Bonding Method: A Survivalist* or a Idealists*?

First of all, I must state that EVERYONE is GREAT in the right relationship. If you think you are “good at relationships”, you are not special. Everyone is. It’s just that you will SUCK at relationships with the wrong person, and here’s why:

Two types

A Survivalist* is always something as a reaction to their partner. They don’t have specific likes, dislikes, or needs as individuals. They want a relationship, and then, they’ll adapt to that person, or they’ll make that person adapt to them. I’d be as bold as to suggest their sexual orientation is very much negotiable. They also don’t care whether they submit or dominate, as long as one of the two happens permanently. They want to approach a relationship with a question: “What do you want out of a person?” and instead of seeing the response as a deterrent no matter how far off they are, they answer: “I can do that.” They are difficult to discourage, as they FULLY believe any relationship is just a matter of adapting to the expectations.

An the Idealists* is a person who is always trying to equalize a relationship. They go into relationships with a set of needs, hopes, preferences, likes, and dislikes. They are looking for “the right one”, who will get equal pleasure in the relationship. They are hoping to find a “good match” which is a complex thing for them, while, for the Survivalist*, “a good match” simply means basic info: age, gender, location, income level.  They approach a new relationship with: “This is what I’m like, what are you like? Are we right for one another?” They reject the idea that you can just turn into someone else by the other’s needs, or that it is fair to ask someone to do so.

Why does a Idealists* seem like the Survivalist* to the Survivalist*

When a Idealists* try to make a relationship work with the Survivalist*, they push back when the Survivalist* tries to dominate, but immediately submit after the Survivalist* submits. They won’t allow the Survivalist* to submit, nor will they allow the Survivalist* to dominate. If they err on either side, they submit or leave the relationship.

As the Idealists* is trying to establish an equal relationship, they seem to be not able to decide whether they should dom or sub. This makes them seem like the Survivalist* to the Survivalist*. Still, the Idealists* have one potential happy mode: Equal. The Survivalist* can be anything their partner wants… Except what a Idealists* wants, because they want an established personality, that they call “who this person is”, which, to the Survivalist* is definable only by their relationships. (You are someone’s spouse, mother, child… not a name or set of qualities, values, opinions.)

Nonetheless, with the Idealists* refusing to either submit or dominate, but doing a bit of both, the Survivalist* might consider they’re the Survivalist* – but only as a reaction to the Survivalist*.

Abuse from the Survivalist* perspective versus the Idealists* perspective

the Idealists* like to be a little “off the beaten track”. They are personalities, a little silly, often playful, or what the Survivalist* tend to consider “childish”. The Survivalist*, on the other hand, like to “wrestle”. They like to point out other people’s flaws and be mean to each other. To them, that is playful and fun.

When these two types are together, the Survivalist* HATE IT when the Idealists* “act erratically”, as in humorously or playfully, in a manner that is not mean or abusive, but simply “childish”. They think that is “disrespectful”. They try and curb this behavior, and that, to a Idealists* is abusive.

In contrast, the Survivalist* tend to like to “pig out” and “wrestle”. This means they are deliberately disrespectful and ill of manners with the people they consider friends. When a Idealists* try to correct their behavior, they consider it abusive. This, especially if the Idealists* takes as strong a hand at it as they need, effectively being fed up enough to scream in the Survivalist* ear, that they need to stop acting like a pig and act like a civilized person, which, to the Survivalist* is abusive, as they connect “civilized behavior” to strictness and pretentiousness, and, frankly, abuse.

Even if the Survivalist* will outwardly submit to the Idealists*’s rules, they cannot stop themselves from making fun of the Idealists*’s values, which, again, may ignite the Idealists* into a fit of rage. An the Idealists* should always end these relationships while they still can and put as much distance between themselves and the Survivalist* as they can.

the Idealists* are attractive to the Survivalist* because they have strict likes and dislikes

the Idealists* are like catnip to the Survivalist*, because they know what they like and know what they dislike. Unfortunately, the feelings aren’t mutual… AT ALL. Because the Idealists* like people who know what they want and know what they don’t like, and who live their own truth and walk their own path, the Survivalist*, in their endless malleability – and contradictorily their endless dominance, are EVERYTHING the Idealists* hate.

The Idealists* want the freedom to be who they are, and they want to give that freedom to those whom they love. They want to find people who want to travel to the same destination without having to argue over where we’re going. The Survivalist* want to either “do whatever you’re doing”, which, to a Idealists* means: “I don’t even exist.” (Literally. A person with no will is non-existent. Air. Nothing.) A Survivalist*, however, wants to prove that they can be anything the Idealists* wants them to be, “look here, look, I can be what you want”, which is EXACTLY what the Idealists* DOESN’T want because, to them, it’s fake. A counterfeit item.

Still, the Survivalist* find the Idealists* tempting in both their unwillingness to change and their unwillingness to co-operate. They see the Idealists* as a challenge, and also as some kind of a trophy. The Idealists* HATE THAT, but often fall in their inability to find what they are looking for, and accepting the easy answer: the Survivalist* that is willing to twist themselves into a knot for a bit of love.

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