Children DO KNOW who they love!

The saddest thing that could happen to any parent is to realise that they have been the person destroying their child’s happiness. Any parent would try and protect their child in every way they can, and one of those modes of protection is controlling their sexual development and choices of partners. Although most parents these days wouldn’t strongly interfere with young love, they may easily direct their choices into a more adult place, which is, unfortunately the “sensible” relationship rather than the loving one.

I write this from a personal experience. When I was 9 years old, I received a letter from a boy who lived a couple of blocks away. The letter simply said: “I like you.” I didn’t know him at the time, he had tons of brothers and I couldn’t tell them apart, being shy and quite uninterested in people in general I had never noticed him, until then. A year later, I was completely and utterly in love. When I finally gathered my courage to reply to him, he made no further effort to get close to me. I was heart broken, but never let go of the love I felt, until years later, at 15 when he changed schools and I never saw him again. During those years, I remember following him around, as discreetly as I could but still entirely too obviously to have escaped anyone’s notice, him biting his teeth together so hard you could see the jaw muscles tense, white knuckling his way red faced back to classes. I just thought he was irritated by my refusal to let go of him and annoyed at himself for ever saying anything, which was the case but not for the reason I thought.

Two nights ago he appeared to me in a dream. A simple hug, much like that first letter. I woke up to that, and he didn’t disappear, but his spirit lingered… “Do you know who that is?” My guides asked me. “Yes.” I said. It started a conversation in the spirit, that explained everything that had happened. His parents found out about his feelings, and him being raised in different, very strict Christian faith, he was destined to fathering children with a devout woman and that was pretty much all there was to it, he was told not to touch that girl. I, on the other hand, was a heretic who had already decided to never have children at all, so this was out of the question. My mother informed me of the situation by reminding me that if you go out with that boy, eventually he’d want to marry me for the sole purpose of having children with me, and as insulted as I was about the thought of being equated to nothing but an incubator, I said nothing… And decided that clearly only a lunatic would think that, and only slightly discouraged I decided to never mind that and cross that bridge when we come to it – but we never did. What all that white-knuckling was about was a devout Christian boy fighting his natural urge to turn around and hold his girl forever.

This is hardly an isolated case when it comes to soulmates. The intense pull and even sexuality of these children scare their parents half to death, and the fear of teen pregnancy and every possible problem that could arise from puppy love like this… A wrong kind of family background being just one of the many things parents pull you away from each other for. Most often it would be a difference in socio-economic background but religion works fine, too. The  young lovers are separated in turn for a happier future… one which seldom works out to be what would have made the child happier – only safer, but safety should not be our only concern for our children, a full life should be the goal.

The danger lies in jealousy of the other children. Not to the true lovers, no, but everyone else around them. Parents should guard the children from false love, but never from the true love. (And to do that, they first should try falling in love themselves!!!) If young love becomes accepted (which is has) then we start competing over who is more in love (which we tend to do growing up) and we talk ourselves into being in love rather than allowing it to happen naturally. One way of finding out is whether the love is true or not, is to ask questions “what do you want for them / them for?” “I want to make them happy… I want to see them smile” is an answer that a child in love would say, or “I want to hold them”, provided of course that the child trusts their parents. A child who isn’t in love would say “I want to go out with them” or express objectification in other terms. When having a boyfriend is the object, the boyfriend becomes an object, not someone to love and cherish. (Sadly, very common even when we get older.) You can also hear that from their voice, their tone, their desperation… Where does it come from, peer pressure or their heart? If the child says nothing, it speaks to you more than insisting a permission to go out or have a new toy. Remember, children aren’t here for the first time, most of them have spent life times with someone other than you, and their longing for that person doesn’t disappear even though they are in a smaller body.

Sadly, we protect the children from emotions that come straight from their soul, and think that in the future they will make “wiser decisions”. It is true that their decision making process will change, but not for the better. By the time they are 20, their heads will be filled with utter rubbish about what relationships are about and how they work and how they should work. Innocence isn’t lost with the first sexual experience but with the first attempt to influence who the child’s sexual behaviour – in any of it’s forms. The first person to corrupt a child’s mind is most often their own parent. Sad, isn’t it?

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