(RAW, rewrite) How can someone be so cold and unaffected by love shown to them?

I’ll try to be very blunt and honest writing this. I acknowledge it is a taboo to call oneself exceptionally beautiful or well-loved, popular, wanted, cherished or liked. I acknowledge that it is also a taboo for this person to deny the value of other people, and say they understand why these people are not equally beautiful, not equally popular, wanted or liked. I understand that it is a taboo for a person to see themselves in a more positive light than they see the people surrounding them, but to make any sense out of this, I’ll have to say certain things out loud.

Opposite Worlds

There are people to whom being loved and cared for is an unusual feeling. Then, there are people to whom FEELING authentically amazed and wowed by another person is a rare feeling. A person’s looks is a MAJOR factor in how much love they receive. It is NOT the good looks that get them love, but the modest or poor looks don’t get in the way of feeling love for their character. Many times we like people’s personality, but they are simply not that good looking, and you know that people with the same character traits exist in bodies better looking than that. If we have the looks to match, we are likely to wait to find a match with someone who is equally interested in maintaining good looks as we are.

Looks don’t count that much

Nice, loving, caring people come in all levels of excellence in performance, knowledge, intelligence, talent, and good looks. Meeting NICE PEOPLE who are willing to love you is not uncommon for someone who doesn’t have flaws. Perfect or near perfect people exist, and those people are more than magnetic to all kinds of others around them.

When a less than desirable person finds a person CAPABLE OF loving them, they feel that the ability to love is a character trait, not a reaction to them. Therefore, they fall in love with the person’s capacity to love, not with the person themselves. “I love you because you are kind to me” rather than “I love you because you are the most amazing person I’ve met”.

Good looking people know that nice people who are capable of true emotions exist and they are NOT RARE. The ability to love an enigmatic person is not a freaking super talent. If you meet a 100 people, and 99 of them react to you positively and the hundredth looks away in fear of falling in love with you even though they’re already married or because they fear their interest is too obvious and uncool, and this is the setting all the time, everywhere you go, you will start  looking for the rare individuals who YOU love, not the ones who love you.

Values

A person who is able to appreciate a person by their own values is also able to disapprove a person by the lack of those valued traits. Simple love shown isn’t enough.

Why not just let people love you?!

Time is valuable. The time that a person spends with you is away from time spent with someone else. Every time they are forced to listen to you speak out of politeness towards you, their attention is ripped away from something they want to be focused on. Someone else. Someone more interesting than you, for instance. Whenever you demand attention from someone focussed on something other than you, you are STEALING THEIR TIME, rather than GIVING THEM something.

You are being like the ill-behaved child that cannot let you have a conversation among adults because they need all the attention to themselves. Mommy, mommy, mommy! “Mommy is trying to have a conversation here.” She is trying to tell the child, but the child persists. “Look, mommy, I shoved my fingers up my butt and now they’re all brown!” And all of the sudden, the kid is the center of the fucking attention, isn’t she? And you are like that sometimes.

Every bit of attention you insist on having is time away from what a person would rather be doing, whatever it is, but you make it about yourself, about YOUR needs, about YOUR problems, about YOUR life, not them. And you love the attention TO YOURSELF, not giving attention to someone else, because you could give attention to others without saying a fucking word and interrupting everything or demanding shit from them.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message