Is domestic violence between True Emotion Mirrors the same as between other people?
There is a little something that we need to discuss. Domestic violence is a bit of a taboo topic, and I ask you to have an open mind about this.
We are animals.
The fact we are animals among other species means that once the layers of civilization peel back, what is left is a pure animal – nothing more, nothing less. When we fall truly in love, as we do with our True Emotion Mirrors, we are closer to that animal than ever before. We MUST be REAL.
Our species-typical mating ritual can get violent.
Sometimes, it leads to the death of one partner, perhaps, because those two weren’t good for each other; one tried to get closer than what they were welcome to get. That is how our species is.
The female of the species is often very turned on by the behavior of a violent male.
That is also how our species is.
It also seems that the female of the species tends to enjoy pain a bit more than the male of the species, hence our size differences; the smaller gets to be in a bit of pain.
the Normal Person*’ and the Savants*’ communication differences can create a needless disaster.
I’ve blogged before about the times when the Normal Person* thinking female doesn’t understand she is being pushed away by the Savants* thinking male and keeps coming back because she connects violence with the male being in love with her. She has got a point, although it is to be taken into account that not all violence is an act of love, the same as not all violence is an act of hate. The former should be obvious to us, the latter a little less so.
In this case, we have to drop the labels of True Emotion Mirrors because we are getting so close to the real thing that it is a matter of a successful mating to say whether or not this couple is a True Emotion Mirror couple at all. The question is: how deep is your love? It is also to be noted that sometimes it is the female who gets violent with the male while attempting to get closer to him. If one or the other partner keeps rejecting the other, it becomes an attempt to chase the other out of the relationship rather than break the ice and get closer to the other. Are they accepting of your advances, in other words?
We need to be closer.
The violence may also erupt when either partner feels that it is physically impossible to get close enough. In that case, the anger directs towards the physical body that keeps the couple apart. Sometimes the violence is targeted at the emotional walls that keep the other at bay. Depending on whether the victim will let the walls come down, the full reunion may happen, but it may take a while for the walls to come down even in a True Emotion Mirror relationship. However, when the attacked person starts to push the other one away, literally, telling them to go away, to leave them alone, to move out, to “get away from me, you crazy (son of a) bitch” we’re talking rejection, not deeper bonding.
It is so natural and characteristic that we turn violent towards a partner we cannot get close enough that some people have learned to mimic this behavior and act violently regardless of their true feelings for their partner. For instance, if a child has observed the love battles of their parent, they may not have fully understood what was happening and mimics the externals of this behavior in their relationship with someone else. This would be the stereotypical case of domestic violence, where it is habitual rather than emotional.
I’m not telling you how to feel about it.
You don’t need to talk yourself into feeling a certain way about any aggression shown towards you, but I urge you to observe it when you feel turned on by it, and I urge you to give yourself the chance to feel love towards this person still. It is also more than typical for women to insist their violent partner is in love with them, and that is true in the case of True Emotion Mirrors.
I would say, though, that the women who associate violence with love through a past life experience or observation without it being love feel: “he’s crazy about me, he can’t get enough of me” and feel a sense of power and victory over the man. This is a positive feeling for her, but not necessarily him, who is bound by law not to return a blow or not kick her out on the street when he feels like it, etc., giving her mixed signals. She is in her natural state, but the law requires him to treat her more gently than he would in his natural state.
Should you call the cops?
Should you call the cops on a fighting couple? As many people instinctively do, they are inclined to let people sort their business out independently. Sometimes interference tears true lovers apart, which is not something anyone of us wants.
Then again, if it is real violence, it is sometimes better to learn things the hard way, and we know how women are – most often, they come back. If they never get the full force of his wrath, they may not understand the meaning of what he meant, either, and may interpret police intervention as a scolding to him when she should be the one receiving a scolding; Leave the poor man alone!
However, it would be good to break off a fight that seems to go too far. Don’t expect or push for a permanent split between partners, particularly if you don’t know their story.
It’s probably a good idea to call the cops on the neighbors if they get TOO out of control, but then leave it up to them to decide what to do next. If you get tired of calling the cops on them, tell the victim, so she won’t trust you to bail her out when things get too rough on her. Make sure she understands the victim must remove themselves from the situation (and if they want help with that, you’ll be there, maybe) but that you won’t be watching over them as you cannot take that kind of responsibility. The best thing you could do to someone sometimes is to tell them they are on their own and responsible for their own choice to stay.
