How to make a relationship with the Normal Person* and a Savants* work?

In this context, the key difference between the way the Normal Person* and a Savants* thinks is sex and romance. It is NOT REALISTIC to expect that the Normal Person* can fulfil a Savants*’s sexual and romantic needs, even if they turn into a regular porn star meets sex coach and learn every move in Kama Sutra. The Savants* may still choose a partner who does standard missionary with lights off and nothing else… Ever. Although sex is of vital importance to a Savants*, it doesn’t mean they’re hanging off ceiling lamps to do it. Quite the opposite, they can be very simple-minded about it all because it’s not about technique like the Normal Person* think; it’s about chemistry, connection, romance… Everything except the sex itself, and this means the Cat Thinking men as well.

Now. There is a possibility that a Savants* is in love with the Normal Person*, or thinks their partner is the Normal Person*, because it’s not always easy to tell, and in that case, there’s hope. A lot of hope. I feel completely pessimistic about the possibility of the Normal Person* swaying a Savants* into loving them if they never have or have already fallen out of love with who they thought was their one true love. I don’t think it’s worth the effort for the Normal Person* to try, and the Savants* are rarely appreciative of the effort, either.

So. If a Savants* doesn’t want that relationship, there’s very little the Normal Person* can do to change their mind, and the little they can do is really not worth the effort, I’d advise. That’s not what the Normal Person* wants to hear so I’m going to give you SOME points on how to keep a marriage going even if the romance is out of it.

• Open the relationship. Let the Savants* wander free. The danger here is that they will fall in love with someone else and leave anyway. This may buy you some time, however.
• If the Savants* is a Christian or otherwise indoctrinated to loyalty, they may stick around despite wanting something different, but only if they haven’t fallen in love with anyone else for real.
• DO NOT PICK A FIGHT. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t try to test your boundaries. Don’t boss him or her around. Live nicely, politely, and kindly every single day if you want your cat-type thinker to stay.

When it’s the other way around, when the Savants* is in love with the Normal Person*, there are things you can do.

• Stop talking about love. Start expressing love with gifts; the more expensive, the better. Make them thoughtful so you can feel them, too. (That’s more for you, tho.)
• Talk about safety, security, home, children, building a nest… That kind of things.
• Stop focusing on sex and sexual chemistry and sift your focus to everyday matters, locking the doors, shopping, and being on time.
• Start thinking of the role of a spouse in similar terms as treating it as a job. Show up and do your part.

If you are dating someone you don’t know the type yet, try full barrage of topics

• If you’re a Savants*, greet them overtly politely, and see how they react. The Normal Person* will instantly protest or ridicule you, when a Savants* rolls with it.
• Talk about your family – in as much detail as you feel comfortable with. The Normal Person* will be MUCH MORE INTERESTED in your family than the Savants* will be, even if they were head-over-heels in love with you. An Savant* wants to focus on you, the people attached to you are somewhat behind a blurred vision for them.
• Talk about true love, and see how your date responds: A Normal Person* will immediately start using words like “marriage” and “starting a family”. They may mention how true love can’t be based on sexual chemistry. An Savant* will maybe make no mention of marriage but if they do, they’ll mention romance with a wedding, but not really marriage in any practical terms. They may also mention defining “true love” as a relationship with someone who they don’t fall out of love with until death do them part, and maybe underline it to mean they find their true love partner sexually attractive throughout life. To a Savants*, true love is definitely based on sexual chemistry, but they may not be bold enough to say that unless you say it first.
• Bringing up kids and family plans will make a Savants* squirm. They’ll think it’s too soon to be talking about kids – they’re not a decision you make without knowing a potential co-parent. They’ll maybe brush the topic off as “maybe one day, if I meet the right one,” without meaning you cannot be the one. They just don’t know yet. They may already know they love you for everything you are, but not know if they want kids with you or not… Or with anyone at all. In fact, the Normal Person* marry mainly to have children, the Savants* have children as as reaction to a romance, but they’re not going to marry anybody just to start a family.
• Bring up some mildly sexual topic. An Savant* will love the topic and bring up more of the same, the Normal Person* will start squirming in their seat. If they’re a he, he may reprimand you for talking about such matters at all, and if they’re a she, she will reprimand you for bringing it up on a first date. (With a Savants*, you HAVE TO speak about sex, or they’ll think they’ve been friend zoned – women especially, they think if a guy doesn’t bring up sex, he can’t be interested in her in that way.)
• Bring up your most controversial ideas and opinions, as much as you dare. An Savant* will be interested in hearing your opinion in whatever, the Normal Person* will shut you down and call you names if they deem you too far strayed from the popular opinion.

Remember: People do change, but not for people they’re not planning to stay with forever.

the Normal Person* or the Savants*, nobody changes for people they’re not in love with. If you have trouble changing someone, or every small adjustment requires a fight, you know they’re not planning to stick around. If they also are not trying to change you in any way, including how to treat them, they’re not planning to coach you into staying. THAT SAID, don’t confuse someone’s explanation why they’re leaving to instruction on what you should change into – you’ll know because the things they speak of are humanly impossible to do. Which is why it’s their REASON FOR LEAVING, not requirement for staying.

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