Checklist to make sure you’ll only have great relationships
I know you won’t believe me at first, at least. This kind of goes against all relationship advice you’ve heard so far – but how is your love life going? Have awesome friends, then? Played it all by the book and your relationships are bland or temporary to say the best? You’ve sort of approached things with an air of aloof, hid your sharpest edges, and tried to act adult, non-assuming, or even slutty and self-confident if that seems unnatural to you – in a word, you’ve tried to approach relationships in a way that isn’t quite authentically who you are or how you feel about the other person. You tried playing games, acting the way other successful people do, trying to mimic their success but failed.
Why?
You’re not them, and thus, your True Emotion Mirrors* are not the same kind as theirs. You’re marketing to the wrong audience, so to speak, and not even well to the audience you’re currently going for.
Check the end of the post for #MeToo -era precautions and approaches.
In order to attract YOUR true soul-bond lovers and friends, you have to be YOU
It is IMPORTANT you will allow yourself to be annoying to people who don’t love you. You have to allow weak relationships to break in order to get to the strong ones. You must “test” the authenticity of your relationships by being the annoying you that you are. The first step to creating a lasting relationship is to break a whole god damned lot of the weak ones, and unwanted ones, and keep the coast clear for the ones who you want and who want you back. BOTH sides of the equation must match: Out of the ones you want, you want to find the ones who want you. (Don’t be TOO CERTAIN that the people who you want will all want you back, but also don’t be certain that they won’t, either.)
Stop fearing negative words
Realize how LABELS (negative adjectives and nouns, such as “chauvinist” “slut”) are used to control your behavior, attitude, appearance, approaches, and self-respect. Stop caring about what labels they use to accurately describe you. They can choose to give a good thing a negative connotation, what the fuck do you care?
Stop giving in to PESTERING
Learn to be alone if the option is to be with too “bondy” people who you don’t want to bond with. There are people who PESTER you for relationships, and although this is sometimes a genuine flirting strategy, if you don’t want a relationship with that person, don’t give into any guilt trips or other BS that people spew. Accept proposals like this only if they feel too good to be true.
Stop making relationship decisions out of fear
Many, most of us, really, make relationship decisions out of fear of being alone, being left alone (embarrassment), being cheated on because, being dumped because, and we act all “wise” and knowing when TRULY we want that relationship. Stop mistaking FEAR for WISDOM. Stop shooting yourself in the leg when you’re an inch from getting the man or woman of your dreams.
Learn to say NO,
I’m sorry but I’m not interested in a relationship with you. (Phrase any way you want to.)
The question isn’t whether they DESERVE you, the question is, do you WANT them? The question is, do they WANT you?
Do not bond when you are desperate to find SOMEONE, ANYONE
No love for the sad and depressed, for your own good!
You should avoid dating seriously when poor. That’s when predators can swoop in easier.
There is no reason to SUFFER before you “deserve” love.
But many people feel this way. Therefore, it is often that you don’t find true love until you suffer some, but… I would try and work that out of your system along with soulmates you have that might feel this way about you.
If everything that person says or does feels good (pleasurable) to you and they feel the same way toward you, they’re a right one.
True Emotion Mirror is the person who gets to say and do things to you that nobody else can. You’d forgive them for things you would never normally allow. It may sound unhealthy, but there you go. That is my genuine belief.
Consider polygamy
You can love more than one family member, friend, and child. There is no reason why the same cannot apply to romantic partners. (Sometimes it just does, tho.)
Learn to SHOW YOUR FEELINGS to a person.
Learn different flirting/bonding/communication styles
Some people will flirt sarcastically, learn to respond. (“No I’m not interested in you at all, I think you’re fuck ugly.” “You’re fuck ugly too, and I’d rather fuck a moose.”)
Some people DO NOT flirt sarcastically, learn to respond. (“Wow, I think you’re hot.” “You’re not too bad yourself.”)
Admire, seek attention
Pretty close the only man/woman thing: Men fall in love with the admiration a woman they admire feels for them. Women fall in love with the fact a man she admires need (specifically) her admiration. Girls; show the genuine admiration you feel toward a man. Men; be desperate for the admiration of the woman you love.
If you deny your admiration from a man, you’ll kill his love for you, his will to live, and his masculinity. If your man is sad, he needs your admiration, not your help, pity, or ‘understanding’.
Women need the sexual attention of their men. They may not feel “sexy enough” to receive it, but you must gently convince them that’s how you AUTHENTICALLY feel. (Don’t pretend, tho.)
