Blind Trust vs. Earned Trust – Don’t feel quilt for not having blind trust

If you are like me, you feel guilty for not having blind trust in people or your spirit guides, even. You feel IMPOLITE for not trusting people or your spirit guides, God, or your plain good luck with your life. TRUST is learned over time. It requires PROOF. Demanding someone to trust them blindly is somewhat abusive, and asking for trust when you deliberately break it certainly is.

There is NO REASON to be offended if a man in his 40’s doesn’t trust a new girlfriend. He’s got baggage. In the same way, a woman who doesn’t trust her new boyfriend isn’t faulty, but she may be traumatized. People’s traumas are not their own fault. There are people who think that “you are traumatized” is AN ACCUSATION. It should NEVER BE an accusation unless that accusation ALSO includes that YOUR trauma is harming me, too, and you REFUSE to take that into account and protect me from your trauma. And YES, it is possible the trauma prevents a person from taking you into consideration. People are often broken, and the cure for broken items is not to beat them up further. It doesn’t make them stronger, it makes them MORE CALLOUS.

Security and safety

Healing trust and problems comes from making a person SECURE and SAFE. Giving them an environment that restores their trust in humanity and a certain person. Consider this fact: US prison’s reoffending rate is 43%. In high-security prisons (state prisons) it’s a whopping 83%. In Norway, the reoffending percentage is 20% across the board. Why? People there feel safer. I am certain the original offense is a family-inspired crime. Bad family situation that makes young people feel unsafe, uncared for, and neglected. Fear makes people act irresponsibly and selfishly. “I am afraid, therefore, I must do this to secure myself. I come first.” When your trust in society is restored, you feel less in need to protect yourself in a criminal and violent manner. USA fails in this pursuit woefully. No matter which part of the society a US citizen is in, their fear is palpable. To build trust, you must be trustworthy. No matter what you are… Countries apply.

Stupid Blind Trust

Blind trust can make you do stupid things. In my spirit circles, there are some of my old friends. I’ve told them from the start that I have no interest or intent in “taking them with me” to my “new life”. They ignore it, because they trust me. I have never lied to them, I’ve never stabbed them in the back, given them a reason to not trust me. However, in addition to this, they seem to make promises to themselves on my behalf, and trust that I will come through for them. I have told them they cannot count on me to do what they expect me to do – EVEN IF I HAD THE ABILITY TO.

One of them, in spirit, told me “they’ve counted everything on this”, they’ve quit their job, someone said they’ve sold their house so they are free to follow me wherever I go. I’m like.. “How the fuck is that my problem if I’ve told you a million times you’re not going with me?” It’s ONE THING to trust someone’s word blindly, but to go directly against it in a foolish blind trust that “they don’t mean what they say.”

Guilt makes you open for manipulation

Also, note that whatever you feel guilty for, can be used to manipulate your behavior. “You don’t love me”, if you feel guilty for not loving someone, you will be subject to manipulation to force you to prove that you do love that person or are at least willing to try. I’ve told people “You don’t love me”, just to make them notice that “hey, come on, why do you keep TRYING to maintain a relationship with me although you don’t love me? It’s FINE, you don’t have to. I’ll survive!” And they STILL keep doing it, because they feel guilty for NOT loving me.

Similarly, feeling guilty for not trusting people will make you try and prove that you trust untrustworthy people or people who have never promised you anything, or people who haven’t built that trust with you yet. Like… If someone keeps promising you that they will be there in time, and they’re systematically late, you’ll HAVE TO stop trusting them to be there on time, right? It would be a FLUKE if they were there on time, not proof that “OK, this person is on time!” Yeah. Once in their lives! Still, the one time they’re on time, and you’re late, they fly off the handle because you stood them up, right? “You don’t respect me, you don’t trust me!” And the next time you’re 15 minutes early and they’re 30 minutes late – because they don’t want to be the one who is disrespected by making them wait or something.

Actions of others and general trust

Once your actions match your promises, people will trust you. Until someone’s actions match their promises, you have no obligation to trust them. Then again, judging someone by the actions of others may not be entirely fair, but there’s also this factor: You are you, and there might be a reason why most people react to you in a way that makes you not trust them. Let me illustrate.

I have a habit of NOT asking for too much of men. I fear that they will feel that I’m using them or worse yet, abusing them. I fear they will think I am only interested in the work they can do for me, or the money they can give me, the gifts, whatever. Because I know A LOT OF WOMEN treat men as utility tools without feeling ANY LOVE or compassion toward the man himself. I don’t trust them to trust me to love them if I ask for (too many) favors. Some women simply ask for favors and see which man would potentially DO THOSE FAVORS, as in, which man can they use to their benefit without loving them. In my fear that I come off like that, I ask for nothing.

THIS makes men feel like “I only want sex” or “I want to keep things casual” or “I’m very independent and don’t need men”. Therefore, they feel they are not either wanted or needed and therefore, they’ll find someone who does want them and need them. I will have to watch that about myself, but I feel SUPER DIRTY asking for favors from men, especially if I’m in any way insecure about what I want from him. I don’t want to be obligated to have a serious relationship with a man over him lifting a washing machine for me. In a way, I guess, that makes it so that I haven’t wanted any of the men I’ve been involved with bad enough – and tell you the truth, I haven’t. But what I fear is that my True Emotion Mirrors observe me and my behavior with men, because they don’t understand that they’re special and that when I show no signs of wanting to bond with a man, they keep away because they feel my behavior with A man would be the same as it is with THE men.

That is a topic for another post: if you want true love, can you seek ‘bonding signs’ with another person. Because a lot of people do that and even DISPLAY those.

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