Can you trust your spirit guides?

Currently, I’ve got AUD$ 17.23 in my bank account. That’s not quite two MacDonald’s meals worth, the Big Mac alone would be $6.45, which is one of the best ways to compare money’s worth internationally. I’ve been skimping like mad since August, (it’s October 10th now,) and surviving with maybe 5 dollars a day, I can’t truly say how much I’ve spent but I’ve done a pretty damned good job at stretching the dollar. I’ve actually had too much fun, this should not be fun by anyone’s measure. However, the only thing I regret is having had to ask my bestie to pay the rent this fortnight, which I truly didn’t want to do. It seems, tho, that the experiment must go on.

The experiment? You may ask. Yes. Does LOA work.

To be quite honest, I am not sure if this IS LOA. Maybe spirit guidance, however. I was told to trust that I would get money when I need it. I have nothing I sell – this was one of the conditions of this experiment, I have no income coming in from government unemployment funds or anything else. I’ve sold all my Bitcoin (which I love, btw, just saying), and I’ve got nothing to sell but my body – which I’m forbidden from doing as per the experiment, not morally speaking. 😀 My guides have told me: “To the last penny.”

Still, I feel like if I artificially spend it – which I’d be too scared to do anyway – the experiment will fail or I’ll simply wait longer with no food in the fridge. However, I am not sure why I even trust this will work.

I just decided with my last money, I’ll buy a chocolate cake to celebrate the last penny being spent. This website is in danger as if I don’t get money soon, the host is going to cancel my account so… If you see me gone… That is a sign nope… Didn’t work then. Or… Maybe I was supposed to close the website and it was all meant to be? No? Spiritual people can always explain everything with “meant to be”, can’t we? Scientific nightmare, spirituality.

So why would I even?!

I love these stories myself, rags to riches stories. LOVE them. I LOVE to hear people go from a brink of disaster to a victory. My absolute favorite is the story of when Aerosmith got signed for the first time, and the guys return back to their joint apartment only to find an eviction notice on the door. Steven Tyler writes in his autobiography, Does the Noise In My Head Bother You? that he was standing there literally an eviction notice in one hand and a record contract in the other. Talk about a WTF-moment.

Given my love for those stories, this one especially, I am not surprised I am being pushed to risk it. The problem is, that apart from this website, I have no prospects whatsoever. Nobody knows I exist. Nobody knows this website exists… well… Not enough people to call it a well-executed plan. It would truly take a miracle to turn this wreck of a life around.

I didn’t believe the pendulum would work

I am a bit of a skeptic. I am not one of those people who let the brain fall out for the sake of being open-minded. Without proof or trying it myself, I don’t believe a god damned thing. I didn’t TRULY think the pendulum would work. Truthfully, I don’t know if I wanted it to. I wanted it to, but I also wanted it not to. It would have been super cool if it did, but it would also be so nice to be able to say it doesn’t work, and the world would be a safely realistic place again.

But it did work.

I have NEVER felt my jaw drop before or after, but the damned thing MOVED. ON It’s Freaking Own!  It is still one of the most comforting things I have, when I lose faith in my spiritual experiences being real, I take the pendulum and watch it swing… On It’s Fucking Own.

I just want to keep an open mind, but I don’t believe it without proof. This makes me perfect for this job… Or this job… if you can call it such, is perfect for me. I love it when things work, but I am not crushed if they don’t.

Tarot amazes me every fucken day, too, by the way.

So. Can I count on my guides to get me money on time?

Money is the most magical physical thing in the world if you think about it. It is magic that makes anything into anything at all. You sing a song and you can turn your song into a house – provided the song is good enough of course. Imagine you can sing yourself a house – theoretically – all you need to do is to get money for the song and buy yourself a house. Uhmaizing.

Having said that… wishing for money or an opportunity to arrive on time because you need it without ANYTHING to exchange for it… Stupid… Stupid, stupid.

I must say that I am expecting an inheritance from a family member who sadly passed, and it’s like a backup plan if something goes badly wrong. I don’t think I would have done this (for this long, for this close a call) without it. The worst-case scenario is, thus, that I’ll have to sell a lot of “I’ll pay you later” to my bestie, who isn’t exactly swimming in money, either.

So. I don’t know how this is going to turn out. The tension is not exactly killing me, but I am annoyed a lot. It seems like I’m being made into a martyr, but yet I know I damned well signed up for this myself. I asked for it. Literally did. When you ask for a test or a challenge, you’re not asking for a walk in the park, are you? If it’s a test, there has to be a chance of failure. The stronger your faith, the harder the test. Do you figure Jews were praying for a test of faith? How strong is your faith? “Oh, you know… Line us up to be gassed or shot naked by an open group grave and we’ll find out.”

Thank myself for not being dumb enough to ask for a test of faith in GOD… But a test of faith in myself… Then again, my test of faith in myself was probably the harder test out of the two anyway. To be fair, I don’t believe in god actually. I believe in a collective consciousness or some weirdo great awareness. I don’t know how to describe it. It is simply “a presence”, “the great observer,” I think I called it once. “The order” might be another word. Or… Perhaps 42.

You can predict your odds if you examine your truest wishes

You can guarantee it won’t work if you don’t really want it to work. If you want to prove that LOA doesn’t work, you’ll get the proof for it not working. It will only work when you either truly want it or are at least ambivalent about it. Also, you’ll have to be aware of your conflicting wishes. Say you want to work your way up to become a millionaire, to prove yourself, but you also want to win a lottery. Sure there are ways to solve that conflict, but they maybe directly opposing each other.

Much of our lives, I believe, is a task of weaving our way through a maze of wishes – yours, your family’s, and your friends. The question is, what do you TRULY want, and what would KILL YOUR SPIRIT if it didn’t work? In what order do they need to work in order to excite you, rather than deny your wishes.

I still don’t know if my energies are truly balanced for getting this or not. If it didn’t work, I feel like I’d be gloating at the Universe “I told you so. You’re a fake.” Then again… Wouldn’t it be cool if it did? Even if I don’t truly believe it – I hate those “if you believe it hard enough…” -things. I want it to work even if I didn’t REALLY believe it.

I’ll let you know.

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