Cut out friends who have an unbalanced attitude with your money or your attention.

Even when you’re not very rich or famous (yet), there is one commodity that you ALWAYS have and can give: Your attention. This commodity is also something that a lot of people are trading with: either they reward you with attention for attention (they’ll support you if you’re willing to praise them for the work they do for you for free or something), or they will deny you public support if you don’t give them attention. They may also work against you if they don’t get enough attention from you: talking behind your back, ruining your reputation, telling people you can’t be trusted, etc.

Don’t be afraid to react, but AVOID giving attention to the people behind all this; make sure they know they mean nothing to you despite their efforts. Having said that, if you LOVE some of these people, like genuinely honestly love them so much you’d put up with whatever bullshit they come up with, MAKE SURE THEY KNOW they are loved so much they don’t NEED TO act this way to always be your loved one. (But also, they’ll have to fix the mess they created to prove to you they’re a real friend.)

At this stage, make a mental note of people who you love (beyond reason) and those you’re willing to cut out of your life without it having a significant impact to your happiness – and now treat them accordingly.

Riches and fame, then.

There seems to be a caveat in being rich and famous: friends who love you for your money rather than you. When you combine this with Chalk who are profoundly attention-seeking, it comes down to friends who not only want your money but also all of your attention, and if you are popular, the best way to get attention is to be on a constant crisis mode. They are constantly running out of money, somehow, no matter how much of it you keep pouring into their pockets, there’s always some “completely unpredictable thing that happens completely out of their control that you simply have to sort out for them.” They’ll do it for as long as they think they can get away with it. Once that no longer works, they’ll start getting drunk a lot: After all, what is there to do if your rich friend no longer cares enough to give you money for I don’t know… Fixing the wall that they drove the Ferrari they stole from your garage through?

If they’re not drunk, they’re gambling (away your money); if they’re not gambling, they get themselves involved with some unscrupulous person that “only you” realize is that way, so you’ll have to spend all your available time trying to get them away from that person. If they’re not dating an abusive monster or getting into fist fights outside expensive restaurants, they’re busy speeding your sports cars down windy roads drunk. If they kill someone in the process, so be it; you’ll bail them out of jail, pay for a lawyer, and show general concern for their wellbeing once they’re in the clink – and somehow, it’s going to be all your fault, too.

Fine friends you’ve got there, pal.

Now, your job is to get rid of these people.

Give them options: I can give you this money (care), or we can be friends.

Whenever a friend asks you for money (= care&love), ALWAYS give them these conditions: “I will help you out this once, but after that, we can’t be friends. If you take my money, you’ll lose my friendship. Do you need the money?” Make sure you divide the two things: it’s either money you want or it’s love you want. Love takes independence on their part. You cannot be friends with people you give charity to. Which is it going to be? It is EITHER your love and respect or your money. NO FRIEND should get both.

Whenever you meet a new person that could become a friend, weave this into the conversation: It’s hard for you to make actual friends because of all of your fame and fortune. Therefore, you’ve got a rule: Whenever a friend of yours asks you for money, it will be the end of the friendship, whether you give them the money or not. Explain further: sometimes, people make up a chaotic situation that is CLEARLY their own doing just to get attention and money out of it.

You also cannot be friends with attention-seekers.

You may also mention that you need friends who are fine with the fact you’re busy and have a lot of other friends, too, as you cannot deal with attention-seekers. Say that you appreciate people calling you and all, but there are times when you cannot pick up the phone to talk, and that CAN NOT result in some crazy display designed to get that attention on themselves. You can phrase all this as a general notion about your life, but the message will be received by all, I believe… At least it should be.

There are two things that your friends MUST have a healthy relationship with; your money and your attention. NEITHER can be such to them they’d do anything to get it.

Exceptions to every rule.

Of course, you are allowed to give both money and attention to your friends and family but do recognize a pattern and a feeling in both cases. You know the friends who are USUALLY very good with their money but fell on GENUINE hard times due to a GENUINE misfortune? Of course, you help them out. They’ll need to get back on their feet, but after that, they’ll pay you back as soon as they can. Friends will pay you back, even if you don’t need them to. That’s what friends do.

Then, educate them on the choice of friends (as stated above), you know? Did they get to that position because of some attention-seeking pal?

They’ll get smarter as you get smarter.

Also, do not be mistaken to think that these people won’t get smarter as we get smarter. They have a reputation to uphold: “Me, work for money?!” They see it as a status thing; someone considers them so important they’ll be living off a working person’s wallet… THEY are the important ones, you see.

TRUST YOUR EFFIN’ GUT, and then find out what’s actually happening around you. At least make it harder for them to fuck you over; make them freaking WORK for their payout.

Job offer on the table.

“You seem to be in a constant state of needing money,” you note, sitting at your big mahogany desk in your dimly lit office while you smoke an expensive cigar with your stylish shoes casually placed on the desk with your very feet still in them. “Why don’t I give you a job.” You then sharpen up and move your shoes under that same desk to glare at your friend nervously fiddling with their hat.

How about you give them a job that they actually have to perform for money and attention? If they’re not very useful by nature, as I presume, how about you make them your affiliate: They get people to sign up for your (paid) X, and they’ll get their cut. Even if you don’t have an affiliate program, create one for this very purpose alone: You can hire your friends for a job virtually anyone can do. This kills one of two birds with one stone: Your promotional network gets bigger (for cheap – for every dollar they make, you make at least 2), OR you’ll find out this friend is one of those who really want to live off somebody without working (they wouldn’t even try; reputation and all).

“The job isn’t paying too well.” They chime in after trying for two weeks and getting nowhere as fast as they get when you give them that money for free.

“Maybe you should get another one, then.” You say as you get up. “And while you’re at it, get yourself new friends, too. I’m tired of no-good gold diggers who can’t get themselves out of the gutter without a fuck ton of my help.” You sigh as you walk out the room.

Never accept help from people you won’t want to pay back in lifetime of luxuries.

On your way up, never accept help from people who you don’t want to come claiming their lifetime of luxuries once you get where you’re going. ONLY ever accept help from people who you absolutely adore and who adore you, and even then, do as much of the work you can alone. Do not rake up debt on your way up. It will be the very people who you don’t want to be there who will come collecting.

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