The NOD-Syndrome

The NOD-Syndrome is not an official classification in psychology so don’t bother looking for it. I coined the term for my own use. It was originally just a joke meant for one blog post but the term proved so functional that it stuck.

The NOD-syndrome is a symptom of a poor self-esteem or a negative attitude about your chances of finding authentic, true love (or an ideal job, or life circumstance in general). People compromise easily if they feel what they want is out of their reach, to the point that they have children only to ensure they have someone in their lives “who will never leave them” and “who will always love them”. Often, these wishes are going to be proven to be futile – a child that is obligated to fill a hole in their parents’ lives is very likely to prove very much unwilling to do the job requested.

NOD-Syndrome is short for “Next One Down-syndrome”. It refers to the feeling of “OK, if I cannot have him/her/that, I’ll have you/that instead. When you’ve nodded enough, you’ll start feeling very cranky about people who will not give you what you want, no matter how far you lower your bar. The reason why people are not willing to give you what you want is because they know they are being nodded – they are not your first choice, but a consolation prize – and that is NOT a good feeling to have about a person who wants to obligate you to love them because the one they truly want won’t cooperate, or who they seem too far out of their reach to even approach!

Severe (and dangerous) NOD-Syndrome
The NOD-syndrome makes a person try and befriend or get into a relationship with a close equivalent to what they want and then force them into the role of the person who they truly admire. It is like a movie character who misses their ex-girlfriend and kidnaps women who resemble that woman and try and force them to act and behave like the one they once lost.

In psychology, this would be called a Narcissistic Personality Disorder: a person’s delusion that what and who they are is so superior, that they have every right to force a person into their ideal person “for their own good” and against the victim’s will.

Normal and common NOD-Syndrome

A milder NOD-syndrome is simply the resolution to pretend you love a person you think you can have when you think the one(s) you truly want would never give you the time of day if you tried. In reality, the people you truly admire may well feel the same about you, especially if you look away from a person you may be obsessed rather than in love with.

What is in the normal range of reaction is to accept/feel that you may not get the one you want, so you try to be what someone else wants you to be, so you’ll at least be accepted by SOMEONE.

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