Some women may even feel the attention from on-lookers is worth the bruises. Feeling good about the neighbors caring may motivate her to stay and tolerate the situation for too long or even egg him on. If you deny them the attention, maybe she would leave the relationship a lot sooner if they knew nobody would be getting them out if they get in too deep.
Why does it matter who is in love with whom?
When the violent partner is the one who is in love, they may use violence to stop that person from leaving them. This is equally possible with men and women. Now, a man can turn violent trying to push an unwanted partner away (as it’s often his home, and if they have no kids, the man may easily feel he owes her nothing and she’s trespassing.) It is less common for a childless woman to turn violent when pushing a man away – she’d more likely call the cops to do the job.
Violence RARELY turns lethal unless someone is kept in by force. People in love may LOOK scary, but they wouldn’t want to seriously injure each other – not that it won’t happen. I wish people would be a little more observant of the VARIED REASONS behind domestic violence and do NOT automatically blame the man for the situation – or even the one pushed to violent behavior. Sometimes the problem lies with the perceived victim, and we MUST be free to blame the victim when the victim is genuinely to blame.
Sometimes violence is the frustration of not getting the intimacy a partner wants
I also want to point out that men often start feeling violent towards their True Emotion Mirror because they feel they are not getting close fast enough or not at all. They may take themselves out of the equation by telling themselves they’re not good enough for this girl and that they should keep their distance. They may also periodically feel they can handle their violent bursts, then feel it again, and decide to run – this is one potential reason for “True Emotion Mirror running.” This is one reason for True Emotion Mirrors rarely get together, and odd couples form everywhere.
True Emotion Mirrors may feel like the other “must be punished for being so hot,” but this should remain as a playful sex thing rather than actual domestic violence, but there is no saying that it will stay that way.
Be aware that some women LOVE the attention of being with “a violent” man.
As an observer, please also be aware that some women love the attention they get from others for being in a relationship with a violent man. They may even LIE about a man’s violence because they feel that makes them brave, sexy, and alluring in the eyes of other women. (Amber Heard vs. Johnny Depp.) Don’t jump to conclusions. This is one of the reasons why it’s difficult to believe women because some women blatantly GOAT men into violence or lie about it if he doesn’t react violently. They don’t honestly care about the RELATIONSHIP as much as they love the attention from other people.
Women like this may also target specifically NON-violent men. She will first test him by trying to irritate him to see if she can TRUST HIM not to turn viciously violent too easily, so she can control the man’s anger and then play up the reactions for attention. Quite fairly expressed, it takes a superhuman for a man NOT to HIT BACK or to not respond to an OBVIOUS INVITE to start a physical fight.
Your view vs. societal view
For you True Emotion Mirrors out there, it is a question of your personal choice how much you will accept from your other half. PLEASE don’t allow yourself to be pushed one way or the other. Some people have experienced REAL domestic violence in the worst scenarios, who see something familiar in your case, and will want to help you out of there while they are not actually helping. Also, don’t feel guilty for “not adjusting” this is not about LOVE perse; it’s about a DYNAMIC. You do not need to feel guilty about not feeling the love, not finding it funny, and not being turned on by it. It’s just not your cup of tea.
You also decide how much society’s view of you affects your choice in the matter, and how willing you are to go there. I beg you NOT to violate yourself here and take more than you can handle. DO NOT be pushed into being OK with any hint of domestic violence because most societies are not OK with it, so you don’t have to be, either. We have to dodge the bullets of well-meaning people around us, myself, the people with more condemning views on domestic violence alike.
Painting things black and white rarely is the right color palette.
Although I am VICIOUSLY against Amber Heard’s actions against Johnny Depp, I have been a support group leader for women who have suffered from violent, narcissistic abuse in their relationships; there are mitigating factors involved when talking in generic terms. I want you to understand that if it feels good… It may well be good, right? It may look weird, but if you trust each other, maybe have a non-alarmist conversation about it when you are in your best place with your partner?
There is also a genuine possibility that the simple SHAME of feeling violently aroused with one’s partner may turn a man MORE violent, not less so, so we must talk about these things with a little less of an alarmist approach than thus far.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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