Stop fighting your very nature (even if it is common, gender-conformist, and not weird at all.)
Individuality is an ideal that should liberate you from the norm and expectations and allow you to be your authentic person, no matter how weird it is. THIS gets a lot of people (Normal Person*) quite confused.
Typically, Normal Person* are quite common and ordinary, and when everything around them is about individuality and alternative ways to live, they feel that it is BAD or WRONG to be that way. They feel there’s no place left for them. They try to solve the problem by being as weird as they can… And that can get too weird.
Real non-conformists don’t accept the norm because the normal range is uncomfortable and difficult for them, NOT because they’re heroic and “cool.” They cannot do normal if they tried. But living in an abnormal way when society is up in arms about it is another kind of difficulty. They fight the norm because what they are doing is HEALTHY, and it is UNFAIR for others to get in the way of their health and happiness.
What I’m getting at is this: Ideally live with whatever normal or common you can without it being painful to you to do so. If you’re born a girl, and you don’t MIND being a girl, live as a girl. If you’re born a boy, and doing boy’s stuff feels natural to you, be a boy. Do not conform to non-conformity for the sake of breaking the rules.
“Do what you want” is not the same as “break every rule/expectation there is.”
Now, I realize that Normal Person* are HIGHLY traumatized by the norm. They want to break ALL OF IT because a lot of it flies against their normal, natural way of existing. Savant* have no issues with MOST OF IT, but they allow themselves every natural whim they have as long as it doesn’t hurt other people.
This means that when Savant* advises you, “Just do whatever you want.” They do not assume your first instinct is to “break rules for the sake of breaking them.” They assume you’ll allow yourself to fuck someone who you find attractive and who finds you attractive, even though they’re not your heterosexually married spouse… And that is FINE by me, too. That’s all I’m saying. Just go get laid (and married) by the people that your nature dictates you to. (As long as the attraction is mutual, of course.)
Feeling a natural drive to CIS-gendered heterosexual lifestyle is weird as fuck, right?
Sometimes, you find that well, I just want to continue having romantic and sexual relations with my CIS-gendered heterosexually married spouse, and you feel like you’re being told that it’s not cool anymore, right? No, it is. It’s perfectly right, just not very likely that it’s what an average person wants to do. WANTING to be heterosexually married CIS-gendered person is WEIRD AS FUCK. If you want to rebel for the sake of rebellion, do CIS-het-mono! And, if you are a woman, and want to freaking fight the norm for no other reason but to fight it – admire men openly. That’s now as rebellious and weird as it gets!
But, if you want to do it right, stop fighting your own nature, and just learn to give yourself permission to be what comes natural to you. Do what feels like a relief if you could “just do that.” If you could be JUST A BOY, or JUST A GIRL, and you wouldn’t HAVE TO fight other people’s gender identity battles just to make your woke mom and dad happy.
Me, as an example.
OK. In some sense I am the ideal; I know when to conform, and when not to. THAT is the ideal I’m posing myself for here. I am a CIS-gendered heterosexual polyandrist. This doesn’t mean YOU should automatically become CIS-gendered heterosexual polyandrist, what I’m saying is that THIS is MY NORMAL, my nature, and if you pay attention to it, the only thing I’m NOT conforming to there is MONOGAMY.
There are other things I don’t do according to the stereotypical female way, but I pick and choose based on what I find natural (and pleasurable) to do, and what not. I reject everything I don’t feel to be natural to me, and embrace everything that feels like a liberation.
For instance, with the rise of the LGBTQ+ community, I still cannot find any shades of gay in me. I haven’t got anything against it all, IN THEORY, but I’m simply not sexually or romantically attracted to female energy. MAYBE I might be demibisexual, but I know for an absolute fact, that I do not feel the slightest sexual attraction toward a woman, and as a non-conformist, I don’t have to force that on myself.
The ideal, I repeat, I present here is DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF to go against your natural instinct, your very nature, whichever way it points – like me. Only accept what feels like a liberation to you, and fight against pressure to violate your own nature in the name of “liberation.” Go with what feels like A PERMISSION (to go out and play), not with what feels like AN EXPECTATION or OPPRESSION.
MORE bad interpretations of ideals
There are concepts that adults have misunderstood in one way or another that makes them assume an inauthentic way of life believing that’s what they’re supposed to be doing. Let’s go through a few of them.
Adulthood is a permission to finally play.
