Superior narcissist reaction to a person who outclasses them by a thousand fold.

Narcissists** are not always what you’d call ‘superior.’ They’re not always what you think of a narcissist when you hear the words physically beautiful, born rich, maybe entitled, and cruel. No, most narcissists are VERY mundane, trying hard to pretend to measure up, forcing others to pretend that they’re equal or superior. But this post is about that stereotypical bracket: the narcissist that is seemingly superior by immediately measurable metrics: physical beauty, smarts, wit, charm, wealth or potential wealth, etc., and the situation when they meet someone who out-classes them on all of those fronts and more without even trying.

When a narcissist who is used to being the most obviously interesting person in every room meets a person who outclasses them in every way, they get an interesting reaction: They simultaneously fall in love and shrink into nothing. They fall in love with the potential of an upgrade to their life and shrink down with the realization that they need one. Their next reaction is: YOU MUST LOVE ME because I am entitled to all the attention I want, and simultaneously, I know I have to force you to (tempting won’t be enough.) They start arguing with this person; they pick fights, brat, pout, diminish, gaslight, deny, bribe, act up, cry, shout, threaten… and use physical and verbal violence. Not instantly, obviously, but pretty soon down the line. It is an emotion of “I want so bad and know I can’t have (without growing up),” but they fight the latter with everything they’ve got.

They want that person to love them and, through love, teach them how to be them. They want to be a better version of themselves by becoming someone they’re not (yet). A normal person doesn’t ask for this shortcut. They’ll work on themselves to learn to become what they admire, but a narcissist wants this as a free gift. A narcissist will attack you to force you to teach them how to be you, but a normal person attacks you to drive you away. Therefore, when you attack a narcissist, they feel flattered and admired, not threatened and disliked.

The odd thing is that a narcissist is always in love with their victim but hates themselves for it. They hate their loved ones for “forcing them” to love them. They don’t want to love anybody but themselves; therefore, they react weirdly to people they love: “Let me be you instead.” They see life as a play, so if they love you more than themselves, they figure you’ve been given a better role to play, or you came up with a better role, the starring role in the movie they thought they were the star of… And now, they feel robbed of their leading role. And now, they want your role… And kick up the stink if you won’t give it to them.

OR you have to explain to them how they’re still cooler than you – or they’ll never calm down. But you have no obligation to do that, of course, but you can. They’ll easily believe you, as they will easily believe any lie in which they are cooler than anybody else on the planet. The trouble with this plan is that they probably demand you to prove that notion to them for the rest of your life because if they’re the cooler person, then you need to want to be like them and want them to teach you how to be a copy of them.

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