Stop “helping” your friends to get laid, into a relationship, married etc.

The single most destructive thing you can do to a person is to try and help them get laid, into a relationship, married, or to save their marriage. The thing is this: A relationship is between two people, not three, four, five, UNLESS it is a polygamous thing in which case, again, get out of it. To put it very plainly: If you’re not going to fuck them and/or they refuse to fuck you, you’re an outsider in that relationship, and it is NOT YOUR BUSINESS to interfere into that relationship or that person’s relationships.

Whenever someone is introduced as “look, this is Skippy, Skippy is single, Skippy needs a wife”, the immediate question is not: “ooh, is Skippy a nice guy?” but “What’s wrong with Skippy? Why does Skippy need someone to talk on their behalf? Is Skippy retarded?” It is not a good look. It’s not a fucking good look, is it? And you can make the most eligible men and the most desirable women look like complete morons by “helping them” get into relationships, it is NOT YOUR PLACE, particularly against their will.

Let me tell you an anecdote

Now… I am actually pretty damned good pick up artist myself. I know, for a girl it’s not much of an achievement, but I am so damned good at it, I can give a man a bit of a wink, and he’ll follow me home like a lost puppy if I so choose. That is just to give you where we are starting from.

So this one night, I had asked a new friend to go out with me, as I wanted to go somewhere, where I’d already eyed out this handsome bartender that, on the New Year’s Eve that I saw him, was too busy to say ‘hi’, let alone be chatted up. I asked her to go out with me, and to my error, I mentioned this guy to her, as just a “I have a project going on there”.

Okay, so we go in, we make our way to his bar, and I SWEAR I had him well in the bag the weekend before, we exchanged looks and the ONLY reason nothing happened was that it was freaking New Year’s Eve. We go get drinks, the bar almost empty, considering it’s the weekend after, nobody’s there, so it was natural we’d stay hanging out at the bar…

Now, my friend starts talking. She’s a cute girl, right? Very cute. She starts talking nonsense to this guy, about everything possible, to my shock and horror, this also included the money belt he was wearing for a quick change. “Oh, what’s that? How does that work?” Dutifully, he explains it’s a quick way to give customers their change, as I am growing increasingly desperate and embarrassed, as she’s coming off as a complete fucking air-head, and seems like the interested party to boot.

I try to signal her to get out of there because the game is lost, she’s blown it for me, and there’s nothing I can do, right? Noooooo. She starts talking me up. Pointing me out as I am interested in him, that I should give him my calling card, and that he should call me one day. I’m TRYING to play it cool, right, but what can you do or say in that situation… Fucking nothing! You could run out the room embarrassed, you could sink into the bar counter red in the face, or scoff her off as “come on, shut up.”

It didn’t matter I was dressed to kill… I’ve got a photo of what I wore that night if memory serves… It didn’t matter I carried myself as cool as I could, that everything I did would ALWAYS normally bring the results… She was talking like a motor, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.

At the end of the night, his attention was fully on her, and she wasn’t even interested! She had to reject him and tell him to go home, and I’m there thinking thank GOD I was only casually interested in sex with him, as if I had been GENUINELY interested, I would have effin killed her.

This was the first time we’d gone out together, and I was thinking she needs some training to be a proper wing-girl, also something I could give a few good pointers to. The only thing a wing girl needs to do is to provide a cover. Just be there to help your friend be seen, that’s all. Don’t talk, don’t interfere, and if you’re too cute for words, don’t draw the target’s attention to yourself if you can avoid it. (If you’re up for an even fight over the guy, a different matter, but as for a wing girl, just provide company.)

If she and I would have gone head-to-head after this guy, she would have gotten him that time. I would have gotten him the week after, with a more… sophisticated and intelligent approach… Definitely without her in the picture. It’s impossible trying to appear interested when someone is constantly talking and hogging attention. That has never been my style, personally.

Anyway. The point of that being, is that no matter how well you know the opposite (target) gender, a helping hand is more than likely going to fuck it up for you.

STOP talking your friends up

Another way to completely ruin a person for a member of the opposite sex is to try and talk them up for them. You ALWAYS suspect it’s a lie, the more you talk, the less genuine and authentic it sounds like. It’s like EVERY WORD that comes out of your mouth about that person is a lie, whether they are or are not. There is nothing to create mistrust in the target person than “a spokesperson”, unless both the target and the spoken-for person are utterly, and COMPLETELY hopeless in every social situation, or we’re talking a traditional culture in very traditional ritual.

Stop setting your friends up for blind dates, unless that’s with their full consent or a one of thing when you KNOW that they’re going to hit it off like a house on fire. The only thing worse than that is the idea of a double date with two of your single friends who have nothing in common except being single and around the right age… Then you sit there staring at the two trying to start a conversation between them. (This is unless you’re very good at making people feel relaxed around you and each other, don’t even attempt this feat.)

At any rate, leave people to it as much as you can. The more hands-on you are about adult’s relationships, the more damage you do, the more awkward you make it, and the less chances that person has to successfully find their way where they want to go.

By the way, nothing creepier in this world than a parent trying to get their child laid.

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