Loving and changing your True Emotion Mirror to your liking? (NO.)

In True Emotion Mirror description, I say that love everything about each other. This can be a bit confusing because the love isn’t necessarily immediate, and TrEmoRs notoriously have “a running phase” that can last for years.

There’s also a confusing element with non-TrEmoRs, who may like what they see initially based on a false image of that person. When a person tries to then treat them as if they were the person they’re in love with (their actual True Emotion Mirror they might have not even met yet in reality) it feels like they’re trying to change that other person into something else. That won’t work, it feels bad to be the object of, and we have learned not to try and change others into our liking ever, in any circumstance.

Goal ideal person and lifestyle matches

We all have our ideal person, and we are, to us, ideal people. Our True Emotion Mirrors, in their authentic state (which they define for themselves, too) matches our idea of perfection to the tee. You may not BE perfect yet, but what you wish you were individually and as a couple match both of your ideal ways of existing. Therefore, two people with even slightly different goals and ideals cannot possibly be TrEmoRs to each other, but two vastly different people whose goal ideal self and ideal partner matches can (possibly) be.

Goal matches: Goals differ slightly, but also perfectly compatibly: Precious Soulmates. Goals do not match at all: Trail Companions*.

Therefore, two (or more) people, who each try to steer the ship in different directions forcefully, cannot be each other’s True Emotion Mirror – not ever, not even if one of them seemingly gets their wish and the other will appease them for the time being to keep the peace. The person who is forcefully pushed into a mold will always spring free eventually, if not in this lifetime, then the next, or the one after that.

So, how deep is the detail?

OK, so you won’t probably love each other’s farts at any stage of the relationship, but you’d more than likely have a similar attitude about farts.

If you have issues, you’ll have issues with the same things, like… Me and my TrEmoRs are very much perfectionists. We LOVE the fact about each other, that we don’t like imperfections. We can see each other’s flaws, and we pick at them until they are no longer flaws. We love each other for picking those flaws and helping us improve, and we love the love that goes in with the flaw-picking. We also love the way we do it; with praise and love accompanying it. We already recognize each other’s talent and skill being far, far, far above the competitors’, but that doesn’t mean we can just sit back and relax. If there’s a flaw, we’ll fix it, and it has nothing to do with competition. The perfection is FOR US, not for people who cannot even see or hear the imperfection. And sometimes, the perfection is in the imperfection, and your definition of it doesn’t necessarily match ours. Just looking at my metalhead men in their smudged mascaras. ;p We relax in our freedom to try harder with each other when everyone else will beg for us to stop practicing, stop nit-picking, stop being difficult.  We have the patience for each other’s ambition, and it’s wildly important.

Your True Emotion Mirror is YOUR perfect match, not someone else’s

What seems to sometimes go missing in translation so to speak, are EACH OTHER’S definition of perfection. However, MY are not perfect for someone else, who is NOT their True Emotion Mirror. I am also not perfect for someone else’s TrEmoRs. Even though you’re a True Emotion Mirror, and I am a True Emotion Mirror, that doesn’t mean we are anything alike, if we are not EACH OTHER’s True Emotion Mirror.

I have to repeat this from time to time, True Emotion Mirror relationship is always in RELATION to someone else. Such as: You are a mother, you are a mother, you are a mother. That doesn’t mean you are mothers to the same child. The same way: You are a TrEmoR, you are a TrEmoR, you are a TrEmoR. That doesn’t mean you are TrEmoRs for the same people. Therefore, when I give advice in general, it’s similar to reading a parenting book, right? Not a key to MY heart for all globally, nor do I expect to know how to define everybody’s perfection as if it was all the same. After all, 8 billion people will define it in a billion (slightly) different ways – loosely accounting for polygamous soups. (This seems obvious, but turns out, over and over, that it isn’t, so I’ll keep repeating it.)

