Catch, wait, release – if he/she stays…

OK, this is going to be interesting. I’ve never done this before for this before quite like this. I asked Tarot for a topic to write about without any idea what I was going to get. I got three cards, basically to me meaning, catch, wait and release. And I’m like whaa–? Then it dawned on me. Here we go:

Here we are talking about two kinds of people when it comes to dating. Those who claim someone for their own never minding their arguments, demand attention, and loyalty from them, the entire process goes something like this: “Hey I like you. You are now my boyfriend. Yeah, what does ‘no’ mean? I’ve never heard that word before. Ah, regardless, it must be irrelevant because I don’t like the sound of it. We’ll get married in the fall.” To them, they regard themselves just as good option as anyone else, so why would you have an objection to a relationship with them? This is not exactly self-confidence, it’s more like blind trust in equality, that doesn’t ever take into account that they themselves decided to claim THIS person as their own, not the one standing next to him/her, who, by their logic, should be just as good option as the next. The other person feels they’re being taken for granted, disrespected and trapped and they bolt (if they can).

The second type of person is the overly respectful, or even polite (poison for true love). “Oh, I wouldn’t want to crowd you. I will just try to avoid eye-contact although I think you are the most amazing thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I worship you, but you are too magnificent. I wouldn’t want to put you on the spot.” These people have an endless respect for the opposite gender’s freedom of choice to such extent that they don’t even seem justified in announcing their own interest toward them. The more they like you, the less they let you know – out of respect. “I wouldn’t want to taint your beauty with the smudge of my desires for you.” This goes both ways by the way, there are girls who feel this way about a guy – hard to believe but I’m/was one of them when I really have it bad for someone. (Women who have been raised in western upper class especially in past lives know that they should never let their feelings known to a man until he proposes after which she is free to accept or deny his proposal, but she should never invite it, let alone expect or demand it. That kind of learned behaviours carry through to other lifetimes.) (I’ve been working on this as of late, and the following will explain a little of that process.) The worst part is, for people in this group, myself included, is that they feel this, and want to keep away from that person, until the feelings get too big to contain, then they load them up into a creepy over the top love letter or a bold romantic gesture of some kind and come off as proper nut jobs, but I digress, that’s not what this post is about.

There is a balance to obtain from this. Two extremes usually nicely combine into a balance, and this one is no exception. (People have a bad habit of burning their fingers in one end, and they over-correct themselves and retreat to the other extreme, often through past life experiences.) So, what if you went into a relationship with one logical goal: Let’s get to know each other properly, if we like each other, we stay together, if we don’t we’ll part. This IS what dating is all about, isn’t it? This is what it SHOULD be about, but too often when we start, we want to think Happily Ever After and if that doesn’t happen, we deem the relationship, or the other person, a failure. Because we are so hung up on happily ever after, we tend to react to each other with the attitude of “I’ll force happily ever after and you don’t get a say” or “I’ll just be out of your way in a minute, I know you wouldn’t want to waste your life on poor ol’ me…”

The balance should be somewhere as follows: Catch their attention. Let them know who you are. Be bold about this, give them an option to make a sound judgement on who you are. Then, allow them to leave. Have no expectations on their decision, but allow them to know who they are turning down. Just the knowledge that “I don’t have to force them into a relationship even if I do speak to them” will release a lot of pressure from your end and will make the start of the relationship a whole lot easier.

By the way, the more you like someone without ever even having spoken to them, for no apparent, logical reason, the higher the chances are that they feel the same way about you…

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