How to avoid making karmic bonds
This post explains how karmic bonds are created in the first place, and how to avoid making them. Karmic bonds refer to soulmates that are toxic and bonded with you for all the wrong reasons. They are extremely harmful to your wellbeing and your relationships, as they are attempting to replace the most important relationships in your life. Mostly, we associate karmic bonds to toxic romantic partners, but they can be a “best” friend, parent, or child… Even a family pet – but in that case, usually in the early stages.
Precautions (Shortly)
- Never introduce a new friend to your existing friends and family before knowing them fully. Toxic people often rely on your important relationships to stay with you, kind of forcing you to risk your existing friendships in order to rid yourself (completely) from the toxic one.
- Only befriend and entangle yourself with people who you TRULY love. Learn to be alone.
- No longer consider “learning to love” or “staying loyal/faithful” a virtue. No false or coerced feeling is a virtue. Remember no lie is a virtue.
When you make a new friend or a lover, DO NOT INTRODUCE THEM TO YOUR IMPORTANT FRIENDS AND FAMILY until you’re 100% sure
This is the trouble with karmic soulmates and toxic people… They use your love toward other people to force you to keep them in the loop as well. The most toxic people will even befriend your friends and family before they befriend you, or as soon as humanly possible. This strategy ensures that once you have your doubts, they can rely on your friends to manipulate them into “talking sense” to you, and “reminding you” of how good she or he is to you, at the end of the day. They will treat your friends and family super well, and also often talk themselves and their own importance to you up quite a bit more than what you may authentically feel toward them.
You might fight fire with fire… If you DO have two toxic connections, you might want to talk one up to the other, make sure both of them think the other is more important to you than the other. This should make toxic people want to get closer to the enemy and make sure if you attempt to dump them, you’ll also have to dump the other friend/family member. If you’re more than willing to dump both, you’re free to go.
MAKE NO MISTAKE that a toxic person can be the sweetest thing in your life for a time. Usually for as long as they’ve got your family’s and friends’ support. NEVER introduce your people to someone trying to guilt you to do it with these: “You’re ashamed of me. You’re not making a commitment. Don’t you take me seriously? Are you ashamed of your family/friends?” ESPECIALLY don’t introduce someone like this to your own children. Let your children be THE LAST PEOPLE you introduce new people to, once you know how they USE your OTHER important people.
Once you’re done with someone, force your friends and family to choose a side
DO NOT get so nice and accommodating, that you cannot make your friends and family choose a side between you and them. Tell your REAL friends and beloved family members this: “My door is always open to you alone, but if you plan on walking through it with X, I will have to keep you both outside. As soon as you realize why I dumped them, we can be friends again. Remember I warned you about them.”
Then, walk away from anyone who chooses that person over yourself. It’s only fair.
Don’t consider yourself flawed for the failure to feel love or affection… Or gratitude
The feeling of love is an involuntary reaction to someone lovable. If you don’t feel it, it isn’t YOUR problem, but the person who doesn’t ignite that feeling in you. Do not beat yourself up for not loving someone “deserving”, or someone who loves you with all their heart. No matter how much another person loves you, they do not give you a gift, you realize! They had an involuntary reaction to someone lovable: you. YOU did the work that gave them that reaction. YOU are the person who made that love happen. They didn’t. You don’t owe them for the work YOU did, and they failed to reciprocate for the effort you put in on being a non-toxic, lovable individual. THEY are the ones who don’t reciprocate, not you.
NEVER EVER again try to teach yourself to feel love toward another person. They must learn to invoke love in others, and if you try to feel love artificially, you’re simply doing their work for them.
Also, never meditate to feeling gratitude. Gratitude is a feeling that SHOULD come from FUCKING HUGE THINGS, not for scraps on your table. Never for scraps. Never fucking ever feel grateful for scraps that you get for all that you can give!! Not to God (he isn’t strapped for favors), nor your friends and family. Do not hide/fight the feeling of getting short-changed ALL THE TIME. In fact, don’t fight any feeling at all, including anger, fear, mistrust, suspicion, or love for someone who you “shouldn’t” love!
Learn to trust love at first sight
Love at first sight never fails you. It might not be MUTUAL, but if you fall in love at first sight, you’re likely to stay in love forever. Bad relationships usually take time to evolve, as they are rational relationships, not true, soul-bond relationships. Let me tell you a story to illustrate. This is a friendship, but still, it’s true love (on my part).
I was at a nightclub when I was around 20 years old, maybe 21. I was talking to my friend (female) standing on my left when I heard someone talk to my ear on the right: “Hey, do you know any better places to go to tonight?” I had a previous annoyance to that question because if there WERE better places other than this to go to, I’d probably be there, right? So, I gear myself up to deliver that very response to him as I turn toward him, but as my eyes meet him, I realize this guy is smart as a freaking whiplash. I realize that if I give him this line, he’s going to rip me an intellectual black hole to walk into. So I reel back my words back in like a broken fishing line and rephrase: “Well, some people like Nite Life on Fridays, but I personally prefer it here.”