Always liberate, never change, chain, or control

There is nothing in YOUR True Emotion Mirror that you feel like you have to ERASE. You only ever want to liberate your True Emotion Mirror. To make them MORE what they already are, not less of it. Now, this is dangerous territory, because sometimes you fall in love with a non-TrEmoR, and you THINK they’re X when in reality they’re Y. Because YOUR idea of who they are is different to what that person feels they are or should be, you may take their reluctance to change as “insecurity” or “selling oneself short”. Therefore, it’s important that you remember that each person, even your TrEmoR, are their own people, and you NEVER EVER EVER OWN anyone, EVER, unless they give you the ownership and permission to edit them. And that permission can be revoked at any time for any reason, and the only thing you get to do is to respect that.

Aaaand having said that. There are people who want to be molded into SOMEBODY’s ideal so that SOMEBODY would love them. They do not have a True Emotion Mirror yet, but they are willing to be made into one. These people tend to act needy toward a person they want to change them, and they show WILLINGNESS to change for love. There is also always a possibility that someone who deep down wants to be changed is testing you and your willingness to stick around and your certainty in knowing what is “perfect” if you try to coach them into, but it’s very unlikely they’ll resist you for years on end if you push them at all.

When you describe your perfect person

When dating sites ask you to describe the perfect person, you’ll find it difficult to ask that much, don’t you? You’d feel a bit… Exposed. A bit too exposed. However, if you would describe the perfect romantic partner, the man or woman of your dreams, you’d be describing your True Emotion Mirror.

To be fair, you’d probably miss a point or two if you haven’t met them yet, because it’s difficult to imagine those feelings before you feel them. You can COMPLETELY believe you’ve met the perfect person, too, and have a True Emotion Mirror walk into your life and blow your previous “couldn’t imagine anyone more perfect than that” right out of the water. They’re THAT amazing to you.

However, there’s one clause in that: THEY TOO have to feel the same way toward you in order to qualify as a True Emotion Mirror. Therefore, in like 99.9% of people, when they describe the perfect person, their True Emotion Mirror, they are also describing themselves, to a high level of accuracy, with only the “you are the submissive to my dominance” or vice versa.

And your TrEmoR falls into that description if not without ANY difficulty, then at least with pleasure and joy, and without resistance.

Voluntary

I have to always emphasize the fact that TrEmoRs do not fight their TrEmoRs strongly if the other wants to push the other into a mold. This is because there are people who treat others like Cinderella’s mother: “Look, honey, I’ll just cut off your toe, you can stuff your foot in that glass slipper, easy!” When the daughter screams in agonizing pain, the mother thinks she’s just asking for more HELP to fit into the glass slipper. If it was a TrEmoR, they’d suffocate their screams and say: “Mommy, try harder.”

Yeah. So True Emotion Mirror relationships shouldn’t be like that. There’s SOME pain involved, mainly personal issues like insecurities kicking you in the head, but it shouldn’t feel like you’re abused and ignored and ran over by a truck because your supposed TrEmor has decided something is good for you even though you wholeheartedly disagree. Unfortunately this is a fact: You can never be 100% sure if YOU are abusing someone else, but you can always count on yourself to know if you enjoy the situation or not. If not, get out of it. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to get out of a negative situation, and to not get into them.

No matter what, want to be together with our TrEmoRs, but here’s another trouble. Sometimes people play hard to get. Sometimes people feel they are not worthy of their True Emotion Mirror.  There is a thousand ways to misunderstand other people, but this SHOULD NOT BE a justification for you to abuse anyone, ok?

Fighting your way into someone’s life

Finally… There are people who use two main strategies in their bonding routine: Refusing to leave, and forcefully fighting their way into another person’s life. This is rare in real life, but it happens more on the spirit level, when someone’s resistance is low. Like there are people who think they are in “a True Emotion Mirror relationship” with someone who keeps talking to them telepathically, but who they wish to get rid of… If you want to get rid of someone, that person isn’t your True Emotion Mirror (or Twin Flame). I guarantee you they’re not.

A True Emotion Mirror is always welcome in your life, the question is, how do you GET THEM into your life. The running phase that they’re famous for has more to do with their fear that they’re not good enough for you, that THEY are not welcome in your life, so you don’t NEED TO force them to be with you, you need to ENCOURAGE them to trust that they are welcome in your life. If they believe you and they still don’t want to come, that’s because they’re not your True Emotion Mirror (or anything else of value).

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