[a term I shall no longer use on this blog] s – the last of my gripes
In the best of cases, believing in Twin Flame s literally the way that they are described may give the pair the required self-confidence to reunite with each other, but in the worst case scenario, it gives a False Twin Flame or an Enigma Chaser (more or less the same thing) all the reason they need to keep hanging onto an unhealthy obsession over someone they cannot and will never have. However, there is more than enough reasons to look at the theory in a critical sense, and realize that it creates more relationship problems than what it solves.
The term Twin Flame used as a throwaway term to describe the nature of the relationship, meaning instant, intense, unexplainable, near magical love that seems not to fade in time nor suffer from distance, combined with the telepathic and other psychic phenomena and everything that we know to be real on a physical level is quite harmless. All of that is real, non-exaggerated descriptions of this amazing connection that defies all notions of “a normal relationship” the way we expected to experience love. However, to attach any certain promise of a reunion, an idea that the Twin Flame belongs to the other to the level of a split soul or an undeniable exclusive right to that person is already entering a territory that will create blockages in the way of a reunion and those beliefs should be cleared as soon as possible. It thoroughly passifies some people, makes them feel non-accountable, and makes them think inside a Twin Flame box rather than about their actual spirit lover. After all, this is a match made in heaven, if they’re not together it’s the doings of God or the unenlightenment of the other half of the Twin Flame pair, right? THEY should work on their issues, not me, right?
Also believing in such parts of the theory as “being in the last incarnation” together with “Twin Flame s merging into one” and “being here to elevate the spiritual consciousness of the human race” creates an undue pressure on the relationship, and at worst derails it entirely delaying the reunion or even making it impossible rather than making it faster or more likely to occur. The fact is, there is NO shared or common purpose for Twin Flame s at all, each pair or group has a unique role on the planet, and may or may not have something to do with spirituality at all, in the way we usually understand the word “spirituality”.
Please note I am criticising parts of the theory, not disputing the entire phenomenon!
You, the reader, must understand that even though I do not believe in the theory of Twin Flame s, I do not dispute the phenomenon in its ENTIRETY. It’s REAL, just that what is happening is not exactly or accurately described by the Twin Flame conscept. Some of the material is very good and helpful, some teachers are better than others, but as a theoretical base, the concept could be vastly improved (and I have tried to do just that with the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology).
So please don’t interpret this as my attempt to throw the baby out with the bath water.
The term Twin Flame alone can cause an addiction
I am not really qualified to make this claim, but I am going to make it anyway based on my observations and on my ability to emotionally connect to Twin Flame s and their emotional space: The term “Twin Flame ” with the association of a promise of eternal love and a happy ending, is capable of causing a physical addiction to the natural endorphins that it creates in the mind of the person who has attached all the pleasurable promises to the term itself.
I believe that the whole phenomena of the love that the term describes is SO emotionally loaded, so full of promise and hope, but in addition the term adds a feeling of superiority (in spiritual terms), confirmation of superior love and a guarantee of a happy ending, that it causes a whole shot of endorphins to shoot in the brain of a person who is in high need of such validation. It doesn’t matter as such, but when someone attacks the foundations of the Twin Flame theory – a person such as myself – fighting to change the term alone or to change a person’s mind about the nature of the connection is like trying to pry a syringe of the hands of a heroin addict ready to shoot up. Trying to change the way a Twin Flame -addict sees the soul connection they are dealing with is a threat to the continual supply of the endorphins, and therefore, they refuse to hear what is being said.
Further, a Twin Flame term -addict would spend a lot of time “shooting up” as in searching for validating descriptions of Twin Flame love, reinforcing the addiction to the term. This works directly against this type of a person actually working towards a favorable solution to the relationship itself and distracts them with the Twin Flame imagery and “promise” alone.
A Twin Flame term addict would not TRULY listen to relationship advice, they would avoid responsibility of solving the problems in the relationship and particularly in themselves, because, as many Twin Flame sources would tell them, “the chaser” is the spiritually evolved one, whose primary requirement in this relationship is to stay patient and wait… And pester the “runner” to do the work. However, many prefer to sit in awe listening to Twin Flame teachers promise a happy fairytale ending ignoring the parts where work, self-criticism, and humility are required.
