Bad reasons to get into a relationship and why some people feel good about them
Now, I am not entirely sure everyone feels the same way about every point I’m going to make in this post, because people are weird and they’re different. However, I’m going to be able to give you some reasons why people knowingly fight against what you call true love and they think it’s sensible.
Definitions of “true love”
There are people who think “true love” should never be easy. It should be challenged by people trying to pull you away, right? This, I think most people agree with, but still, not all. To some, “true love” is the thrilling love you feel when you steal a moment in the arms of your true lover, OR it is the love you show to your permanent partner who you give your name or your public persona to. To some, true love and cheating can’t never go together, at least not for a long time or permanently, and to some, true love means giving up on the romantic sexual rush in order to give to someone boring but deserving.
And whichever way you feel about it, you felt your gut kicked a few times reading that paragraph.
Now, EVERYONE tries to preach against what they don’t want, right? Everyone tries to promote the way they, themselves want to be loved and appreciated. For you, the power take on that is that whatever you want, that is YOUR THING and you need to stay strong in what it is that you wish for, for you and your true love(s) that you may have.
The logic
There’s a certain logic to all definitions of true love, and I’ll get through a few of them. I am not at all sure I’ve uncovered all of them, but I’ll update the post as more definitions and logic comes up.
Mutual adoration, sexual chemistry, and sense of belonging (True Emotion Mirror)
I’ll start with my OWN definition first, the one I’m promoting and supporting, pushing people to thrive toward in all of my posts everywhere online. This, to me, is the holy grail.
The love at first sight that will never part you no matter how long you live – and the culmination of that love in finding your way together and to live and love together until you shall die – and then renewing this love again in your next lifetime. This love is between people who are intellectually, romantically, professionally, and sexually each other’s perfect counterparts, who will never tire of each other, and between whom, the “dynamic” works so well, that they are like a perpetual motion engine; only producing love rather than energy.
The lovers in this relationship, no matter how well they know each other, love each other deeper for it, not despite of it. This is the adoration of each other, seeing each other as Gods or… Something else divine – while, at the same time, feeling almost a satanic desire toward each other. They are the full-color spectrum.
Critics say this love is TOO EASY, it’s too PLEASURABLE, and as such, they call it shallow and meaningless. I believe, that people who think this way have never truly experienced the depths of it, and are still working from their ego; from their need to PROVE something to themselves and others.
The logic here, the counter-argument to the critics is that this love irritates other people. They fight against it because it is “away from them”. People in love like this like to fight their way back together again – but having said that, the dynamic itself SHOULD sustain itself even if outsiders stopped fighting against them.
The Easter Egg -love (Lovers’ Choice Soulmates*)
Another popular form of love is, what I call “the Easter Egg love”, or “the box of chocolates”. The way these people see love being exciting is making a commitment to someone relatively blindly, but for life (hopefully), like buying an unknown brand of chocolates. They feel any love is exciting, it’s just a question of how exciting it’s going to be.
Therefore, they buy the product (so to speak) based on how it’s wrapped, (looks) and then, unbox it in their wish to find something exciting to work with. “OK, so this is what you bring into the relationship, this is what I bring into the relationship, and this is what we have to work with.” This becomes a joyous way to build a life together with whomever or whatever kind of a person you wound up with after a very shallow, random purchase. It’s the vow of loving whatever I got, rather than trying to marry the person you fell for at first sight knowing exactly who they are before you even spoke to them (like with True Emotion Mirrors).
Once explained, critics would probably say it’s a great way of looking at it, for as long as you’re both in it with the same motivation, and that you truly don’t love anyone else and wish you were with them rather than this person. One thing is for sure: you BOTH need to want to do it this way, otherwise, the joy will be both one-sided and short-lived.
The Trophy wife/husband -approach
The way these people think of love and relationships is to specifically target people who are already in love with their True Emotion Mirror and try to wrangle that person out of that relationship and make a commitment to them instead. They only get excited when they see someone madly in love with another person – and can react to it as flirtation toward them rather than actual love for someone else. This is somewhat of a power rush, but the deeper idea here is that if they can convince a person to go against their very nature, their sexual desires, it must prove to be true love.
Critics would say that this assumption that someone will give up their true emotion mirror love FOR THEM is fundamentally flawed. Although a lot of people do give up on their TrEmoR, it’s more than likely out of love for that person, not for the person they wind up with. The logic here comes from the miscommunication with their TrEmoR, who they believe isn’t interested and who, they feel deserves someone or something better than what their TrEmoR can offer them.
Therefore, they (the trophy) will settle for something or someone less – after all, if they can’t have the person they want, they might as well marry any random person and try and tolerate that way of living for as long as they can. They may try and convince themselves that this is their only option and that this is how love is – true love doesn’t exist or, that that’s simply how unlucky they are in life and love and they better just grow up, take their rose-colored glasses off and accept things the way they are.