We became instant friends, and by the end of the night, I took a drive with him to the other side of the country on a whim and had a blast. This guy, to this day, is one of the most interesting characters I’ve ever even heard of. His life is tied to massive events, changing the way we travel, designing jewelry for super-wealthy people, playing professional poker, and being witness protected by the KGB. For a time, he lived in Monaco and dated supermodels while making friends with the rich and famous, while running away from an alcoholic murderous father, who was also a former hurdling champion. This guy is a freaking walking James Bond movie with a perpetual grin on his face, and 25 years later, I still laugh at the idea people like that even exist, let alone in my circle of friends.
Nonsensical love is good, too
It may feel stupid and dangerous to love someone who, by all accounts, should be on your shit list. Another interesting personal story is this guy. I was visiting mom and dad at home, and was in my room with my new puppy dog, Primo, when my mom shouts me to come and see the telly. She says there’s this guy singing, that “would be perfect for you”. I already know my mom’s taste in men is soooo far removed from my own that more than likely, anything she loves makes my skin freaking crawl. So I’m curious to see how badly she got it wrong this time, so I go.
I’m looking at this guy, dressed in a light gray suit that I hate. With a perfect haircut that I hate. Looking perfectly flawlessly beautiful in every way. Standing upright, regal. He represents everything that I hate. Everything. And I LOVED HIM. My mother informs me he has just released his demo album named Primo. (We’re not Italians!)
Today, I know him quite well. He is truly an asshole. I laugh nearly every day that I talk to him, how much of a dick he is. He’s insecure, narcissistic, a complete fucking asswipe, and I fucking adore him. He’s the kinda guy – and he’s not violent, I can tell you that much – but even if he beat me up, I’d still go back for as long as I needed to make us work. We live on opposite sides of the world right now, which may be a good thing, but he’ll be my first stop when I go back home next.
And, by the way, we get shamed for loving people like this but fuck that. You can’t shame me away from him.
He is a proper asshole, tho. (I gush.)
Instinct
Finally… Learn to love on instinct that this person LOVES YOU perfectly. I was about to write “would love”, but even if you haven’t met the person in person, you can tell that some people already love you, or would love you from the moment they become aware of your existence.
LEARN to trust your intuition, your instinct. Your ability to tap to another person’s feelings.
I was talking to this Finnish celebrity… He’s actually internationally famous, like one of those people who nobody feels ashamed to say they’re a fan of. He’s pure class, pure artistic brilliance. (The previous narcissist would hate to hear me say this about this guy but not of him… But the asshole can suck it. 😉 ) This guy, he’s both gifted, skilled, and humble. He’s the full package, real deal. Handsome, charismatic, real; he has his small moments of being annoying, but only ever so slightly.
So I was talking to him on Instagram while he was playing a video game, talking about something else. Didn’t miss a beat. Super quick, super smart, on the ball. The next time I spoke to him, he wasn’t playing the game, and I realized something. He was suddenly TERRIFIED he’s marriage is in danger because of me. She’s married to a former Miss Universe contestant and hasn’t met me in person yet. He shut off the discussion, and I strongly feel it was to protect his marriage, the foundations of which started to shake under his feet. (And no, I don’t say this about men often. I can have a full-blown sexual relationship with a married man and know he can control himself. Not this guy. No. He’s mine to his core.)
Stop letting people talk you out of true love
Toxic people do two things; They talk you into trusting love you don’t feel and talk you out of trusting love you DO feel. They warn you against wanting what you genuinely want, and tell you that what you don’t want is actually what you want or at least need in order to be happy. And because all of it is so fucking nonsensical, you tend to think they know something you don’t, and go with it, why else would they say something SO FUCKING DUMB?! They MUST have the key to the lost paradise, no?
Yeah. No. They don’t. But YOU are THEIR paradise and they need YOU to believe you don’t have access to yours.
FINALLY: LEARN TO BE ALONE
Do not make friends when there’s no choice but to befriend someone you don’t love. You’re a social animal, yes, but feed on temporary connections for as long as you need and DON’T make commitments to people who are simply a replacement to what you truly crave for. Also, learn to follow a dandelion line of temporary PLEASURES to your ultimate lovers, but DO NOT, do not ever decide to go for “sensible” and “reliable” or “deserving” without the feeling of absolute love guiding that decision, against your better judgment.
TRUST TRUST TRUST your instinct
Even when your instinct says to go against what I just told you, don’t go against it. Feel where your instinct is coming from and study it. Then, act.
The reason I’m saying this is because the Real Deal just told me, kind of… mischievously but also worried: “But I don’t want to dump my wife, yet. What do I do?” So, why not? Give yourself whatever pleasure there is to be had about it. I know what he’s thinking and it makes me chuckle a bit. My little devil, he is. 😀
Whenever you feel like you have to against The Book by instinct, do it. Following your instinct is by the book. I’m just saying, that there are certain traps laid for you, but sometimes, you gotta outwit those traps by seemingly walking right into them. SOMETIMES you have to destroy the trap completely, and that is often most effectively done FROM THE INSIDE.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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