Now, let’s redefine adulthood.
You’ve got all of these options that used to be out of limits for you. Now that you’re old enough to understand the dangers involved, you are free to do whatever you want. You must do this responsibly toward yourself, your family, and the society at large. As an adult, you’re still not permitted to HURT OTHER PEOPLE; but you’re still allowed to DEFEND YOURSELF (and your home, in some countries.)
Prison is a time-out for immature adults.
You are not supposed to cause danger around yourself. If you are deemed dangerous, you are also deemed too immature. You will be grounded by a state-declared amount of time in prison. If you find yourself in prison, you know you’ve been too immature to live with all the freedom given to a regular adult. You were too dumb to find a better, more mature way to do what you wanted to do. Maybe you were too naïve and gullible for an adult existence. Maybe you tried to be responsible but chose the wrong way to do that.
Adulthood is an expectation that you know how to play nice with others, and that you can pose limitations to yourself without supervision. To pick and choose what suits you, what you can responsibly handle out of all of the options available to you. (For me this means no drinking and drugs. I have never touched either, knowing that I would get COMPETITIVE in drinking, and that’s not a good thing to compete at. 😀 I know my personality, and I am secretly VERY competitive. This means, I’d have to be The Most Drunk female at the bar, and that’s not a good thing…. So no drink or drugs for me. Like me, you have to pose limits for yourself, when you realize things about yourself. You are responsible for your own game rules, but you still get to play whatever game you can handle responsibly.)
Courage.
Let’s redefine courage.
The definition of “courage” is not “to blind yourself from the danger and throwing yourself in the line of fire hoping for the bloody best.” That is the very definition of BLIND stupidity right there, not courage.
Courage is the action of consciously, responsibly, and knowingly risking yourself and/or your life (there will always be unknowns) for a cause worth that risk. Courage is not to take unnecessary risks even for another person, if you believe the action will not be helpful. COURAGE is to accept that there will be grieving parents blaming you for NOT DOING EVERYTHING in your power to save them, when you know it would have been impossible to do. THAT is courage. Foolishness is to sacrifice yourself for a cause, to NOT do your best just so that you could die trying for appearances sake.
Appearances are for cowards. No matter what it looks like, you gotta do what you gotta do for your authentic, natural self. The REAL you. Hiding the real you is cowardly. It’s not particularly BRAVE or COURAGEOUS to be openly who you are, it is cowardly not to.
“Doing the right thing”
Let’s define what it means to do the right thing.
There is the concept of “right” or “correct” in the sense of a school exam answer. Then, there is doing the right thing in the moral sense. You are no longer at school, so the first definition is irrelevant. We are discussing the MORALLY RIGHT thing to do.
What is moral is to act fairly toward another person. To be just. To be honest and truthful. To be honest and truthful means to speak and act according to what aligns with reality; facts. To be honest or truthful DOES NOT mean “reciting the popular opinion”. The “popular opinion” is not always factual or truthful, and a person stating a popular opinion maybe false in their words if they don’t truly BELIEVE that the popular opinion is based on a fact or a truthful view on the situation.
Therefore, “doing the right thing” is sometimes confused with “doing what you’re expected or asked to do,” but these two things are not synonymous; the same.
Doing the right thing means to act in the best interest of all parties involved.
What is “the best interest”?
The TRUTH is BY DEFAULT in the best interest of all parties involved. However, there maybe exceptions to this, especially on government level. Here’s why: when there is an action that must be taken fast, to save lives in accordance of the best interest of everybody, but there is a confusing fact in the way, the confusing fact may have to be hidden in order to incite fast action in the masses.
For instance: “The XXX vaccine was not 100% tested/effective/safe.” However, in the best interest of 51% of population, the sacrifice of POSSIBLE side effects in 49% is an acceptable risk to save the 51% of the population, especially, if 51% of the minority at risk would have died without intervention FOR CERTAIN.
Sometimes, the right thing to do is a numbers game, but there are people who don’t understand such a thing, and are afraid, so, a lie can smooth the way to the best AVAILABLE action at the time, even if the action is not 100% ideal.
The best interest in your relationships is to be able to decide by true feelings.
However, when it comes to personal relationships, the truth is always the ideal. Even the smallest of white lies is a danger to your future happiness.
