Are you in love, do you love, or are you just desperate?

The three levels of love:

When you are in love with someone, you feel happy about their happiness. It becomes important to you that they are happy, and when they are, you are happy. You don’t care what makes them happy – you wish it to be you, but you are not strict about that. You just want them to be happy no matter what.

When you love, you want them to be happy, but their happiness doesn’t have a huge boost on your happiness. It’s nice, but you can live without their happiness, but their unhappiness bothers you still.

When you recognize a person’s ability to make you happy, without caring whether they are happy or not – that is just you being desperate. You’re generally unhappy, and you know it. You see another person and think they’re your (free) ticket to happiness. When it’s all about you, it’s not love, and it’s not being in love with that person… And they probably don’t like being the object of your hopes and dreams because they feel like caring about you is an obligation – something you think they owe them while you can’t and don’t have the wish or need to “pay back” by making them happy, too.

“You first” -attitude

When you are being desperate and love someone from a place of desperation, you have this “you first” attitude. “You make me happy first; after you’ve made me happy, I’ll consider your reward.”

When someone is in love,  they don’t think that way. They want to make a person they are in love with happy even if they didn’t “repay” because their happiness in itself is the reward. Their object has probably also already done something that makes them happy by simply being them; existing. They find that person’s existence alone something that makes them happy.

When you love someone (without being in love with them), you want their happiness simply because they’re a human being, and you think you’d be happier when everybody is happy. But their happiness doesn’t REALLY make you happy, and their existence alone isn’t enough to make you happy. Further, you may stop loving them if they become a burden to your happiness, let alone get in between you and those who you are in love with.

How do you get out of this?

If you are in the “you first” situation, you get out of it by putting you first. 😉

People who are not desperately looking for someone to make them happy make themselves happy. They put themselves first, generally speaking. They have a certain selfishness to their existence. You have to do the same. You have to take your mind of relationships first, and focus on yourself and things that make you happy.

Once you have A LIFE that makes you happy, THEN you won’t be needing to cling onto other people to make you happy, and you’ll have somewhere to draw from when you need to make someone else happier than they already are.

The happier you become, the more desperate people try to cling onto you and demand you make them happy, too – the people who think like you do, now – and you just have to keep telling them no; and maybe help them understand they have to make themselves happy before they are good for anybody else.

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