Abuser logic: “I need you not to have the self-confidence to leave me.”

The reason why abusers try to tear down your self-confidence from up close is so they’ll make it so you won’t have the self-confidence to leave them. They justify this by telling themselves that “deep down they love you” and that “they’ll have you back in a pinch.” But what “the pinch” is or might be, I wonder. What they do, is that they talk you up behind your back – but never to people who actually matter; that would risk THEM wanting to take you away from them, right? But they’ll REMEMBER saying nice things about you to other people, but if THOSE people start thinking TOO highly of you, they’ll quickly correct their view to remind them that HE/SHE loves you, but in reality, you’re not that great, not to anybody but them… It’s just that they see your true worth and value. Your worth is so difficult to see, in fact, they deserve a freaking medal for seeing it.

“The WORLD won’t love you – I do.”

They think what they’re doing is preparing you for the world, to accept that THE WORLD won’t want you, THE WORLD will not think you’re enough, THE WORLD is a scary place that you don’t want to go to… YOUR best place is with your abuser, who, despite their cold words and rough exterior, and their HONESTY (about how shit you are), is worth sticking with because, at the end of the day, they’ll “have your back,” which means that as money is hard to come by, and if THEY struggle getting it, YOU don’t stand a chance… So don’t even try. (This is especially effective with one’s own children.)

If their victim happens to make money anyway, they’ll always try to pitch their “being there for you in a pinchness” no matter how little they actually had to do it, to guilt you into paying their way now, and preferably for them to live with you. Especially with parents, they owe their child THEIR BEST ANYWAY and should not have to BEG FOR ALMS if they’ve done their job properly in the first place. An abuser will also always attempt to replace actual love, care, trust, emotional support, friendship, and love with money… And the less of it you have, the better for them. Therefore, they’ll never ACTUALLY want you to be wealthy, even if they complained to you about it day in, day out.

Abuser with a cheerleading squad: Your MOTHER.

Then, there’s the special privileges abuser with a cheerleading squad: your own mother. “But she’s your mother,” “But she’s your mother,” “But she’s your mother: Give me an M, give me an O, give me a T….” Whatever you do to treat your abusive mother the way she actually deserves to be treated is met with a complete social upheaval; you CANNOT tell your mother to go to hell, you can tell your slightly lacking dad to fuck off for whatever reason; “I hate that my dad insists on using red checkered flannel shirts, so I refuse to talk to him until he changes styles.” People be like, “yeah, that’s fair. The bastard needs to learn,” but not your mother. Even if your mother had physically beaten you for NO REASON for your whole childhood, never fed you, or gave you enough clothes to wear, not because she couldn’t, but because she wouldn’t, people will treat you like a spoiled brat for turning on her: “But she’s your mother!”

Because nobody plays the victim as efficiently as your mother does.

Mothers like this are abusers with unvetted access to their victims they literally created for the purpose.

I beg you, PLEASE, never to utter that god-awful phrase again. You’ll be potentially aiding an abuser, not setting the world back the right way around. NOBODY turns on their mother for no reason unless THEY are the abuser, and THEIR mother no longer wants to have anything to do with them. Sure, it’s a red flag, but just have a little think about it, see how this person behaves with you and others; are they clingy, needy? Do they guilt-trip others a lot to do their bidding constantly? Those traits are hard to hide. At the end of the day, even their mother is just a person with a past history with them, not a holy being, despite all glorification of motherhood.

You, the step-ladder.

That is not THE ONLY WAY you can be abused, either. Some abusers think you WOULDN’T have the self-confidence to leave them, anyway, so they don’t even bother ripping into it. They just act like there’s no need for them to do it, and they can just walk back into your life to take advantage of you whenever they need to, once you’ve got something to give them. But they may still use you as a stepping stone to better things and see your worth only when you have the advantage to offer them and think that whatever work you do, you do to provide them with a higher ladder.

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