Being sexy means being willing to be “used” for another person’s (sexual) pleasure.

While you don’t have to be very talkative or bubbly to be highly attractive to the opposite gender,¹ there are things you cannot do and remain attractive no matter WHO you are. No matter how sexy you are physically speaking, no matter how much money you have, or what your reputation is, once you start simping and groveling in front of someone, begging for love or attention, your sex appeal drops to nearly non-existent. You must ALWAYS remain in the mindset of “I am a joy to be with”, “I am a gift”, and “I am here for your amusement/pleasure”… Something along those lines. You must remember you are someone’s happy place, not someone’s woe and sorrow, their burden, their pathetic little baby to drag along with them.

A sexy person MUST be willing to be “used” for fun, joy, and pleasure. They must be willing to entertain and amuse. Even if it’s physical; allowing someone the joy of their physical presence, the touch of their body; whatever makes YOU feel less weirded out, you know; many of us would rather let their bodies do the talking than feel the pressure of being funny or witty, you see? However, to be sexy, you must want to make another person feel good about themselves, to feel good physically, and to allow them to feel the sexual pleasure that your presence gives them. Sexy people are NEVER there only for their own pleasure, unwilling to allow the other person (him) to enjoy themselves “at their (her) expense”.

Forget about yourself. You don’t matter that much in this equation.

To be sexy, you kinda have to forget about yourself a bit and focus only on the other person’s experience of you. It is, in a sense, work, but it’s a labor of love, hopefully – even if it’s love for his or her gender, rather than that specific individual. You cannot be focussed on what you’re getting out of it – unless you actually start feeling that you are NOT getting anything out of it, but this person is simply sponging off of your sex appeal and gives you nothing in return.

Sexy people entertain each other, they bounce off of each other’s sense of humor, their witty flirtation, that is, by the way, a game of telling the other person they’re sexy, nice, likable, desirable, fun… Flirtation is a game of playful compliments – often delivered in the opposite form. Flirtation is also a playful offer of fun: “you have no idea what I’m capable of making you feel if you come with me…” expressed in not that many words… Or many more indirect words.

To be sexy, in so many ways, is to make another person feel sexy… Without directly and boringly flattering them. Telling a beautiful woman that she’s beautiful is about the biggest yawn she can hear. But what she does want to “hear” is how you enjoy her, why you enjoy her, and how you can make her enjoy herself. It is a talent worth learning. Your goal is to make the other person purr… Not to force/coerce them to make you purr like many people try to do it.

1. sometimes being quiet gives the opposite party all the freedom to imagine you are perfect for them because nothing you say will contradict their image of you (I speak as a quiet person)  ↩

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