Clear rules on how to find love.

Much of this is OBVIOUS to some people, while there is more than likely a kernel of wisdom in there for everybody.

1. Stop settling for less than what you want.
2. STOP seeing your options for finding true love to be limited to people who you know. There are 8 billion people, which means 8 billion chances of finding true love. I think there are one or two people for you, too, even if you are a complete asshole…
3. Stop thinking you deserve love from those who know you or that you are not worthy of love at all if they don’t.
4. Stop thinking everyone you know wants/needs you to love them. They don’t. Many of them barely remember you.
5. Stop giving people you are not sexually attracted to or romantically interested in chances to change your mind. (They’re timewasters.) (Also, stop feeling guilty for denying a person the glorious chance of being your lover. They’ll fucking live, trust me. You maybe special, but you’re not 8 billion people couldn’t replace you -special.)
6. Figure out what you enjoy being and doing alone when there’s nobody around.
7. Pay attention to your favorite sexual fantasies. They are important. (Men, women, both?)
8. Pay attention to your dreams, what you WISH for.
9. A MUST: Let go of the need to find love among the people you know now, and be prepared to make new friends and lovers.
10. Figure out your labels, the words that describe what you enjoy and dream about, and then use them to narrow the field of potential friends and lovers, so you don’t have to date all 4-8 billion people to find the one. (The more labels you’ve got, the better your chances to find the right ones, rather than wasting time with partially compatible people. Even if you narrow your field down as much as possible, you’ll still have hundreds of thousands of people to choose from.)
11. A high IQ is the biggest obstacle, but the good thing is people with high IQs love a good challenge.

You are what you enjoy.

You are not what people love you for; you are what you enjoy. The next step will be to find people who also enjoy the same things or you enjoy what you enjoy.

Polyandrists love polyandrists. Polygynists love polygynists. Polygynandrists love polygynandrists.

After IQ, the poly-leaning is the MOST IMPORTANT predictor of whether you’ll be loved or not. Most of us DO NOT KNOW which group we belong to but will quickly find it out with a bit of digging: In your ideal world, would you prefer to be in love with only one person (monogamy) or a group of people (polygamy)? If you’d rather be in love with a group of people, which gender ratio you’d enjoy the most: One woman (possibly you) with several men? One man (possibly you) with several women? Or several women with several men? All in a committed, loving, romantic, and sexual relationship with each other?

Your PREFERENCE is what you are, NOT how you currently live or choose to try to live in the future. Your preference, the “oh, I wish that was true,” is what you are.

People love people who ARE like them, not people who are willing to pretend to be like them. First, figure out which group – without naming any names or putting faces to the ists, and figure out what modality YOU are trying to push others to accept so that you could be lovers or friends or whatever.

Therefore; if you’re trying to force your polyandrist friend to accept polygynandrist lifestyle, then YOU are a polygynandrist, and you should try and find lovers amongst polygynandrists, NOT try and force polygynists or polyandrists to adjust to YOUR way of being.

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