Let love heal you: nobody wants to deal with your shit endlessly

Love is a healing power. To be loved, you must accept yourself to heal. Suppose you refuse to be healed and expect that you get to remain in your toxic wasteland of unhandled emotional traumas. In that case, you can rest assured you will remain a toxic wasteland of unresolved traumas. NOBODY will want to stay with you for long, but if you accept that you want to be healed by SOMEONE, someone will come to you soon enough.

Try not to be too demanding about who should love and heal you. You might have your preferences. You can REFUSE offers of love; that is within your rights. You cannot nominate someone specific for the job without giving them the full right to refuse the offer of love. Love is not something you decide to feel for some person. Love is authentic, natural, felt just for you because of who you are. That person who comes into your life may see an emotional wreck, but they see that once all of that drama clears, what they’ll find is the perfect person they always wanted to spend their life with – without CHANGING you, but by healing you – liberating you.

You can heal yourself, too.

You can make it easy for your future lovers to love you by healing yourself. Of course, you can choose to go through therapy or process your aches and pains yourself. However, that will easily make you a target to who emotional cripples are clinging. People still refuse to BE HEALED but expect to receive love regardless; Toxic people. And if you are like that, I suggest you humiliate yourself enough to agree to be healed by a love that comes your way, rather than abuse that love that got offered.

Some people allow love to take them to some extent toward healing, as long as it goes to the “you poor lonely thing, misunderstood thing. I’ll be here for you; I’ll understand you.” But once the understanding goes to the level where you’ll have to face your problems, these people clam up. They want just “understanding” on the superficial level of how OTHERS have wronged them, not to face their real hurts. The REAL pain; how they were ACTUALLY hurt, rather than what they pretend to have been hurt by.

I’m hurt by you; bond with me

To give you an idea of the strategy, my mother somehow pretends to be hurt by me. I was practically Laura Ingalls growing up. She expects that she will keep hurting me by name-calling, guilt-tripping, accusations… And she expects me to do the same. Then, she confesses to having been a horrible mother and unfair toward me, and then I’m supposed to do the same. Only, I’ve never felt the need to hurt her. But she interprets things that I’ve done as deliberate acts of torture toward her. For example, she takes me wearing black instead of colors, not going to University, moving to another city personally. She thinks I’m doing this to hurt her so I can then regret my actions toward her and we can bond through that guilt.

I can accept that I always EXPECTED parents as Laura Ingalls had. It’s easy to be loving, caring, lovable and caring when healthy, loving people surround you. My dad was like that, but my mother was quite the opposite. I know it is not IMPOSSIBLE to have families who love and support each other, who don’t have toxic waste where their hearts should be, but too often, that’s not the case.

You must allow love to heal you; nobody wants to deal with your shit endlessly

If you want to be loved, you have to want to be healed by love, too. You cannot just take love from someone and refuse to allow that love to heal you. Nobody wants to deal with your shit endlessly. That’s not what love is about. It’s a two-way street for someone to give you the chance of healing so that you’ll be good to love them back. That’s the privilege. Not so that you play the role of the biggest loser in this world, the person who needs love, and the other person is the one who gives love.

No. That’s bullshit. You either heal, or you’ll lose the love. EVERYBODY needs love. It’s more than forgiveness. It’s more than a pity. And if you cannot get past the phase where you’re simply a victim of circumstance and don’t HEAL, you will lose the little you got: Forgiveness and pity.

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