Breaking an unwanted soulmate bond – the Savants* leaving the Normal Person*

If you’re a Savants*, and the person you’re leaving or asking to leave is the Normal Person*, you’ll have to understand one fundamental difference in your thinking. The Normal Person* always aim to preserve every relationship and make them deeper, but very much on their own terms. The Savants* want to ensure our terms are the same before we get deeper into the relationship.

the Normal Person*’s methods with the same outcome expectation are somewhat primitive. They demonstrate the relationship they want, create a role for you, and expect you to either try and fit in (figure it out) or basically leave without a word. The Savants* describe this role in very clear words and ask you if you want to step in or not. The Savants* don’t (typically) ENFORCE the role because they find it cruel, which, to the Normal Person*, means we weren’t serious about it at all.

You cannot talk about your emotions with the Normal Person* if you don’t want that relationship. They’ll always interpret it as a request to assist you in fitting into what they expect of you, or vice versa. Trying to understand them or helping them understand your decision is futile and counterproductive to the breakup. You must ignore the emotions and then decide how you want to play the breakup. You can try to sort out the practical matters with practical words, but anything to do with emotions, you can either leave or teach them to play a role you wrote without giving them a script.

the Normal Person* are actors with everyone except their very closest.

You have to understand that the Normal Person* always play a role until they start arguing with you. They don’t trust a person to be “themselves” without a fight. With everyone else, they are players on stage.

They direct the play by saying things as they wish they were and hearing what they want to hear. Now, you have to do the same and play a different play.

Find a way to “understand” the Normal Person*’s meaning to be whatever you want it to sound like. You have to deliberately misunderstand them. Don’t react to sentences that don’t fit your play. Listen to them with a “red pen” and strike out every sentence that doesn’t fit into your narrative. They’re doing the same with you anyway. Pretend you didn’t hear it. In fact, pretend they didn’t say it. Only react to things you can, on the spot, twist into “an agreement” of what you want.

In an email, you can literally erase parts you didn’t want to read and only respond to what you found usable.

Be so glad.

“Oh, I’m glad you’re finally starting your café. I’ve always wanted you to chase your dreams so I can chase mine. I’m glad you no longer need me. We’ll both achieve so much more in life once we go our separate ways.”

They complain about a paper basket being full all the time. You go:

“That is great news you feel you’re not happy working for us. I was thinking of firing somebody, but I didn’t know who to let go… Do you need notice before you leave so you can find a new job, or are you happier with severance pay?”

(This is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. At the very least, you’ll stop their complaints if they don’t want to send the message that they want to get fired.)

Always phrase everything you can as relief or great news. What a fantastic confluence of events! I couldn’t be happier that things worked out so easily! Only hear what you want to hear, and let the frustration drive them out if the message in itself doesn’t.

Avoid anger.

Avoid open sarcasm and anger. Anger to the Normal Person* always means you don’t feel loved and cared for enough. They’ll try harder. ALWAYS exaggerate how good things are for you, and put on a show of happiness with someone else when you want them to go away. (But without simultaneously driving away others who you might want to come in.)

Don’t try to understand them, don’t try to smooth things over just to leave.

Smoothing things over with the Normal Person* is dangerous. They’ll always interpret it as you wanting to make your relationship deeper and more meaningful, not that you want it gone (on good terms). The Cat Thinking need to get closure is not understandable to the Normal Person*, which is good, too, because those conversations are uncomfortable anyway.

Make sure they’re physically safe, and leave. Never mind their emotions, they have like 2 settings: Sad or angry (Nobody cares about me) and happy and joyful (people care about me.) 😀 Don’t you be making sure they know you care about them. Leave it to their friends and relatives. If this was a sexual relationship, be advised that they do sex to be cared for, and wouldn’t have sex if they believed they can be cared for without it, therefore, you leaving them is great news to them if they have someone else who cares about them.

the Normal Person* believe action only, not words.

Both thinker types assume that if you don’t want it this way, you won’t stick around for it. The difference is that the Savants* believe your WORDS, the Normal Person* believe action only. So, you saying: “I want a divorce” to the Normal Person* means: “You’re not sure if you want to get a divorce yet.” They believe you want a divorce once you’ve got your bags packed, and you hand them the divorce papers, or you start negotiation in the practicalities of separating.

the Savants* will be stuck on discussing their feelings with the person they’re willing to leave, and THIS makes no sense to the Normal Person*.

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