J. The recipe of true love

We are all looking for true love – I can promise you that. Some people believe it is only possible between a mother and a child, but obviously, that is not even remotely true. To some people, love is giving, to some it’s taking, to some, a mere method of survival. However, we are all looking for it.

What we fall in love with

True love happens, when you love the way another person does something. Their attitude when they do everything they do. The REASONS why they do what they do. Everyone basically does the same things a lot. We all have a daily routine that doesn’t really, on paper, at least, differ from one to the next very much. There are people who are more than happy to just hook up with someone of the right sex, orientation, age, and location, and leave it at that (or not much more). They fall in love with the familiarity of a person they chose at a relative random, and they find it exciting to get familiar with this relatively random individual.

However, other people are a bit more choosy. They like a certain STYLE of a person. They like the way some people do things and they have values that they want their partner to possess. They want to experience certain special things with their partner, that go beyond the normal everyday repetition of eating and sleeping. And they don’t want to feel like they have to DRAG their partner along for things they enjoy.

Still, at the core of it all, is the love of the attitude of another person, THEIR way of doing things.

The needs are the key

When we truly fall in love with someone, we cannot wait for them to tell us sHe needs something from us. We want to make sure they get everything they need in life – and if we can be the one to deliver, we feel ecstatic.

When we DO NOT share the feelings, we don’t tell this person our needs – or if we’ve never trusted love before so that we COULD tell someone our needs (this is especially true for men) we appear “not to have any needs”. This makes love feel shallow to the person in love with us. (This is why many women feel closer to their girlfriends, who have needs to fill, than their husbands and boyfriends who simply serve.)

When a person who you’re not in love with tells you what they need, it doesn’t feel good. It feels like they are dying, in need of first aid, and you’re the only one there who can provide them what they need. So many people do, at this stage, try to give the person what they need without actually feeling true love toward them, simply worry, that they might kill themselves (or something) if they don’t get what they need… From SOMEBODY.

Depending on each other

The sign of true love is when both of you depend on each other for the fulfillment of your needs and whims, and when it feels GOOD when the other person angers at you for not having been good enough… because then you have the opportunity to be even better for them, and, also, you know you matter. They DEPEND ON YOU for their needs, and when you’re truly in love, this feels good to you. It feels divine, even.

Confusions

There is a point where people get confused about true love is when someone is trying to BREAK UP with them, with a massive list of things they need, that the other person has no chance of fulfilling. Ironically, people can be SO WILLING to fulfill your every need, that when you tell them: “But honey, I am gay”, they simply wonder: “Does he/she expect me to have a sex change or turn them straight so they can love me?” rather than realize this is an attempt to tell them that THEY CANNOT fulfill their needs even though they know they want to. Therefore, the relationship must end due to a profound incompatibility.

If you want love, you MUST BE NEEDY, but the trouble is, you don’t always WANT the people who are near you to fulfill your needs. It is a sign of NO LOVE HERE, if, no matter how one person begs to find out what the other one needs, they won’t tell them, because they are not intending to stick around. It is as much a privilege to FULFILL someone’s needs as it is to have them fulfilled.

People approach relationships from very different perspectives

WE ALL need something from other people. There are people who CAN PROVIDE what we need, and there are people who CANNOT PROVIDE what we need. Most people do know this, that it’s often a question of NOT being ABLE TO, rather than not being willing to. The way we are all trying to find the right people varies a lot, and that’s what I’m trying to help you unravel on this blog.

Inside, I am discussing the thousands of ways people get tangled up in relationships they shouldn’t be in, because of the different ways people communicate their needs to others when looking for love, friendships, and other collaborations.

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