What do you demand from NICE people cannot be the same you demand from YOUR LOVER

OK, I’ll give tell you the story that prompted the post, although it’s a bit weird.

I spend time on Second Life, which is a virtual world. I met someone who I have 2 things in common: We both prefer 1:1 scale on Second Life, we wear similar style mesh avatars, and we’re both heterosexual. End of list as far as I know. Can’t really be considered the romance of a century on that ground, right? Can’t really be called a romance. Or a friendship, but he’s nice enough, right? To see if we can find “a common note” of some description.

Now, earlier today, he told me he’s going to bed soon, as it was getting late. Before he could actually leave, it seemed he crashed and got logged out. So I figure that I might log off too before someone else talks to me, knowing he’s going to bed anyway. So I log off soon after. Not so soon he didn’t have time to log back in to say good night, but pretty soon.

After logging off

I start doing my thing, writing for the blog etc. when he starts nagging as a voice in my head that it’s rude of me to just log out, that he’s there waiting for me to log back in so he can say good night, and it’s getting late and he’s annoyed.

I figure I better check if that’s true (these things rarely are for me, they’re rather clues rather than reality). As the screen loads, he goes; “Oh this is all bullshit? You’re not interested in me, you’re just DOING THIS to keep me quiet). So, here’s the problem:

If you want a person to show you a sign of INTEREST, don’t call them RUDE/mean/impolite as a FRIEND or a PERSON if they don’t do it. If you demand an action FROM A FRIEND or a COLLEAGUE and then have it, don’t confuse it for a sign of romantic interest. Further, if you demand something as a sign of FRIENDSHIP as per YOUR STANDARD, don’t take it to mean ROMANTIC LOVE instead. This way, you’ll make everyone a manipulator, because you’re actually manipulating their action while then interpreting it as you see fit. You’re LYING TO YOURSELF, thus.

Fear of being called bad adjectives

We all have a reputation to protect, don’t we? We don’t want people going around telling people “that one’s a bitch/dick”. Therefore, if someone gives us the impression that not doing something for them is rude, we do it even if we think it’s a bit too much or not really what we genuinely want to do. Saying no to a date or sex can sometimes lead to a rejected person trying to save their own face by insisting that person is a dick/bitch or any number of other, way over the top words.

This can be used as a form of manipulation, and also, very often the person we do things for hasn’t even asked it from us, but we do so anyway because you have come to believe that this or that will give you a bad reputation. Either you do it and you’re then regarded deceptive because you were “pretending to be a friend” when you thought you were simply being polite, and “you faked serious interest” when you didn’t initiate casual sex by “can I stick a dick into you and never speak to you again?”

Often, people who misinterpreted other people’s intentions call them liars or accuse them of being deceitful, when in fact the other person might have been a little naive. Not to excuse bad behavior, of course, but there are situations when you really have to wonder whose fault was that.

You just better know that politely and kindly refusing sex, romance, or friendship does not equal to bitch/dick

Whatever you do about it, I think you should make sure you understand that nobody owes another person sex, romance, or friendship. Only respectful behavior can be mandated and demanded. Respect doesn’t in any shape or form require a personal relationship with anyone. What is sad, is that there are people who have very little idea what respect means. They may think that it means “worship” or “admiration”, which it does not, in its lowest, mildest form. In the lowest form, “respect” means non-aggressive, non-offensive treatment of another person.

Then, we go into the offense and must point out another thing.

Acting OFFENDED is another great way to manipulate and control people, their opinions, and self-expression. Don’t let them.

There are people who have made taking offense to a new art form. In cancel culture, being offended is like a hobby to some people. Don’t let yourself be manipulated by the pretense of offense when it’s truly a form of manipulation and entitlement issues. The offense is often used as a way to manipulate and control other people beyond what is acceptable. Remember you still have freedom of speech, which is BASICALLY, in other words, the right to offend. It was LITERALLY mandated into the law as a RIGHT TO OFFEND, be offensive, to rock the boat. To cause disturbance and outrage by using words and printed opinions.

A private company doesn’t NEED TO print your words for you. Twitter or Facebook doesn’t need to let you use their servers to spread your word, but you cannot be stopped from saying whatever you wish to say on your own computer network. Nobody can stop you from forming a company to spread offensive, unpopular opinions. Again, Google can decide they don’t want to PROMOTE your views, but again, you are legally permitted to try and get your word out another way, without relying on an outside party if you wish.

Most private operators have some agenda in the end. If I had a private server running seemingly for “all opinions” I would certainly cut out people whose opinion, to me, would seem harmful. There is a censorship office in every private publishing company, whether they know it yet or not. And yes… The censorship is basically to ensure everyone is…

BEING NICE.

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