Bonding Method: A Young Soul* or a Old Souls*?

First of all, I must state that EVERYONE is GREAT in the right relationship. If you think you are “good at relationships”, you are not special. Everyone is. It’s just that you will SUCK at relationships with the wrong person, and here’s why:

Two types

A Young Soul* is always something as a reaction to their partner. They don’t have specific likes, dislikes, or needs as individuals. They want a relationship, and then, they’ll adapt to that person, or they’ll make that person adapt to them. I’d be as bold as to suggest their sexual orientation is very much negotiable. They also don’t care whether they submit or dominate, as long as one of the two happens permanently. They want to approach a relationship with a question: “What do you want out of a person?” and instead of seeing the response as a deterrent no matter how far off they are, they answer: “I can do that.” They are difficult to discourage, as they FULLY believe any relationship is just a matter of adapting to the expectations.

An the Old Souls* is a person who is always trying to equalize a relationship. They go into relationships with a set of needs, hopes, preferences, likes, and dislikes. They are looking for “the right one”, who will get equal pleasure in the relationship. They are hoping to find a “good match” which is a complex thing for them, while, for the Young Soul*, “a good match” simply means basic info: age, gender, location, income level.  They approach a new relationship with: “This is what I’m like, what are you like? Are we right for one another?” They reject the idea that you can just turn into someone else by the other’s needs, or that it is fair to ask someone to do so.

Why does a Old Souls* seem like the Young Soul* to the Young Soul*

When a Old Souls* try to make a relationship work with the Young Soul*, they push back when the Young Soul* tries to dominate, but immediately submit after the Young Soul* submits. They won’t allow the Young Soul* to submit, nor will they allow the Young Soul* to dominate. If they err on either side, they submit or leave the relationship.

As the Old Souls* is trying to establish an equal relationship, they seem to be not able to decide whether they should dom or sub. This makes them seem like the Young Soul* to the Young Soul*. Still, the Old Souls* have one potential happy mode: Equal. The Young Soul* can be anything their partner wants… Except what a Old Souls* wants, because they want an established personality, that they call “who this person is”, which, to the Young Soul* is definable only by their relationships. (You are someone’s spouse, mother, child… not a name or set of qualities, values, opinions.)

Nonetheless, with the Old Souls* refusing to either submit or dominate, but doing a bit of both, the Young Soul* might consider they’re the Young Soul* – but only as a reaction to the Young Soul*.

Abuse from the Young Soul* perspective versus the Old Souls* perspective

the Old Souls* like to be a little “off the beaten track”. They are personalities, a little silly, often playful, or what the Young Soul* tend to consider “childish”. The Young Soul*, on the other hand, like to “wrestle”. They like to point out other people’s flaws and be mean to each other. To them, that is playful and fun.

When these two types are together, the Young Soul* HATE IT when the Old Souls* “act erratically”, as in humorously or playfully, in a manner that is not mean or abusive, but simply “childish”. They think that is “disrespectful”. They try and curb this behavior, and that, to a Old Souls* is abusive.

In contrast, the Young Soul* tend to like to “pig out” and “wrestle”. This means they are deliberately disrespectful and ill of manners with the people they consider friends. When a Old Souls* try to correct their behavior, they consider it abusive. This, especially if the Old Souls* takes as strong a hand at it as they need, effectively being fed up enough to scream in the Young Soul* ear, that they need to stop acting like a pig and act like a civilized person, which, to the Young Soul* is abusive, as they connect “civilized behavior” to strictness and pretentiousness, and, frankly, abuse.

Even if the Young Soul* will outwardly submit to the Old Souls*’s rules, they cannot stop themselves from making fun of the Old Souls*’s values, which, again, may ignite the Old Souls* into a fit of rage. An the Old Souls* should always end these relationships while they still can and put as much distance between themselves and the Young Soul* as they can.

the Old Souls* are attractive to the Young Soul* because they have strict likes and dislikes

the Old Souls* are like catnip to the Young Soul*, because they know what they like and know what they dislike. Unfortunately, the feelings aren’t mutual… AT ALL. Because the Old Souls* like people who know what they want and know what they don’t like, and who live their own truth and walk their own path, the Young Soul*, in their endless malleability – and contradictorily their endless dominance, are EVERYTHING the Old Souls* hate.

The Old Souls* want the freedom to be who they are, and they want to give that freedom to those whom they love. They want to find people who want to travel to the same destination without having to argue over where we’re going. The Young Soul* want to either “do whatever you’re doing”, which, to a Old Souls* means: “I don’t even exist.” (Literally. A person with no will is non-existent. Air. Nothing.) A Young Soul*, however, wants to prove that they can be anything the Old Souls* wants them to be, “look here, look, I can be what you want”, which is EXACTLY what the Old Souls* DOESN’T want because, to them, it’s fake. A counterfeit item.

Still, the Young Soul* find the Old Souls* tempting in both their unwillingness to change and their unwillingness to co-operate. They see the Old Souls* as a challenge, and also as some kind of a trophy. The Old Souls* HATE THAT, but often fall in their inability to find what they are looking for, and accepting the easy answer: the Young Soul* that is willing to twist themselves into a knot for a bit of love.

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