Authenticity and appropriateness; when are you being “authentic” and when are you just being an ass.

My “authenticity” may sound pretentious to you. In my everyday communication, I swear and use “language”. When I’m writing my posts and when I’m doing my YouTube videos, I still use “language”. I also have no intention of stopping. I love swearing, I absolutely love it – it’s weird. That said, these channels are mine, they represent ME, and none of my readers, viewers, and listeners need to be there. My turf. That’s my space. My rules. That’s why I get to do what I like on my turf, and you can choose not to be there if it bothers you.

In more formal situations, however, when people don’t realistically get to come and go as they please, I’ll mind my tongue. Otherwise, I’d be an ass.

You must be mindful about what is appropriate behavior near people who are not your personal friends.

Appropriate behavior is an important social construct for times when we do not have control over with whom we are interacting. Extended family situations, public events, and anything that is to be regarded as ‘mandatory’, either literally or practically speaking, should be considered a situation where “default” behavior needs to be observed. If a person would be considered rude or breaking rules by leaving the group, you, as an individual cannot give yourself permission to be the reason for them wishing to.

Manners and appropriateness is not BORING. It is exciting to see people with great manners and who know how to apply different social modalities to the appropriate situation. It is not the purpose of authenticity to throw all caution to the wind and just act like you’re in a zoo. Authenticity means you remove UNNECESSARY restraints of yourself, and you make sure that you don’t put yourself in life situations that require you to be constantly lying about who you are, such as creating tight collaborations, friendships, or romantic relationships with people who really cannot stand who you authentically are.

When conformists conform to non-conformity, the results are not going to be great.

When conformists try to conform to non-conformity the result is usually ridiculous or dangerous. Conformists are instantly out of their comfort zone, therefore, they OVER-DO everything by default. They seem like emotional streakers doing half the stuff that non-conformists do without seeming like they’re over-exposing themselves.

To be the real you, you MUST decide what you value about people and yourself and present yourself in a light that you can be proud of. This way of being is more than likely going to change according to your company, for instance, my authentic self is NOT the same way with my best friends and my mother for instance. I’m not going to pretend I am comfortable around my mother because I simply am not. I hate being around her and that’s all there is to it… and I’m also not shy to say so to her or anybody else… Where appropriate. I’d be happier doing a job interview at Tesla than going home for the weekend, and that’s just the way it is. Why? Because geniuses effin’ understand me. I CAN be myself around the genii, I don’t have to pull back, or second guess which incredibly weird filter my words are going to be dragged through and then spat back in my face in an unrecognizable form.

Bringing up personal topics with strangers.

Now. Some people might have an issue with me washing my dirty laundry in public, but I am a relationship educator. Therefore, my family matters become teaching material. But this topic of discussion would be largely inappropriate in many situations and with many people, and I would never bring it up in such situations. If I were to talk about my mother -issues at a Tesla job interview particularly in the wrong context, that would be me being an ass.

Your primary job in every social situation is to be mindful of the feelings and comfort of others. Are your jokes funny, or are you just making everybody uncomfortable or annoyed? Are your stories entertaining or are they just you thinking you’re the star of the show when nobody couldn’t give less of a ** about your evening? Is it possible that others are ALREADY ANNOYED about the prospect of having to spend this time with you, and you are making matters worse by being all “personality”? Like, for instance, for most parts of my life (so far), I keep my mouth shut because I am often in situations in which it would be inappropriate to expose my full personality and divulge my truthful opinions about my company to them.

It is not my job to be liked by everybody, and it is nobody’s job or duty to be liked by me. However, it is all of our duty to expose our true self MINDFULLY in company where we might not be fully appreciated the way that we are…

If you don’t know anything about their sex life, they’re not your friends.

It is also everybody’s job to realize that unless you are happy and comfortable discussing each other’s sexcapades together, YOU AREN’T VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. Even if you were divulging, and others were not, you know you making yourself a colossal ass. You are not in company where discussing sexual matters is welcome to the other members of the party. And CERTAINLY; if you don’t want to hear details of THEIR sex life, keep all sexual remarks to the minimum out of politeness. And remind yourself; if you don’t know a thing about their sex life, they’re not your friend, and you shouldn’t torture them with details of your sex life, either.

Authenticity is not an exercise in violent self-exposure.

Authenticity is not only about self-exposure, it’s also about being mindful of the AUTHENTIC nature of your relationships. Some are formal relationships, some are family relationships, and some are personal relationships. I do put family relationships and personal relationships into different categories – if you don’t talk about your love and sex life with a family member, they’re not part of your PERSONAL circle, and it’s fine, they don’t have to be. We can’t choose our family members, therefore, some of these relationships will have to remain rather formal or superficial in nature.

And now, conformists… No. The objective here is not to forcefully start conversations about sex with your closest friends and family members. You just have to know that with REAL friends and family members, these topics come up quite naturally without forcing it. I am also aware that there are people who don’t have friends. It’s bad luck, but online friends do count, yeah?

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