Junk Shop Mirror Spirit – reuniting with all the things that you’d hate to be

This is quite likely the WORST thing you can find when doing spiritual work on yourself. The person you loathe and dislike the most in your life, the person who you’re looking at thinking “I am so glad and proud to say I’m nothing like you as I loathe everything you represent” is actually the rejected part of yourself. They are like the spit bucket of your soul, the part of you that you hate and loathe, love to kick around, love to hate, love to spew venom at, because they mean nothing to you – after all, they are you, the part of yourself you hate the most.

Although you might not do this in all actuality but treat them as politely as anyone else on the surface, inside, you love to loathe them. And, then you figure out that’s you.

Let’s face it. They’re everything you’re not nor want to be. They represent all the things you loathe about a person. You thank heavens that this person isn’t you. What a lucky strike, hey? They are the lessons you’ve learned and will never repeat, they are an embarrassment to themselves… And the list goes on. Personal experience, much?

The switchboard analogy

First of all, we are all capable of being anything that exists, just not all of it at once. We have to pick and choose what we are going to be. Tweak your options, turn switches on and off. You can be anything you want, but sometimes, something has turned on switches you wish weren’t there at all, let alone switched on. Cringe worthy switches and you vomit in your mouth a little to realize they’re on for whatever reason.

The gut reaction is to deny that’s you at all. “It wasn’t me.” “I’m not like that.” “Oh fuck that’s gross and I certainly did not.” Your soul starts to split because of this process of self-loathing.

If you think that once the switch is on, you can’t turn it off, you’re powerless facing who you are. Your only option is to deny you’re it and split into two halves; the half you’re OK with, and the half you loathe. However, if you accept all the things that you potentially could be and remain as, you have the power of self-control and personal choice. You can CHOOSE to be or to not to be something. You start calmly going through your switches and turning them on and off as you see fit. (Try to be truthful to yourself during this process, be gentle with your switches, or you might jam them.)

Face to face with the Junk Shop Mirror

So… You’re faced with the reality that this disgusting person looking at you is you. They can’t wait for you to accept them again, they’re after your money, your job, your friends, your lovers, your orgasms… (Yeeeep.) They want to fuck your wife or your husband through you and you want to vomit at the thought.

I have a harrowing feeling that the final reunion happens through feeling love for that person, but I am not there yet myself. I hate her with every breath I take, and the thought of her having an ounce of pleasure or happiness through me makes my blood boil. I want her dead… So dead reincarnation won’t rise that ugly mug of hers. However. The only way to gain control over her and to make her disappear is by accepting her as a part of who I am.

One way of doing it

I believe one, a somewhat more psychologically balanced method of getting there is to isolate the traits you love and hate about that person and match them with your own personality; what is different, what is the same. Is there anything you could gain by being more like them. For me, personally, there are some things that I have always hated about her and rejected about myself that are not actually bad traits when you look at them. There are some traits that are actually quite lovable in a person, but as I like to think of myself as being quite tough, her softness and naivety freaking erks me. Yet, I know it would be good to be a bit softer at times.

She is also very controlling, oddly enough, depending on the situation, where she’s tough, I’m soft and vice versa. Where I want to control, she’s out of control and vice versa. I could learn to let loose a bit where she does and where I never do, and it would be good to be controlling and demanding and stubborn in some of the areas in life where she is and I am not.

They hate me like this!

My hatred of her has also to do with my love of men. I am certain I may have, at some stage, been entirely too eager and thrown myself at men more so than what I do now. I’d done it in a naive, gullible and preassuming way, landing me into embarrassing situations making me feel humiliated. Now, I’m reserved about my approaches, she’s dumb and stupid about men. I could be a little more open when it matters, but I have been terrified of truly expressing how I feel, in person, to his face, so that he can actually FEEL IT. She isn’t. LOL

There are some aspects of her that I can simply accept as a possibility and switch them off by my choice. Some of those things are easily switched off… Like her fascination with the smell of shit. I’m sure that comes from waaaay way back from a previous life as an animal, but as I am a human… I’d rather not go there.

She is much more driven by her instincts and impulses than I am, the animal aspect of me. The immoral, survival driven, sexually driven (I am too but in a different way), somewhat clumsy, pre-human aspect.

It is time for me to let the animal be the past, and accept certain animal instincts back into my being. The more pleasant way of looking at it is to look into oneself, as those things are there… and as they are a part of ME, I can accept them, but when I should accept another human who I loathe as a part of me; a lot harder to do.

Hopefully, you’ll never meet your evil twin

I hope you’ll never meet or identify your own evil twin, but here’s something for you as an exercise.

Think about alllll the things you hate about yourself and in other people, write them down. Then, go through that list and think about all the things those people have achieved due to those qualities that you haven’t. See all the good things about those traits and why they work for those people (and all behaviors have SOMETHING that works, otherwise, they wouldn’t BE behaviors).

Look into yourself and feel the feelings; would you WANT TO do some things you hate about those people who have given themselves the permission to do… Like for instance, do you hate the guy at work who sleeps with every woman he can get his hands onto? Why? Do you think he shouldn’t because you’ve told yourself it’s wrong and you think he shouldn’t have that privilege if you’re such a good person you’ve told yourself no? Don’t hate the cake eater if you have chosen to be on a diet. 😉

One thing you need to recognize is when you are doing something or not doing something because someone in your life (try parents or spouse) would disapprove of you if you did. Do you think a person who loves you should love you for everything you are, or should they be allowed to edit and pick and choose for you what YOU should be? I believe a person can decide to stay in the life of a person that they like or leave a person they don’t like, tolerate a person thy don’t fully approve of, but NEVER to alter that person’s behavior or morals based on their own beliefs against that person’s will. If that person is willing to learn, then yes, teach everything you can to them, but if they don’t want to learn, leave it. Don’t force things, even with your own kids – and you should avoid people who are trying to force feed or control you. (I know it’s easier said than done.)

Allow yourself to be what you wish you had the permission to be

You have the right to be who you wish to be.

Find the courage to be what you are afraid of being.

Find out why you fear to show the emotions you fear expressing… Like… Just a stab in the dark…

• Showing others how excited you are about something… (stupid, shallow, naive, achievements, victories, fame, fortune, enjoying yourself “in the wrong place”, having had sex, having fallen in love…)
• Showing others how much you’ve missed them, loved them,
• Expressing negative emotions, like feeling superior to someone, thinking someone is stupid, thinking that someone is fat or ugly or both…
• Admitting that you don’t love a person you’re “supposed to” love, like your parents, children, family members, a former friend, your current friend, your dog, even… Maybe you just don’t.
• Admitting you love someone you’re not supposed to love, like your friend’s wife or husband, a drunk, a drug addict, a slut, whore or a prostitute, stripper… you get the gist… You might love someone completely undeserving who has treated you like shit and you feel like you’re the biggest loser forgiving them or even loving them for the exact thing that makes them “unlovable”.
• Try to identify when you are manipulating your own feelings, trying to control them, trying to envoke feelings that are not there, and trying to deny those that are there but “should not” be.
• Always chase the uncomfortable feeling. The best advice I’ve ever given to anyone: “Always chase the uncomfortable feeling”, which means that whenever you feel uncomfortable or weird or uneasy or somehow negative or ambivalent, dig in deep to figure out what it is and where did it come from. You’ll find gold, I promise. You’ll find GOLD.

Good luck out there, sport.

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