An Obsessive Chaser – Unwanted, One-sided “Love”

There is a possibility that something like the theory of spiritual love, spiritual “rights”, “a spiritual marriage”, or a “spiritual bond” will drive someone insane. Unfortunately, while one group of people desperately needs to hear that they are NOT crazy thinking that the person they love loves them back despite the way things look, because they’re NOT crazy, there’s another group of people that ignore ALL SIGNS of the opposite and insists that if they are in love with someone, that person OWES them returned feelings.

Note that this applies to ANY relationship; friendship, parent-child relationship, a love relationship, a fan/idol relationship, or even a teacher/student relationship. Any relationship, where the object has somehow made themselves important to the chaser, as in “they did X for me, and this means we’re bonded”.

A quick list

Some signs of a true obsession (and self-assessment seems to be very difficult task here)

1. Based on a personal act of kindness performed by the object at one time or another.
2. The obsessive chaser believes in their own RIGHT(S) and their object’s RESPONSIBILITY or OBLIGATION toward the chaser.
3. They may list all the things the chaser has “done for” the object that should justify their expectations regarding them. (This also applies to obsessive parents chasing their estranged children.) These “done for” things go something like the object (runner) has done X for the chaser, the chaser has reprociated by doing this, that, that thing, also this, but somehow, the object, (the runner) isn’t responding as expected. The chaser feels the runner is “driving up the price” by demanding more than what they gave to begin with.
4. They DO NOT think there is even a theoretical chance of them being wrong about how they see things, their superiority and their rights over their object. They may be INCAPABLE of saying those words “I may be wrong about this” out loud even to save themselves from a jail sentence.
5. They will find ANY explanation possible that the rejection isn’t real. They’ll get into conspiracy theory level thinking to explain WHY their object is rejecting them.
6. Their demeanor seems panicked and scared, obsessive. They feel that IF something doesn’t change soon, they will LOSE this person, and that, to them, seems like “the wrong outcome”.
7. The chaser is typically FAR from being equal to their object. They are not as attractive, not as smart, not as talented or skilled in ANY area of life, and not as intriguing as their object – they are not what you’d consider a credible, natural pair. (They also brush notes of this aside by saying that “none of that superficial stuff counts here. This is bigger or different.”)
8. The chasing may pause at times, especially when the object seems unsuccessful or unhappy. Something may retrigger the chasing, or it may be that the chaser believes THEY have rejected the object, but if it becomes apparent that the object has moved on or happy, that may retrigger the chasing. “You have no right being happy without me / moving on without me / being happier than myself.”
9. They are not apologetic or aware of their own insanity. They don’t care about how crazy they may seem, they act boldly and in a demanding tone. They believe in THEIR RIGHTS.
10. They will use any method to get close to their object, believing they’d be happy to see them. If the object isn’t happy, they come up with ANY explanation as to what’s wrong, including brainwashing from a third party.
11. They don’t care if they are hurting their object. They are completely selfish about their feelings. They feel the object owes them love and it doesn’t matter if they hurt when they are being chased for it, it is like asking someone to be sorry for a criminal hurting when they’re being apprehended. The object is running from their obligations, you see, and therefore their happiness is not relevant. In fact, their happiness is the very offense in question.

Signs of healthy thinking, a True Emotion Mirror bond

1. Maybe experienced between people who have LITERALLY NEVER MET or spoken or had ANY in-person contact to each other.
2. They seem apologetic and understanding of how crazy it all sounds.
3. They don’t tend to do too many crazy things like sitting in the car outside their objects’ house wishing to see them. They MIGHT, but they will seem somewhat rational about it and may laugh at themselves for doing so.
4. They care about their object’s wellbeing over the wellbeing of their own. They are willing and able to let go of this person if they TRULY feel that they have moved on and in love with someone else. Note that this DOES NOT mean a marriage or a relationship, as they DO sense the true feelings of their counterpart, who sometimes does marry not knowing they are loved.
5. The only reason why True Emotion Mirrors would not be together is a misunderstanding, but the possibilities of misunderstandings are ENDLESS. Usually, the object’s belief the chaser is either toying with them or not really aware who they are: “Someone like that would never TRULY love me if they knew what I was like”.
6. When you consider the IQ, level of skill and talent, physical beauty, and other “equal” factors, apart from financial status and fame, these two people seem equal to each other. (It is important to understand that the difference in their financial status and fame ARE NOT a factor, and one party may seem a little insane, too.)
7. They may say they hear this person’s thoughts in their head or feel their feelings or are somehow connected to their spirits. They can usually give a few relatively small sounding examples of how they know their thoughts are partially shared.
8. They tend not to go overboard with their chasing. They, for instance, are very reluctant to take part in fan meetings or pretend to be their objects client, as they fear making a fool out of themselves. They may still do it but they are far from being confident or comfortable. They prefer meeting their other half as their equal, once their own finances and social status is such that they can walk into their counterpart’s life with their head held high.

A former act of kindness

Aka. no good deed goes unpunished

The obsessive bond, controversially, has SOME connection to reality or real emotions exchanged between these two people. Curiously, a True Emotion Mirror bond is truly spiritual and CAN exist between people who have never met or who have never really spoken to each other. It SEEMS crazy in that regard, but let me explain.