This is a highly ego-driven way of seeing love, and to me, not love at all, but a simple power trip… A power trip, that in itself is based on self-delusion; the trophy is still in love with someone else and doesn’t truly sacrifice for their spouse but for the well-being of their true love instead.
A lesser, and far less condemnable form of this is one approach to polyamory; the rush one feels for taking someone who belongs to a high-status individual and has a sexual relationship with them, while still allowing that person go back to their true love as they naturally would.
Status Spouse and a Hidden Lover
A cousin to the above, the idea here is that one marries for “love”, which is the non-sexual, practical, family-building kind of love, but in order to make that work, one has a lover on the side as a matter of course. There are people who absolutely do not believe in the necessity of combining sexual desires and romance with their married life, and they simply calmly, without one ounce of guilt, have a second relationship or relationships on the side. They see the second relationship as a way to protect the primary, public relationship, rather than a threat to it. They feel the ONLY THING required to make it OK is to make sure they don’t get caught having another relationship as a matter of a duty to “the way things are done”, as in as a matter of discretion rather than secrecy.
This, to some, is not even a matter of which one of these people is “true love” and which is “just sex”, it’s more than the combination of the two ensure pure happiness, aka. what a lot of people would consider “true love”.
The Spiritual Lover
Further, there is this idea of true love being entirely “spiritual” as in removed from sexuality and romantic love entirely. To people like this, true love is the love affair between spirits rather than bodies, and they feel this love goes beyond any sexual or romantic love affair at all. Many people who believe in the Twin Flame concept believe this to be the definition of how Twin Flames are, although another type defines Twin Flames like the True Emotion Mirror definition up the top, and a further third still defines Twin Flames as another third way yet; an obligation, traditional physical marriage ordered by God.
However, the way these people see love is more or less the love of a family member but from a member of the opposite sex. In most cases, women who romanticize this type of love wish for a man who loves them but doesn’t want sex with them – and if they do, the sex must be… “spiritual”, kind of etheric, spirit focussed rather than body focussed.
Critics would say this is a romanticization of closet homosexuals marrying each other in order to avoid heterosexual sex by escaping into a fantasy of “spiritual love” while maintaining a publically approved front. In Twin Flame circles, this would mean that they get to avoid heterosexual relationships entirely, by claiming they have a “Twin Flame relationship”, as in a heterosexual relationship that exists only in spirit. Other forms of this would be a traditional Christian relationship, where sex is had only to reproduce, and otherwise, the partners are free to pretend their abstinence from sex is a sign of piousness rather than homosexuality.
The Wall -Breaker
Another way someone feels about true love is the love you get or give no matter how much the object fights back. I call it “the love rape” as very much as a non-humorous expression of how it feels, but still, there are people who do think this is the epitome of true love.
There are people who don’t want YOUR love for whatever reason. Most commonly, because they’re in love with someone else and want you to leave them alone so they can go to that other person. However, to a person who romanticizes this kind of love, sees this person as someone who “has been hurt” by someone or something, and “doesn’t trust love anymore”, and as someone who feels they are “unlovable to the core”. So their idea is to prove to this person that they are very much loved and still wanted by someone.
Critics would say that while it MAYBE true that someone feels they are profoundly unlovable, I’d be very careful with who I subject to this kind of love because a FAR MORE LIKELY explanation to a love rejected is that THEY don’t see YOU (the giver) as lovable, rather than that they don’t see themselves as lovable. Especially if they keep trying to SHOW YOU how much they are loved by other people, they are not in the mindset of accepting love from someone who they keep showing is less than what they actually want.
A person who WISHES for someone to push love on them may act overly aggressively, and they may say things like “nobody loves me and I don’t care”, they are more than likely self-destructive (a person who is not like this is not self-destructive, they have goals and dreams whether you agree with them or not). A person who wants to attract Wall-breaker love is acting in ways that they are STRONGLY and OBVIOUSLY harming themselves, in order to give others the green light to intervene. Being the object of such love myself, I can also point out that even though I want certain things that may look self-destructive if you WANT TO look at it in that light, there is self-destructiveness and then, there are matters of opinion and adult freedoms that must be respected. Also, make a note that if a person wants to destroy relationships that are keeping them from what they want out of life, such as “destroying their own reputation” that is not being self-destructive but an attempt of self-liberation.
Also make a note, that if someone is actually seeking attention by appearing self-destructive, that doesn’t mean they are ready to accept ANY love or ANY rescuer at all. They’ll keep avoiding certain sources of love until they are happy with the person whose attention they caught… That may not be you. Be well aware that your response to someone’s May Day call may actually be the bomb that sinks the last of that battleship, Florence. Don’t be the final straw that breaks the camel’s back when you attempt to be the final straw they can grab a hold onto.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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