Communicate your REAL sexual fantasies
You must communicate your sexual fantasies SOMEHOW, especially if you’re the female. Men need to know the boundaries they must work within, BUT women love their boundaries being pushed a bit.
Stop thinking by “giving everything” will get you love
There is no point in “doing everything” for a person who isn’t in love with you. Their feelings won’t change.
People love people who resemble them
The more you are alike with a person, the more likely you like them, and they like you back. Hopefully, this will make you feel more confident around people who are much like you. This is also why we tend to pretend to be like the company we are in currently, even though we feel like we’re pretending. We know by faking likeness, we get more likes, so to speak.
We also start mimicking traits of the people who we admire. If a person doesn’t try to become more like you, they don’t like you much.
People lead by example
When people are self-confident, they lead by example. They want you to understand that their BOLD DIFFERENCE from you is an example. “Be like me, I like myself SO MUCH MORE than I like you, that I am boldly different in this area of life, and I expect you to follow suit.”
People’s greatest fear is EMBARRASSMENT
Know this. This is POWER knowledge. People’s greatest fear is embarrassment. Every other fear circles back to this fear. People might stop running from a Tsunami fearing the embarrassment of having over-reacted more than the potential of being engulfed by a giant killer wave.
In relationships, people fear the embarrassment of having trusted the wrong person, the embarrassment of having thought that a person like that might want them, the embarrassment of having thought someone admired you when they didn’t, really, the embarrassment of getting cheated on by your dream man or woman, the embarrassment of having a friend ‘dump’ you, the embarrassment of winding up divorced, the embarrassment of wearing the wrong dress to a formal party… You name it.
Treat your loved ones accordingly, and remember not everyone is embarrassed by the same things as you are. (My main fears, for reference, are the embarrassment of having been caught of a lie, stealing, cheating somehow (so I don’t), having been mistaken (I try really hard not to), or most notably; the embarrassment of having ASSUMED that someone I love loved me back when they didn’t (so I keep a close check on my ego).)
Ask what your loved ones fear the embarrassment off, and you’ll know to tread carefully there.
Be SHAMELESSLY PROUD of yourself if you are
When you’re happy with who you are, don’t hide it. People who agree with your values will feel attracted to you knowing that this is YOUR ideal, too, and if they feel your idea of the ideal is the same as theirs, they’ll feel confident knowing you are who you feel you wish to be, and are likely to remain the kind of person they’d love.
On the other hand, people who don’t think your ideals are sufficient or that you’re proud of the wrong things will be repelled from you, so you’ll waste no time on the people who would wish you were something other than what your own ideals dictate.
Also, be shamelessly ambitious to self-improvement and your own goals (if you are) and criticize yourself where you feel like it. People who don’t like your ambition (or the lack thereof) will go away, and people who love it will be drawn to your ambition and your future vision of yourself and your life.
When you have found the one, give them the permission to take you for granted
Trust me on this. Once you are together with your True Emotion Mirrors, THINGS WILL HAPPEN that will make you doubt their love for you and vice versa. If you TRULY feel this way, and I say TRULY, 100%, say it out loud: I need you to take me for granted, and fight for our relationship, even if things get weird and there are insecurities and whatnot. ONLY say this if you truly mean it. Make sure your True Emotion Mirror knows they are safe to have insecurities regarding you and your relationship, and that whatever weird is happening, you’ll stay with them or, at least will always have the door open for them to return whenever they need to.
#MeToo
As far as #MeToo is concerned, let me tell you one, quite irresponsible thing… You could just opt-out and not care what they say. Majority of #MeToo -complaints seem to me to be utter attention-seeking and goating the accused man to respond and go on backfoot. It may also be a conscious effort to “overthrow” patriarchy by any means necessary. To me, the whole movement seems to have been hi-jacked by women who are not doing it for the right reasons, accusing ANY man they can think of for ANY remotely arguable event, using misleading phrasing such as “he groomed me” when the “victim” was a full-grown woman who gave actual consent to what she was “groomed” to give consent to. This is FAR from an isolated case of similar verbal trickery to make a normal sexual situation seem scandalous and condemnable.
You can choose to stand up against the whole movement, and start applying criticism to these claims and complaints, stand up for the accused, and become verbal in your objection to whether these claims are even REMOTELY actionable or to be taken seriously. I’ll be there with you.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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