Creating equality the Normal Person* way and the Savants* way

There is again an interesting way to attempt to get to the same place among co-habitants that approach the same goal from opposite ends by the Normal Person* and the Savants*. Both types agree, again, that people make mistakes. The Normal Person* feel that “equals” make mistakes, but leaders don’t, whereas the Savants* feel that EVERYBODY makes mistakes, leader or not.¹ So, the way people try to make peace within a pack is dependent on their base type.

When the Normal Person* has made a mistake without being the leader, they SUBMIT. They submit so hard, that everybody knows they’ve made a mistake. Imagine a dog on its back in full submission or running away from the pack leader with a tail between his legs, whimpering for forgiveness and mercy. That kind. The Savants* don’t do this. They acknowledge the mistake they’ve made and try not to repeat it. To the Normal Person*, however, this feels like the Savants* is minimizing their mistake and trying to dominate through “not caring”. Ironically, to a Savants*, it seems the Normal Person* never admit to any mistakes, they keep repeating them, and only show remorse when forced to – but that this remorse is fleeting and never leads to a betterment of their behavior.

the Normal Person* rarely expect perfection from people around them, but they do expect remorse over the fact they were not perfect (this time, either). To the Normal Person*, it seems to be a never-ending dance: “Yes I am a sinner, I am a bad person, I am a failure, please forgive me.” If the Normal Person* are friends, they do this dance in turns: “Now it’s my turn to be regretful, I am the worse person, I am nothing, I am sorry I hurt you, I care for you so deeply…” They assume everyone gets banged up in close relationships, and there’s nothing more to be done about it than a massive display of emotion; regret and remorse… That has no need to result in better behavior in the future unless the issue is forced by the other.

the Savants*, however, expect people to communicate within their relationships. They too, don’t expect people to BE perfect, but they expect people to TRY and be perfect or at least good enough. Good enough means that you don’t deliberately hurt another person, either physically or emotionally (without consent to a rough and tumble -relationship). So when a Savants* gives feedback to another person about their attitude or behavior, it’s usually about something that keeps repeating that is hurtful in some way. They want that behavior to stop, but they’re not going to yell about it because they believe that if you do something wrong against another person, you do so because you don’t know it was hurtful to another or didn’t notice doing it (to another person). So they believe that to solve the issue, the only thing they need to do is to let that person know this is how they feel. This is not dominance, it’s simply a belief that everyone wants to be nice to each other, and only needs a little help in how to be nice with someone specific.

Ironically, the Normal Person* want to be nice to others, but they feel they need a lot more instruction and specifically PERSONAL instructions from someone they love. So when they are deliberately hurtful to you, it is their way of asking for specific instructions as to how to be perfectly good. The Savants* tend not to give those instructions, because that would be terribly presumptuous and self-indulgent. The thought wouldn’t even occur to them that someone wants to serve their best by being insulting or indifferent toward them. To the Normal Person*, this sounds like they’re not good enough to serve the needs of someone they care about: “you’re worthless to me”… when the Savants* doesn’t mean to give that impression AT ALL, but may even be head-over-heels in love with the Normal Person* they’re “ignoring”.

the Savants* would do right by their beloved the Normal Person* by showing exaggerated emotions even when a lot less fuss would do with a Savants*. Still, the Savants* need to explain to the Normal Person* why they do what they do, and remind the Normal Person* that if they blow up over something meaningless, they’ll FORCE the Savants* to tip toe around them and make sure they never do that HORRIBLE THING AGAIN THAT MAKES THE TYRANT’S WORLD GO UPSIDE DOWN, something as upsetting as putting the salt on the wrong shelf, or whatever. The Savants* need to tell the Normal Person* to please not make a huge fuss over meaningless things, if they’re truly meaningless, because the Savants* WILL TRY SUPER HARD not to do those things anymore, and it stresses them out needlessly.

Also, something the Normal Person* will do well to realize: the Savants* will STOP doing stuff you find upsetting, but it is VERY UNLIKELY they’ll keep doing something you need them to keep doing, no matter how much you scream at them. They also don’t necessarily understand your worry or attached-by-the-hip-to-your-family feelings. They don’t need you to be there all the time, so they don’t understand you when you do. Yelling at them about this doesn’t endear them to your fears or worries, but a good, calm, heart-to-heart might well do the trick.

1. the Savants* make a difference between an inexcusable mistake and just being human -mistakes, however. The Normal Person*  feel leaders and teachers shouldn’t be allowed to make ANY mistakes at all. ↩

Subscribe to get a Daily Message