Being convinced of “the one and only” may blind you from other true soul bonds
We live in a monogamist society. However, some of us have been creating multiple high-level soul bonds that you know as Twin Flame s but I call True Emotion Mirrors. All throughout history, polygamousORpolygynandrous bonds have existed and been nurtured, but mainly hidden from the view of the general public; brothels having been places for both polyandrous and polygynous bonds to exist and thrive in; harems, obviously, and, without a doubt, many “cheating spouses” are simply nurturing an existing soul bond to several “Twin Flame s” at one time. Girl schools and boy’s schools have nurtured bonds that will lead to polygynous and polyandrous connections later on, respectively, and there’s really nothing wrong with that per say, it’s just that Twin Flame s are rarely TRULY monogamous. They can be, don’t get me wrong, but very often, they are not. Denying it won’t change the situation, it is what it is.
To some extent being blinded to other existing soul connections is a good thing; people who wish to remain monogamous with the risk of randomly alienating another Twin Flame from the connection should probably do so, but if you are open to the idea of polygamyORpolygynandry1 as an authentic form of living, then, waiting for the first found Twin Flame for the rest of your life may not be the smartest thing ever for a potentially polygamousORpolygynandrous person to be coerced into doing by making that person sound like half a responsibility, half inevitability…
Even as all the love needed is there, it will still be there if and when there are other people in the mix. All of this requires the freedom of the individual to make an INFORMED decision based on real understanding of soul connections, and, unfortunately, Twin Flame s do not give that freedom, because the theory categorically promotes only monogamous heterosexual pairings (although most people are ready to accept homosexual Twin Flame pairings as real, because the society demands tolerance for homosexual couples, but haven’t yet reached tolerance towards polygamousORpolygynandrous relationships).
The fact I know from first-hand experience polygamousORpolygynandrous “twin” flames are real, I was compelled to change the terminology removing the idea of two “twin” from the term and replacing it with the idea of a mirror – reflection of who you are, Spirit Mirror – the reflection of your soul, that gives no real assumption of the number of mirrors one can have or look into simultaneously.
The Twin Flame Personality Box
In addition to the major problem of monogamy to polygamyORpolygynandry2, there is also the fact that the Twin Flame s try to convince each other to fit a certain expectation of what constitutes as “a real Twin Flame “. This is a thinker type problem, there are people who cannot comprehend a term without absolutely the SMALLEST common denominator, rather than the LARGEST common denominator. What this means, for these people, is that if YOU are a Twin Flame , and I am a Twin Flame , WE must be exactly alike for us both to be able to call ourselves Twin Flame s. In reality, the fact we’re both Twin Flame s doesn’t yet tell a whole lot about what we are like. Being a Twin Flame is NEARLY as broad a term as being a human… Well. Kinda. It is impossible to create an ACCURATE stereotype of what a person identifying as a Twin Flame should be like as a person, and THAT creates a problem:
If you are, let’s say, an authentic die-hard heavy metal fan, so is your Twin Flame . However, the Twin Flame stereotype requires you to put your axe down and start listening and playing New Age music. This is INAUTHENTIC, and the chances are that only one of you will sign up for this bullshit because that’s exactly what it is. A load of rubbish. Twin Flame s fell in love with each other’s PERSONALITY, not a Twin Flame Standard! The Twin Flame s ought to become MORE of what they are as individuals and reunite through their perfectly matching individuality rather than some standardized Twin Flame role modeling.
It is scary to be oneself in a world where everyone tries to push you into a box, and this is EXACTLY what the Twin Flame s should be focussing on; how to be more REAL, more AUTHENTIC, and themselves, because their Twin Flame is an Destination Soulmate for their individual personality, not a match for a Twin Flame standard. A person who will become the epitome of the Twin Flame ideal will be LESS compatible with their actual Twin Flame , not more so. In the worst case scenario, the other Twin Flame takes to the new role so strongly that the bond will actually break. In the best case scenario, the reunion will be massively delayed, or by some miraculous event, both of the couples were directed to their genuine path as spiritual teachers, a role that does fit a fraction of us all.
Twin Flame theory can cause problems in “the wrong hands”
Obviously, most people can take Twin Flame theories and reframe them into a realistic context and use them as a guide toward a reunion. These people can benefit from the teachings a great deal. They will see what is being said and they can correctly place the advice where it belongs, but there is one fundamental problem in the Twin Flame theory. This part is the part where it claims having a Twin Flame is a sign of a heightened spiritual evolution. This gives them the incentive to not listen to reason, because “they’re spiritually enlightened and that person just don’t get it”.
