Charity and Compassion: Draw a hard line at your intimate and romantic life.

You would think it is a given that we do not give up our intimate and romantic lives “to charity,” but we tend to. Lower-status people are constantly guilting M8R10’s into lowering their bar and into asking less for themselves while being more giving and caring toward those with more needs than them. While I am not saying that a special needs person cannot have the charm to make an M8R10 fall in love with them, just think of Peter Dinklage, for instance, but he is a one in a million.

I am also not limiting this warning to people who are officially “special needs” but broaden it to people you may feel compelled to get into a relationship with “to be a good person” or to prove that you are not “discriminative.” The thing is, you have every right to be as discriminating as you like when it comes to your intimate and romantic relationships. This is where you can think, “I don’t like your ears,” and that’s your business. You decide what matters to you in a relationship, and YOU MATTER too much to be whoring yourself for charity. To make others feel good about themselves while you gradually feel like crap when YOU or your needs don’t matter, at the same time as everybody emphasizes how you are in the position of making them feel like they matter.

I propose you stop thinking of your love as a basic human right.

While I emphasize your romantic life being of the limits, your personal life should be too. It would be best to choose your friends out of people whose company you enjoy. People you are unofficially life coaching are not friends. You know what I mean. If what you get out of the relationship is simply the feeling of doing some good in this world, it’s not a friendship. If you feel you are GIVING in that relationship, we’re not talking about a friend but a dependent of some description—a client.

Stop thinking you owe LOVE to people when they ask for physical help. Never offer love when physical assistance is needed. If people need love, they must learn to become lovable, not pathetic. This is your chance to do good in the world: Stop feeding wild birds. They’ll become dependent on your help, and they can’t survive the wild anymore.

When someone needs something from you, ask them if they need HELP or LOVE. You can HELP THEM, but that doesn’t include love or any form of friendship. Or use official charities for your need to be a good person. Don’t offer the charities or their workers love, either. You’d be surprised how many of these organizations are giving out love instead of physical help, as they say. Let those who need the interaction do that work. If you have a bad habit of getting emotionally entangled in one-sided relationships, get out of that habit and treat it as an addiction.

“Don’t kiss your clients on the mouth.”

You probably know that prostitutes advice each other to remain emotionally detached from their clients? The same should apply to people to who you give charity. You don’t want them to get addicted to being pathetic because it’s the easiest way to get some facsimile love for themselves. This is a reincarnations thing. People may feel this is their only chance of being loved: being pathetic. I may go as far as to say we are AGING because people who think being needy is the only real way to be loved, so they force creped old age on people who would otherwise never feel humble enough to be loved.

Those of us who inspire a love for our strengths and character know what true love feels like, and we shouldn’t encourage people to settle for the alternative for the pathetic.

This is tough love.

Stop running your relationships on a constant excitement deficit.

Stop giving your attention to people without adequate compensation. TRUST ME; some people LOVE doing charitable work and absolutely love the attention the needy are giving them. It is because they feel equal to those in need and feel they’re helping their true friends. Let them do that work. Give them a monthly donation as a cold cash payment if you think it’s doing good, but do not attach love to the money.

Help out of love, but only when that love is GENUINE. Pick up that one guy off the street that you feel a connection to and give him a home if you can and feel like it, but ONLY if you feel a real emotional connection to that person, not because you feel PITY or COMPASSION alone. Suppose you feel intrigued by them. If you will get something out of it that goes beyond “I’d be a good person.”

Stop helping people out of ego: This would make others like me more. I’d be more accepted. My halo would shine brighter.

Create some healthy boundaries.

Another way of saying this is that you must create healthy boundaries for yourself. Realize that you matter—your needs matter. You don’t have to be constantly buying your way to heaven one stair at a time. Ignore people who think they are more important than you because they are needier than you.

The way you are: talented, beautiful, capable… All that didn’t happen by accident. You CHOSE NOT to be pathetic. You’ve earned your right NOT to BE.

And being constantly in the nosering to those who have given themselves permission to beg for love in emotional rags chose differently. It is pathetic to fall into that trap.

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