Acceptance of minority groups and the right to an intimate relationship

Again, I’m going to try and move the cursor from “too much” closer to “what’s fair”, in what is “acceptance” and what is asking a bit too much.

There is a level of confusion in what is “acceptance”, what is “discrimination”, and what are basic human rights… And I’m going to start with one simple law: Nobody owes anyone love. What everyone is owed is an equal opportunity to prove oneself and to impress others. That’s all. You shouldn’t be held from trying out to become a ballet dancer because of obesity, but the chances of getting the role would be slim, considering the gruesome discipline a ballet dancer must endure to deliver the performance that is demanded of him or her, for instance.

You shouldn’t be held from trying out to become a firefighter because you’re a female, but if your lack of physical strength holds the team back, then a man should get the job. Your right to be accepted as a female shouldn’t cost the life of a man trapped in a fire that you are physically too weak to pull out. That kind of thing. (And from a firefighter: If you must break down in the middle of a rescue operation because there are kids trapped in a car and you can’t put your emotions aside because you’re a female, then the honorable thing to do is to quit your job despite being “a hormonal female”.)

Discrimination is blocking you from a job or an opportunity based on a superficial thing, DESPITE the FACT you CAN do what is required from the least capable job applicant or equivalent. As in, if you ARE the strongest candidate for the last job offered as a firefighter, then you should get it, but, I feel, that if there’s a stronger male candidate available a year later, public safety dictates it should be his job, really. These things shouldn’t become a matter of gender pride and an individual’s ego but should be distributed based on actual capacities regardless of gender.

Personal relationships

Now… This is where things get a bit darker, still.

The fact that everyone should have the right to exist in this world without being bullied or threatened for simply existing, there’s also no reason why capable kids or adults should be bullied into accepting the advances of people who they truly don’t want near them. I know it sounds cruel, but would you tell a man who wants sex that he should have the right to sleep with any woman he wants, simply because he’s got needs and a woman has a vagina and a capacity to offer it to his use because he needs it?

You may feel that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but when you think about how often people get guilted into having romantic relationships with people they are not honestly attracted to, the example starts to sound a little bit more realistic than what it should. If someone is PRESSURED into a sexual relationship with accusations of “being shallow”, “being discriminative”, or “not woke” or whatever, isn’t that akin to rape, whether the target is a male or a female?

Sure, one might ask how important is it to be regarded as a good person compared to your sexual autonomy, and if you take the deal, you shouldn’t complain – and basically, that’s true too. I keep telling people that if you take a promotion when your boss trades it for sexual favors, that’s a call you made, and the same rule should apply here, but I still want to point out the hypocrisy of pressuring someone into a sexual relationship and claiming you’re the victim. At least no sleazy boss has taken the attitude that “the entitled bitch didn’t take the job, even though she could have gotten it by simply sucking my cock.”

Friendships

What about platonic friendships, then? Mostly, friendships are natural between people who see things in a similar light, right? There are two types of approaches to this: You choose friends who are already similar to you, and who have demonstrated their FREE WILL of being the way you both like to be, as in you both have the same values and interests and those are the things that bring you together. Then, there’s the way of semi-randomly winding up into a group, and then you try your best to become as similar to each other as possible. Now… Here’s the problem.

Let’s take two very different kinds of people. One has a high IQ, is naturally gifted in sports, has great genetics, and basically wins in life, and the other is of low or average IQ, is not gifted in many things, and is genetically disadvantaged, and these two are somewhat coerced to make friends. Now, for the friendship to be “real”, they have to become as similar to each other as possible.

There are two ways to do it: The high IQ person can start lowering their school scores, stop doing sports, override their good genes and become obese on purpose in order to meet the low IQ friend “in the middle”. Or, the low IQ person is driven to their highest capacity, which can be super stressful for them, in order to reach as close to the high IQ individual as possible. This is usually the preferred method in situations like this; the lower capacity individual tries to measure up, but often finds it impossible to do, and the friendship, in all honesty, never proves to be complete.

There are friends and then there are friends

Although I am one of those people who have never had any issues hanging out with all kinds of people, there is, to me, a clear difference between someone I hang out with in order to be accepting, inclusive, and accommodating, and those who are real friends. What I have found tho, that the not so real friends may not be quite aware of the fact that we are not “real friends”, and it may come to them as a shock, that I am… That I don’t feel grateful or amazed about them being my friends as much as they feel that toward me.

And I’ve found, at an older age, that it may have been a bit cruel to let them believe that our friendship meant the same to me as friendships with some other people, although I did that with the best intentions. To “give it a chance” is not the same thing for someone “popular” and to someone who needs a chance… Because the person who needs a chance is always going to be more than ready to have and keep that relationship, but the same isn’t true for the person who needs to give another person a chance in order to be proven to be holding prejudice or to be “shallow”, or put weight on things that “don’t matter in a relationship”.

However, what matters in a relationship to one person, doesn’t matter to another. For someone of high IQ, what they give a chance to is to find out that this person is much smarter than what they look, that they are actually super funny and great company, but what they are actually asked to give a chance to is that they can trust this person to be there when they need a friend… But the problem is, that has never been a real issue with a lot of people who can have friends by the snap of their fingers, and who rarely feel crushed by life itself. Therefore, in reality, these people wind up giving, giving, giving, they’re the ones who are there for their friend, but in truth, they receive very little from that relationship compared to what they’re giving. But friendships should be equally rewarding in order to be friendships rather than charity or a transaction with the purpose of stroking both parties’ ego.

What matters in a relationship or a friendship?

What each person wants from their personal relationships should be for them to define. This should not be a community vote. Although you can demand co-workers to get along and play nice with each other, and school kids to be FRIENDLY towards all other kids, that’s as far as these rules should go. To demand off-hour interaction between people who don’t naturally feel a connection to each other should not be demanded. To ask people to “be friends” is not even emotionally possible, as you cannot command love to exist between people who don’t truly see the world through the same eyes.

It is not up to another person to dictate to another who they should appreciate, value, or admire, and it is time people start learning that life is… Fair in more ways than what people want to admit to. Obesity is a choice, for instance. It’s often passed on to children by their parents’ habits, not their genes. Attitudes in which people interact are, also, largely a choice. What you value and don’t value is a choice.

If you love physical aesthetics, that’s your business, if you much prefer cake to a stereotypically beautiful figure, that’s your business, but you shouldn’t insist that a person who is willing to hit the gym at 5, or put the spoon down after 1800 daily calories should not value another person for those same qualities over someone who doesn’t do so. And if someone likes a blonde over a brunette, that should be their right to choose, too, but what they don’t have the right to do, is to attack the brunette for being brunette, and thus less to their personal liking.

Everyone has the right to love, everyone is worthy of love, but nobody has the right to a specific person’s love, or the right to belittle and shame that person for not loving them or some other specific person. Nobody should feel they have to prove themselves to be a good, loving person, or a normal person, by maintaining relationships that are not rewarding for them, too. It’s just another form of bullying.

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