“Brainy” people feel alone even if loved with a full heart.

Brainy people, which are not only smart people but people who enjoy thinking, analyzing, and pondering on things, often feel alone in their own families. They have a special need to share their insights and have intellectual interaction with other people, but it is possible they have nobody like that in their family. As a result, they feel alone and unimportant, neglected and misunderstood. They are expected to feel happy the same way other people do and respond emotionally the same way others do. When they cannot do that, they are diagnosed as autistic or narcissistic, even psychopathic. That is not to say they can’t be, but it is to say that these diagnoses are often given too easily and perhaps on the description of a family member rather than another intellectual.

People like this often seek intellectual company online – it doesn’t really matter if a person is physically present if the intellectual and intellectually-influenced emotional support is there. A smart person reacts to the world differently to a less intelligent person does. They see dangers “too” well ahead to be worried about something catching them off guard. They find life easy, relationships hard. But the reason relationships are hard for them is not their fault. It’s just that it’s incredibly difficult to debate… Stupid. It’s difficult to explain to a person who cannot understand your needs that your needs are not met. When that person further insists that your authentic needs are “wrong” or worse, “unimportant,” because that person doesn’t have those needs and they’re happy, there’s very little you can do about it.

“I’m a hero for loving that person.”

Non-brainy people often pat themselves on the back for loving others. They act like being able to love makes them better people than others. Still, they accept love from babies, dogs, cats, and animals, and they know animals love their children just the same. Being able to love doesn’t make you a superhuman. It makes you an animal. That is not to say as an insult but as a fact. Everybody, including brainy people, is capable of loving that way. If you struggle to love a brainy person, it means you lack the capacity to love an intelligent animal, and that is a problem.

Brainy people love with their hearts, too, but they also have another level of love that normal people don’t: their brain is capable of falling in love. Their brain can feel euphoric in love, in a similar manner as a normal person’s heart can. And this is the kind of love that once they experience it, they can’t stop needing it once they believe it to be possible. That is not to say, “Isolate them so they’ll never get addicted to brain love,” but to say you can’t love them. Heart love isn’t enough for them, and if you truly love them… Which you don’t, I know, you’d let them go to find that brain love somewhere else.

Heart lovers lack empathy toward brain lovers.

The problem is often presented the other way around: intellectual people lack empathy toward normal people. That is true, but so is the reverse; normal people lack empathy toward smart people. There is a clear reason for that: we see the world differently. We react to things differently. We suffer over different things. We fear different things. We want and need different things. These needs are authentic, but normal people cannot understand why brainy people would need or want those things, and they lack empathy toward them. It’s similar to a person who has always been fed and may struggle to understand a person who feels constant hunger. Like an antelope feeling scornful at a lion who is hungry even though there’s plenty of crass around. We don’t feed on the same emotion.

When a heart lover wants to find a partner to their brainy child, they sound a bit like a zookeeper making a marital match for a young lion: “This guy has a full field of grass. You can always be fed…” And it is futile for the poor lion to say: “I don’t eat grass… And with all the fences around, I cannot hunt, either.”

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