The obsessive bond is based on former kindness shown to them by the object. The object may be the kid who defended the chaser against bullies, or who befriended an unpopular kid at school to show them kindness and compassion. The object may be the chaser’s former teacher or a student, teacher if they tutored the chaser in some capacity or showed them extra attention, the student if they were exceptionally thankful, talented, or collaborative with the teacher. People who do voluntary or charity work of any kind are magnets for these connections. This may also be a star who has responded their fan’s letter, had a personal conversation with a fan when they didn’t have to or showed kindness or appreciation towards a “lowly” service person when they didn’t have to. In short, someone “from above” has shown kindness or compassion towards someone “from below”.

The object made the chaser feel important, even just as important or significant as others, or even MORE important than others, cared for, trusted, respected, or loved at one point in their lives, and now they want that feeling back. They feel they have a right to it. It may be that the object is the only person who has ever shown them kindness before, and they now feel the bond is special. In reality, the object was simply being a nice person, and the chaser is very unaccustomed to nice people.

They feel gutted when the nice person tries to move on and end the relationship, as that is THE ONLY relationship they’ve ever felt good about. The nice person, the object, obviously assumed the relationship would dismantle on it’s own over time, as people age, move on, grow up etc. but the chaser doesn’t see it that way. They want the friendship or love to last forever.

What is also notable is that the obsessive chaser’s primary motivation is rarely sexual. Therefore, they call it “a spiritual”, “a higher”, connection, but the person they get obsessed by is usually of the gender they are naturally attracted to. (Note that many people don’t realize they’re bisexual, so same-sex obsessions exist.) The chaser would most likely be open to a sexual relationship, but they believe the connection isn’t about sex, which also makes them feel like normal relationship rules don’t apply here. They also cannot see a reason why they should be rejected if they are not after a sexual connection but friendship or platonic love and would still allow their object to sleep with other people.

The rationale is, that the chaser feels unimportant to people. Therefore, when an important person (somehow popular, a catch, a superior person) shows them kindness, they feel the only explanation is that they share a special bond, because the object didn’t have to be kind but they were. They reject the idea that the object was simply being nice, kind, performed their duty, or were even paid to be kind to everyone around them.

Any explanation will do

No matter how obvious the reasons for the objects rejection of the chaser are to an outside observer, the chaser will see NO REAL reason why they’re being rejected. They believe the rejection is a test, it’s because the object doesn’t believe they love them (can also often apply to the True Emotion Mirror, also why the obsessives believe it so strongly especially as they’ve either experienced the feeling or they’ve read about it somewhere and now obsessively believe it). They may believe in brainwashing or mind control by another person or a group.

If the object moves on with another person, and no matter how obviously in love they are, the chaser explains it as some kind of witchcraft. They may explain that “the other woman/man gives them sex” or “gives them everything they want so easily” or that the object “was forced into the relationship somehow”.

If the objects close ones try to defend the object from this “crazy stalker” by not passing calls through, or by chasing them off the property without letting the chaser meet the object, the chaser will believe the object is held with these people by force.

Will not see the possibility that they, the chaser, might be mistaken

While a rational person will gladly admit that there is at least a theoretical chance that they’ve misinterpreted their object’s feelings and words, or that they are imagining the spiritual connection or the voices in their heads or that they may have actually gone genuinely crazy, the deranged chaser doesn’t see this as a possibility. It seems that if they are forced to admit it, it will take all wind out of their sails, even if they are being forced to read a sentence like that on a piece of paper. I am not 100% convinced this will work (or applies) 100% of the time, but a belief based on denial of reality MAY be punctured by writing something like the following on a piece of paper and then forcing the chaser to read it out loud:

“I understand that people sometimes go crazy over another person. I MAY BE one of those people who has gotten it wrong. There is a chance I am not loved back, and that it is all in my head, and in reality, I am delusional. It may be that I truly have no rights regarding this person.”

One of two things should happen: They refuse to say it no matter what, or they do and seem to completely deflate, at least momentarily.

Will not want to admit the object has a right to happiness without the chaser

The chaser strongly believes the object is obligated to the chaser. Similarly to the above, it should be somewhat impossible for the chaser to agree that the object has a right to a life without the chaser no matter how the chaser feels about it. Again, not even a theoretical right. Many people are fortifying this belief too, by insisting nobody should be rejected, be bullied, be excluded, or denied love and affection, and they feel that if they love someone, their love should be returned. (Not to be confused with fetishes of similar nature that are perfectly normal between consenting (agreeing) partners: “my girlfriend shouldn’t (sexually) reject my best friend…”)

If you ask the chaser to confirm that they do believe in a person’s right to choose their partner and to be happy with someone else, the chaser will have a hard time stomaching such an idea. They will try to argue the opposite. Again, if you write them something on a piece of paper and try to make them say it, they will react to it similarly to the above, either by refusing to read it or feeling deflated if they do. A normal person could read it out loud without trouble, a person who is KNOWINGLY predatorial would read it and simply not attach emotion to it, but an obsessive chaser will not be able to read it, as they do not agree with it even in theory. Try something like:

“Every person, *whatever name or term they use* included, has a right to choose who they spend their life with. They have the right to feel happy and joyous without me. They have a right to a life without me. I do not own them. I don’t have the right to control this *name/term*’s life and existence.”

Forcing the person read these two thoughts above out loud may trigger a recovery, but it also may be temporary. (My money is on the latter,) but it will at least give you insight into what is actually going on.

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