Sometimes, however, there are situations when the truth is simply not another person’s business to know. For instance, if you two break up over infidelity, it is your right as a former couple to agree to NOT disclose that information to people who it does not concern. Sometimes the best interest is to not know things that would make things awkward. Still, BY DEFAULT, the truth is always the better, more courageous, way to go… Even if the truth is: “I never truly loved you – but I wanted to try.”
It is in the best interest of people to be able to make their choices based on the truthful state of things.
What is “selfish”?
There are people who self-sacrifice in order to not be “selfish.” However, anyone who REQUIRES YOU or would ACCEPT your self-sacrifice for their benefit is being selfish. You CANNOT self-sacrifice without there being somebody who benefits from it unfairly. The opposite of you being “selfish” thus, is not “self-sacrificial,” but the benefiting party to your self-sacrifice must be considered selfish, if they’d agree that you sacrificing yourself is the fair and right thing to do.
The question is, should you self-sacrifice to give a benefit to a selfish person? NOBODY should feel the need to self-sacrifice for any reason. Nobody should feel, let alone forced to believe, that somebody else’s life, dreams, or natural way of being is more important than that of their own.
“Don’t confuse lust for love”
While lust is not the same thing as love, love without lust is a friendship.
Who is “superior” the one who loves, or the one who is loved?
Now, we have another topsy-turvy way of thinking, that needs correcting. I like to use the Sun as an example. Should the Sun feel flattered because you think it’s hot and bright? If you simply observe the Sun’s very obvious natural traits, why should it feel indebted to you, expressing gratitude over the fact you noticed? Whether you did or did not, it’ll still continue being hot and bright.
“But I love you, I love you, I love you.”
What I mean by this, is that when someone is professing their love to you, but you don’t feel the same toward them, they may make you feel OBLIGATED to return their feelings. They may feel or come off as if they feel that they are the “morally” or “empathically” superior in this relationship “capable of feeling love”, where as you are “the psychopath/narcissist” who cannot reciprocate these feelings. They might also believe that you don’t BELIEVE that they love you, which would mean that they see you as an actual INFERIOR to them, (where you see yourself as the Sun), and they try to give you the GOOD NEWS that they are, in fact, in love with you, but don’t believe you believe your good luck.
There are also situations when a person may feel you want a chance to be loved by them. (Sometimes it’s true.) They may try and force you into an inauthentic way of being so they could love you, THINKING you want that opportunity, but might not. Your refusal to change may then be interpreted as insecurity or self-doubt or doubt that they don’t truly mean they’d take you in if you changed.
Don’t change toward the INAUTHENTIC for love.
However, to FEEL in love, whether as a fan, a friend, or an actual lover is always the more fun feeling. It feels GREAT to be able to feel love toward a person – that is a reward in itself. It is great to be loved, but it’s even more amazing to actually BE in love. Therefore, if you are NOT in love with this person, please do not think they are doing you A FAVOR by loving you – you are doing them a favor by being lovable.
While you shouldn’t change toward what is INAUTHENTIC, unnatural to you for love, you should give yourself every permission to “change” toward what you feel is authentic and natural to you. When you meet people who are compatible with you, they tend to “bring out the worst” in you in some sense. The “worst” being you authentic self, that your NON-COMPATIBLE friends, family members, and lovers try to weed out of you. When you find someone who LOVES YOU for all the traits others try to oppress and change in you, you’ve found a better friend or a lover, maybe even the ultimate one; your True Emotion Mirror.
The trauma from religions
Finally, let’s just briefly address this; religions. Religions are quite geared toward fighting the inner beast; your natural way of being. To elevate oneself above one’s own nature. Science, in a sense does the same thing. AUTHENTICITY does the opposite; it’s liberating the beast, it allows each individual to be what they are, for better or worse.
Some of us are naturally ambitious. Curiosity is in the nature of a lot of us. What humanity is more than any other animal is diverse. Most animal species are quite uniform and conformist, but people are not. That is the most “human” thing in the world; to be authentically unlike other members of our species. Religion is like trying to restore an animal species lost a long time ago. We are not that species anymore, and haven’t been since the dawn of the hominid. I believe a God is an entity that is still trying to hang onto the uniformity of a species that once was, trying against all hope to restore it to what it is no longer.
Each individual is SLIGHTLY different, but there is no point being MORE DIFFERENT than what you actually are just for the sake of non-conforming. We are what we are. Sometimes quite uniform, sometimes quite unusual, but always a mix of what is a commonality and what is different.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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