her, thinking she’d react by leaving him. She won’t. So he ups the anti of being the biggest asshole in the world until he sees no other option but to start beating her up. Every time he thinks a bigger bruise would do it, but she won’t go. This may keep escalating endlessly.
Preventing and combating it
How to prevent: Ask your dates how do they make the difference between a one night stand, a casual relationship, and a steady, committed relationship. If, for one thing, they “don’t do one night stands” but are willing to sleep with you on the first date, be aware that this may mean, to them, that you will be in a relationship from the first night on in their mind. Don’t cross the border with a person you don’t intend to stay with. You may also want to ask them how do they know someone wants to break up with them. This is kind of a relationship safeword. If your date thinks you’re weird, show them this post.
How to combat: Get a restraining order against her. Make sure you report all and any breaches of it no matter how minor. (Grown men are expected to figure out what to do and where to go when their wife kicks them out. I’m sure grown women will figure it out, too. If you are worried, give her money to survive on for a day or two or take her to a half-way house.)
Rapists Motivations
“You shouldn’t have trusted the wrong guy”
Will react to the “even women are responsible for their own actions” rule on this website. They will, therefore, consider themselves exempt from responsibility and have a license to lie. He will try to lure an unsuspecting “responsible” woman somewhere where he can rape her freely. He wants to teach a woman “not to trust the wrong guy”.
He will act nice and attentive, even overly so. He may over-do his friendliness in order to give you a signal that he’s not to be taken seriously, “no man is this nice”. He may also act completely naturally, only to gain your trust that he will then abuse. Oddly, he’s not so keen on trying when he’s made responsible for the woman who is supposed to trust his snake self.
His subconscious goal is to make you afraid of men again. This restores the power balance of the genders and makes women subject to the masculine power.
How to combat: Be emotionally ready to accept the fact that you MAY NOT SEE THIS COMING. Forgive yourself for the fact you are not superhuman, and you MAY trust the wrong guy. This will remove the lies you’ve been telling yourself, which say you should be able to prevent rape from happening if you are a smart woman. That’s bullshit. Don’t be ashamed to admit it is possible to be conned no matter how switched on you are.
When you accept the fact you MAY be raped and don’t feel ashamed of it, your demeanor changes. You won’t be afraid (tempting to a rapist) that you’re also not defiant or “asking for it”. You become somewhat of a lukewarm victim. The chances are the rapist will skip you as a victim and seek for a bigger rush than you’ll be able to provide. (Don’t over-congratulate yourself for smarts, though, usually doesn’t end well here.)
“You are not untouchable”
(Also; “you are not better than I am.”)
This rapist seeks to restore the power balance back to gender equality. If you raise yourself above all men in general, flaunt how you’ve got the right to dress in sexy shirts and what not, without it being a sexual signal, how you are allowed to flaunt your sexuality in front of a guy while he has to keep it tucked in and respect you as a ‘non-sexual’ individual, you might as well be waving a red flag in front of a bull. This rapist type will remind you that you are not above him as a female, and quite frankly I agree with the sentiment, just not with the method.
“If you fuck that guy and that guy, you also must fuck me”
For polyamorist women, this is a problem. These men assume that if you give consent to more than one man simultaneously, you also owe it to him to give him a fuck. Now… This is polyandrist male thinking, so our guys actually think this way, but obviously, when it goes to the rapist area, we’re talking about a man who has very little going for him. Normally, polyandrous men think: “If you fuck me, you should also fuck my best friend…” which is sweet as, but the low-level polyandrist man doesn’t have a best friend. He is submissive to ALL MEN and therefore he sees all men as his potential sexual partners. (No standards.) Therefore, if you fuck one random guy, he should also get a fuck.
How to combat: Tell your boyfriends to be on alert for men like this and ready to rough him up a bit… Verbally, of course. If he persists, get a restraining order.
“Bush raping is exciting for her, too!”
Believe you me when I say that people are truly rarely bad people. This includes rapists. When someone grabs you at random, women often fear that fighting back will get them into a bigger trouble still. However, if the rapist thinks this is actually sexy for you, too, they will give you every opportunity to fight back before they do the deed. If you don’t, they take it as a kind of a “yes okay”. Therefore, initially, fight and scream as much as you can. If he gets more excited or more aggressive, THEN turn into a dead fish, and act as indifferent as you can, like this had 0 effect on you whatsoever, as that should make an aggressive rapist think bedding you is not worth the charges and lose interest in you.
Child predators
Although I am doing my best to keep children off this site, there are parents on this website. Single mothers with children. Now… Here’s your catch 22: If a guy is terribly interested in how many children you have, what they look like, what are their names… Be careful. This may not denote a wish to make a permanent relationship with you, as in “taking you seriously”, but vetting for his real interest: your kids.
A normal guy will ask you if you have kids, but the topic of kids should be dropped quite early on and the talk should become sexual between you and him. If he keeps bringing up the kids a lot, I’d be very cautious. If he seems preoccupied with them, constantly suggesting “family outings” and the like, particularly before you’ve had a sexual relationship with him, that would sound very alarming to me.