The fact is, having a Twin Flame is in no way a guarantee of a heightened spiritual awareness let alone a sign of a person being at the level of spiritual evolution that they would be “a ready individual” with less than one lifetime worth of spiritual work to complete before reaching the status of Jesus Christ or Buddha. Again, having a Twin Flame does not mean that this is NOT the case on an individual level (assuming the Christ was a human), but it is absolutely not a sign of that being the case.
A half an hour reading through the conversations posted online by Twin Flame s will give anyone a confirmation of that fact, without needing to discount the fact that these very unevolved beings know exactly what Twin Flame love is about and they are talking about the same phenomena as the most evolved among them. They know what TRUE LOVE is, but they are lost, confused, naive, selfish… CERTAINLY nowhere NEAR evolved enough to say they’ve “completed all of their life cycles” by now. It shows absolute naivety and stupidity to even contemplate such an idea. (This was the biggest red flag for me, as I KNOW I’m nowhere near done, and I run circles around most of these people.)
What does having a Twin Flame say about you?
The only thing that having a Twin Flame proves in terms of soul evolution is that a person is evolved enough to have a strong, individual personality. They’ve developed individual likes and dislikes that set them apart from everyone else. They’ve SEPARATED from the other souls and display a defined personality and a sense of self. If this isn’t the case, the person is INCAPABLE of recognizing a Twin Flame .
It says a person is developed enough to fall in love with a spirit rather than seek for a survival partner out of people that seem familiar in the scope of one lifetime. It tells that this person has a heightened ability to sense ‘spirit’ in comparison to people who are less instinctive or are fearful of strangers.
It also says they are able to feel love and admiration toward another person. It only means the person is at a high enough evolutionary level to know love that is all.
The “spiritual work”
The concept of “spiritual work” is hilariously misunderstood in the Twin Flame community. The explanations I’ve heard for it are much like the JP’s satirical “Ultra Spiritual” videos… But that’s not what they mean. It is near impossible to explain to the Normal Person* to take a good, honest look at themselves and then spiritually work on oneself rather than externally work in spirituality to bring the Twin Flame back.
Unfortunately, much of the “spiritual Twin Flame work” resembles witchcraft. It is throwing magic at the problem when the problem seems unsurpassable in real everyday terms. In REALITY, the Twin Flame relationship problems are very human. You miscommunicate. You have self-esteem issues. You misread each other’s intentions. THOSE are the real problem areas to focus on, not burning incense and surrounding yourself with meditative images of blue soul bubble people.
Many people also enjoy the mystery more than are interested in the actual solution, and I feel like a lot of the people feel they would rather STAY with the Twin Flame chasers than actually make a real connection to their supposed Twin Flame .
Entitlement, ownership, familiarity
Then we run into the problem that not all people who THINK they have fallen in love with a Twin Flame are actually in love, but feel entitlement, ownership, familiarity translating into a feeling of belonging. They are simply reacting to an existing, old soulmate connection that is not necessarily comparable to a Twin Flame connection. While the Twin Flame connection is also old, the age of it doesn’t fully cover its description. Explaining what love should feel like to a person who has never yet experienced anything but selfish, egotistical love that equates another person with a possession that is created to feel good (or superior) is futile, but giving them the theory of Twin Flame s to play with… A lot of Twin Flame experts would agree that these people are a problem to those that they believe to be in love with, rather than a joy.
About my work
The Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology differs in that it prepares the readers to accept the fact that there is NO unbreakable, God-created and sanctioned soul bond. This keeps people ACCOUNTABLE. It MATTERS how you treat your Twin Flame , however, the deeper and more certain the couple is about each other, the more boldly they can play with this connection.
My Typology differentiates different Twin Flame -type bonds into several categories, and, in addition, adds the simple soulmate “familiar” bonds in there. This should make it possible for True Emotion Mirrors (the equivalent of the most real Twin Flame experience) in doubt asses whether they’ve lost their marbles or not. It is mainly written for real True Emotion Mirrors but granted, a lot of my energy goes into trying to convince the non-Twins to let go and look elsewhere, a process which seems impossible. (the Normal Person* thinking problem.)
I invite you to study my typology as an alternative to the Twin Flame theory. If you find it exciting, then, search through the rest of the site.
I hope this will provide some clarity for you.
Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩
Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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