True Emotion Mirrors and male/female roles

Some of you might still be hung up on gender roles and stereotypes. 😉 I have a sneaking suspicion on that, considering there are people willing to have their genitals mutilated on the grounds of not fitting a stereotype. (I’m being flippant, I know, but… Heck I don’t get what’s a big deal about being a different kind of a male/female….) Anyway, not needing to go that far, I am absolutely sure there are still CIS heterosexuals who think men have to make the initiative and women have to wait for their attention. I also know for a fact there are men who believe women, ultimately, tell a man if she wants him or not, and take it as a given that he’s game as long as she wants him. Both ways of thinking are… Well… Not even old-fashioned, but a misunderstanding stemming from a warped perspective of being sought after.

Let me explain.

The chaser/runner -role has nothing to do with gender

Every (M8R10) True Emotion Mirror I know feels the other one has rejected them. How? Because if a True Emotion Mirror hesitates a little, backs off, gives even the smallest signal to “no”, the other tends to take that as a brutal rejection and run off as a result. Then, the other one feels rejected.

The thing is, highly popular men and women are USED TO being run after. They know how it feels to be rejecting people left, right, and center, they know what they say when they reject people – sometimes they reject others subtly, they let people down gently to be nice, and if the person keeps persisting, they’ll reject you stronger and stronger until it is that “get the fuck out of my face you fucking creep!!” -reaction.

What popular people are not nearly as used to is the feeling of having to chase someone. And by “chasing” in this case, I mean… Make a move. To give the green light. LOOK the person in the eye, something. They’d easily feel “too easy” or “too eager”, knowing that NORMALLY they don’t have to do ANYTHING to have people approach them with a lasso at hand.

Popular people find it DIFFICULT to initiate anything

People who are used to chasing, tend to find it difficult to express interest, and to be “the chaser”. When both parties act this way, and True Emotion Mirrors are always each other’s equals in all manners, this means that if one of them is popular, so is the other one. They’re BOTH used to being chased after, whether they’re male or female. Therefore, they BOTH feel it’s up to the opposite gender to make all the moves and it’s THEIR JOB to wait to be told what the other one wants, and simply to say “yes” or “no” to it.

To a person like that, asking someone out is near impossible. They feel like SUCH A LOSER doing it. They feel like they’d just ran barefooted from the neighboring town just to say hello, when they send someone a text message saying “hi, how are you going?” To them, all of these expressions of interest mean a LOT LOT LOT more than to someone who is used to chasing. Someone who isn’t usually terribly saught after themselves, knows they HAVE TO express interest in order to be noticed, even. If they want to bag the bloke or get the girl, she or he needs to put EFFORT into it. Someone popular doesn’t. Not normally. So they have NO IDEA what to do when they’re face to face with their own equal, feeling like Bambi on ice.

This should be like a game of poker

The way flirtation goes between two equals is like a game of poker. You raise the stakes little by little, trying to figure out your opponent’s hand. The objective is not so much to win but to not lose. The purpose of flirtation is to try and see the other person’s intentions toward you. If they “call” a flirt and “raise it by a smile”, you can then call and raise your hand, if you know what I mean. You start casually, with only the smallest of innuendo. This is sometimes called “feeling the waters”. “Is it safe to proceed” if I don’t want to either harass you or embarrass myself by expecting too much.

When someone’s feeling the waters, the other “player” will often bring up the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” so early on in the conversation the other person doesn’t even have to approach the actual flirt state. “I can tell you’re interested, so I’ll bring up the significant other so you don’t even need to go there.” It’s one of the easiest ways to save someone’s feelings. However, if there are no previous attachments, rejection gets a little more complicated.

However, this is like a game of poker; you don’t want to reveal your hand too early, and you don’t want to gamble all your money away before you’ve even gotten started.

There are plenty of great flirts who suck at closing the deal

Another interesting fact is that highly popular people find it difficult to actually get into a relationship WITH THEIR EQUALS. As they are used to taking the passenger’s seat in most relationships, they don’t know what to do when they seek to “close the deal”. They are used to kind of avoid permanent relationships with people they are chased by but not truly in love with, so they know well how to NOT get into a relationship, but since their opportunities for a real relationship with their actual equal are a lot rarer deal, they simply lack knowledge how to proceed.

Real 10’s have a tendency of expecting the other party to make all the moves. When that doesn’t happen, for whatever reason, they seem dead in the water. Worse yet, even if the OTHER party is doing THEIR HALF, sometimes a Real 10 doesn’t know how to respond… At all, or when the relationship should turn from dating or go from a fuck buddy -deal into an actual relationship.

Although True Emotion Mirrors are MAGICAL, their problems are very, very human.

“He/She has no REASON to act coy”

One of the problems here is that the very M8R10-syndrome means the inability to trust one’s own attraction power. When someone is a full 10 but acts coy and shy and insecure like many, many of us/them do, people will easily take that for a disinterest rather than shyness. (They may also tell themselves their authentic disinterest is shyness, mind you. Goes both ways.) It doesn’t seem to make sense that a person like this would be insecure or need a little extra encouragement. Also, real 10’s rarely get enough encouragement and positive feedback from other people at all, as people often react to them with “I don’t want to build his/her ego any further…”

Thus, this leaves a Real 10 PAINFULLY aware of how DELICIOUS it is for others to knock them down a peg. Especially when they feel they MIGHT BE just a tad over their head with their True Emotion Mirror, who would be the LAST PERSON they want to feel embarrassed by, the stakes of playing a card can be super super high.

What to do…

Real 10’s must become kinder toward each other. Think less of your own skin and think other’s skin more. Trust your instincts. Give each other GENUINE compliments and honest feedback. Give less attention to 8’s and 9’s and more attention to your real equals. Don’t turn into a suck-up or a snob, just flake less. LEARN TO BE HONEST TO THOSE WHO MATTER, EVEN IF you get rejected. The problem with 10’s is that we don’t get to practice getting rejected by anyone. The only experience we have is REJECTING people – sometimes brutally and deliciously – and being unfairly attacked by people who have decided we’re narcissistic because our skin is perfect before even talking to us.

We must become kinder and more compassionate toward each other. Gradually, things will improve. Tell your Real 10 friends they are Real 10. Confirm people’s idea of self to be accurate. Take care of those near you, even if they are not your True Emotion Mirror themselves, make sure they know you KNOW they are a Real 10.

And, also, learn to risk getting a bit knocked around in your approaches, and try to understand Real 10’s can be really touchy sometimes. Allow them to react to you with whatever issues they’ve got, and approach again… Give them time to trust you, themselves, and your relationship. Gradually.

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