A Survivalist* will basically say or do anything to make you stay.

What scares the Survivalist*people more than anything else in this world is to be alone. This surpasses all logic; they’ll let you be the danger they know if the option is being alone. They will let you cheat on them, verbally abuse, hit, kick, and abuse in every way you can, and if they feel they have nowhere else to turn, they’ll stay with you just to avoid a lonely night at a hotel.

This means they don’t need you to give them a reason why you’re leaving because they don’t accept any. There is no reason that makes enough sense to them if they feel they’ve got you. And at this stage, they’ll fake competence and bravery, they’ll try to be a good sport, they’ll agree to try harder, and they’ll get gender reassignment surgery if that might keep them around longer. But most importantly, notice this: They WILL EVEN pretend that they are FINE with you leaving if that means you’ll relax and stay another week or two longer. The only reason why you might want to give them a warning that you’re leaving is to give them time to find another friend or a partner.

They may also be purely monogamist because they don’t feel they have the strength to hold onto more than one person at a time, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have backup plans all over the place. They’ll act like the world is coming down on them if you leave, but it really isn’t ABOUT YOU, they don’t care about who you are, as long as you’re willing to stay, and if you are a kind-hearted individual with a sense of compassion toward them, of course, you’re inclined to stay… But if you’re looking for true love, you either have to stay or bring in a new partner next to the old one. (Better you leave.)

What is even crazier is that they fear relationships, too. They don’t LIKE relationships, they NEED relationships to protect them from other people’s scorn. They want to fit in because standing out as a “loner” to them means they’ll be easy pickings for a faceless, unnamed danger, akin to being fed as a live sacrifice to ‘forrest gods’ if they stand out too much, and if it seems nobody would miss them if they were given as a sacrifice to gods. (This could be a past life trauma.)

Therefore, basically, whatever they say when you’re about to leave them is only a strategy to keep you there for a little longer. They may take a few hours and come up with a new angle, or re-enact another previously successful strategy, whatever that was. Trying to understand your reasons being a VERY effective one with the Idealists*… Who still want to leave but will give the Survivalist*ome more time to understand their reasons – until they often give up and stay.

The Survivalist*also fears being replaced because they can understand quite well, so they’ll sabotage your other relationships the best they can while APPEARING being helpful. For instance, your best friend realizes you’ve fallen in love. They pretend to make friends with your new-found love because that’s what they should do, as your best friend, right? Then, they drop hints about how you’re not a great person, casually, just as if it shouldn’t matter that you’re a bit of a player/whore, and how they appreciate your new love for forgiving them for all of their past. They may also hint as if you were already picking out wedding dresses/rings at two weeks into the relationship, seemingly to congratulate your new love for having made such an impression when the true intent is to make you seem so insane that your new-found love will leave you be.

They may also pretend like they don’t want commitment because they know that a lot of people avoid people who would be too quick to commit or to demand commitment out of practical strangers, so they pretend to be aloof or disinterested for a longer time than what’s reasonable, just to latch on at the first sign of a partner showing signs of interest, that they will then take for a sign of commitment: first, they run away from you and if you keep chasing them or talking to them when they ask for attention from you, and once they have been “friends with you” for a number of weeks, they start acting as they own you – and at this stage, you’re in a very bad position.

They will accuse you of having commitment issues, intimacy issues, trouble settling, impossible standards, or whatever it takes to make you want to give your relationship a try. Then, they will dodge and weave whenever they find you to be leaving or thinking of leaving.

They’ll play the waiting game, they’ll stay there when you’re looking for other relationships so that you’ll realize they are your only option. They TRAP YOU, skillfully and carefully, purposefully, and then accuse you of trapping them… and now you own them. (For instance, you had sex with them, and that, to them, obviously meant that you have a commitment. And you may feel compelled to accept that.)

It can be incredibly tricky to get out of this relationship, but accepting they’ll say anything to keep their easiest target around, whether they love you or not, is the first key to your freedom. You have to accept YOU DO NOT MATTER TO THEM much more than what a blanket means to a homeless person. He won’t mind the color, the thickness, the cleanliness of it, the nicer it is the better, but he’ll do with an old rag if that’s all he can get his hands on.

That is what the Idealists* get stuck with – they actually believe they mean something to that person, and it takes a massive blow on our ego to realize we’re nothing more than a fancy blanket on a cold night or a trophy to show around at other parents.

The more of a status partner you can or could potentially be, the more important it is that you see these signs. Psychology calls it a narcissistic personality disorder, a borderline personality disorder, or histrionic personality disorder, as they will do anything to start and keep a relationship. These are basically just different strategies to solve the same problem; fear of being alone. They also target high-achievers because they THINK they are as desperate and afraid as they are, which motivates high achieving.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message