How do people make themselves beloved friends to others?

I have a friend on Second Life that is so sought after as a friend, loved, and appreciated by many, that I started wondering how does he do it? So many people rely on him in their times of drama and trial, and I wondered… He is, in a sense, a standard-issue kind of guy… Nothing that we’d generally speaking think “everyone would go for that specific trait”, really, like, he’s not a firefighter or anything. Still: He makes friends, and he makes them well. So what, in fact, does he do?

He gives you ALL of his attention

The most obvious thing he does is that he puts you first. When he’s with you, it’s him and you, nobody else. He may have other friends, but they come second. He says he is a monogamist, and it does seem as his attention is fully focussed on one person at a time, and he suffers a bit to divide his attention. So he is a one-woman guy. So that part won’t work for poly-people. We must divide attention.

He is confident he’ll be liked

To be honest, he has reasons to believe he wouldn’t be liked. I could count a few things in a short time to list on the things that people could easily dismiss him as a potential friend if they knew these things about him. He could easily decide he won’t be liked because of these things. But he doesn’t. And thus, people like him. It is even DIFFICULT not to, even when some of the things he says and does kind of irritate you, but you still think “well he’s a nice guy”. His idea of self is “nice” and “likeable”, and it is true. He is both of those things.

But what his confidence does for him is that he can message you any time and ASSUME correctly that he’s not intruding. Most of us are a bit coy in their approach, his “oh you’re online” messages are always cheerful. It feels like it’s really actually nice for him to see you. He makes it feel good to be seen by him. 😀

He ALWAYS has a to-do list ready to go

He never approaches you with a non-chalant “what you doing?” empty-handed. If you’re not busy, he’s got a sim he wants to see (want to come along), he’s got a place he wants to show you (you gotta come along), he’s got something he wants to do, and tomorrow, I want to do this… He not only comes into this moment with something to do, but he’ll plan weeks ahead sometimes, and even though it can feel amusing he’s planning for Valentine’s in November, it’s also quite endearing to think he wants to keep you in his life for months ahead. He doesn’t seem like he’s going to flake on you if he gets bored with you in a week or two.

He focusses on what you want and need

Even though he doesn’t always get it right, you may not be the kind of person who feels the need for X, he still makes a point of caring about you and what you need. He doesn’t flake about it and it seems thoroughly genuine that he wants to help you have a more pleasant day or time or life, even, and he’s there if he can make it better.

He’s not perfect, I tell you

He’s not perfect by any means. He has his issues and he claims he’s “just bad at relationships”, but here’s the thing, he’s so likable, so kind, and so approachable, so attentive and caring that even when he gets something wrong and reveals to have flaws in general, you really don’t care that much. You just go: Bro, you good.

I’m saying that there’s a lot of people who feel they have to be perfect to even deserve a friend… But no. You just truly need to make a bit of an effort to be there.

And the world is your oyster, it seems.

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