What is worse, if you keep openly telling a random guy on a dating website about your children, he may take it as an agreement. He may think that you KNOW what he is up to. He may assume that you will ALLOW HIM a sexual access to your children and that you agree that this is not harmful to the children. He may further assume that you will protect him against the law enforcement if there’s any suspicion coming his way.
Writing your profile
When you write your profile, mention how you feel about your potential date having children, rather than mention YOUR kids. Also, maybe encourage others to read these instructions, as they may not have, especially if you see someone talking about their kids here.
For this reason, I do not include a profile field that reveals that a person has children. Do not mention your children TO ANYONE on this site (or any other dating website for that matter), particularly their names and ages. If you are decidedly childfree (don’t have children or want to have them, EVER), mention that in your profile, but DO NOT mention your children. Make it very difficult for a person to find out whether or not you’ve got kids. Hopefully, these guys go hunting elsewhere.
How do I know all this?
I feel the need to tell you that I don’t actually have a network of rapists, predatorial pedophiles, wife bashers, cheaters, and other rifraf in my circle of friends, even if I do consider myself “a pervert”. I have collected this information through spiritual conversations with the said folk, and although I am far from being judgemental of their actions, and even agree with pedophiles on certain points, I do not associate with these people. I say this not only because it is true, but also to save my friends from funny looks from people who assume that I know shady folk simply because I understand the way they think.
To make it abundantly clear: I do not help or enable pedophiles to find victims. I try to actively keep this from happening DESPITE the fact I hold some controversial ideas about pedophilia. I, for one thing, feel it would be of a lot of children’s best interest to acknowledge that children CAN BE sexual, and be so without any provocation from an adult. (How do I know that? I know because I had my first BDSM related sexual fantasy at the ripe age of 3. Unprovoked, because I am a very, very old soul and a sexy past life memory started seeping in. I was, also, at the age of 3, mature enough to know I was too young for what I was thinking. I’ll tell you the full story later I’m sure.)
Neighbors talking, loss of reputation
Not all gossip is malicious. Sometimes people like to talk about you simply because your life is more interesting than theirs – genuinely. They’ll even happily admit it. It may make you feel a bit better to realize that some gossip is exchanged in pure love of who you are and in the mindset that you’re a local celebrity who makes everyone else’s life a little less dull and predictable thanks to you. 😉
Your marriage
Obviously, ideally, I don’t recommend using this site behind your spouse’s back, but people will, most likely, so here are some ideas.
Make sure you know what you are doing and why you are doing it. Don’t assume your spouse “knows” that “everyone cheats”. Not everyone cheats, not even naturally non-monogamous people do. How do I know? I know because despite being a natural polyandrist, I’ve been living under monogamous “rules” for over 15 years without cheating, so if I can do it, everyone can. (I’ve since become openly polyandrous.) Just KNOW that not everyone ASSUMES marriage is a front created for family.
Your kids
Prepare to have a discussion with your children should they somehow become aware of your actions on and off this website. For instance, through some unfortunate connection, your kids hear at school that mom is getting hoisted up in the air and fucked by a gang of men in leather for fun… Have that conversation in your head until you are mentally prepared to have it if you need be. Remember kids understand the word “play” and “pretend” well, and remember they will have to understand some games are for adults only, something to look forward to.
Also, read the end of the document on how you may unwittingly put your children in the hands of predatorial pedophiles while YOU are looking for a date.
Your parents
It is unbelievable what we still feel we need to hide from our parents well into our adult age! Although I’ve personally always been ready to publically defend my lifestyle and sexuality without ANY trouble at all, my parent’s opinion has always been my Achilles heel.
I will have a lot of detailed instructions on how to liberate yourself from your parent’s grip, I’m sure, but here’s something that helped me. I had to explain to my mother that my idea of “being a grown-up” or ” independent” wasn’t to be a part of the family I was born into but to become SEPARATE from it and to make my own living and take care of myself. From my mother’s perspective, being a grown up and “independent” even, meant that I would be INDEPENDENTLY ready to become, what I considered to be, her child again. To her, “independence” meant that she no longer needed to watch over me as I think exactly like her. In my perspective, this meant that independence, to her, meant that I’m independent once I’m fully brainwashed by her. In addition, she felt that what, to me, meant “growing up and independence” as in living on my own, making my own living, and decisions, to her, meant “irresponsibility and childishness.”
Try and wrap your own mind around that, see if it fits your situation and explain this difference in thinking to your parent if you feel held back by them. (This would probably apply to a disturbing number of people who still feel they’re held back by their parent.)
Your job
However. There are some other considerations. Remember it is illegal, in most countries, to discriminate people based on their sexuality. This applies to heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. Therefore, I would argue that any company that fires an employee due to sexual behavior that is not affecting their work (as in, you’re not fucking on the bosses desk or anything) should fall under the same discrimination laws as homosexuality does. After all, a company may lose business knowing that their employees are homosexuals, therefore a company that fires someone based on the fear their LEGAL sexual fetishes and practices may cost them business should be regarded discriminatory. Insist on a lawyer who will argue this in court in case you lose your job over whatever you’re doing here.
Your business
Consider this: Market to fellow perverts and you won’t suffer a loss of business if you are found out. That is why there are business profiles available on this website. Create a pervo network for your business here. (Maybe leaving out your business name out of it for now, and simply telling people what it is that you do.)
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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