Confession of infidelity: a sign of trust or a breakup attempt?

When a Ravens* talks about their private life, they do not mean it is a specific sign of trust, more to the point, if they do not, that is a severe sign of mistrust. This often drives the Ravens* and the Young Soul* together, because the Young Soul* believes that the Ravens* confesses all of their secrets to them, as a sign of absolute trust and loyalty, rather than just a normal conversation.

The Young Soul* need A LOT MORE buttering up before they start talking about themselves. This often leads to the situation where the Ravens* is doing all the talking and the Young Soul* is asking them questions as if they were being interviewed, whereas two the Ravens* would exchange deeply personal information about each other in approximately equal amounts, unless they are really at awe at the other; the Ravens* withholds information for two reasons: Thinking they are nowhere near cool enough in this company and second, as a sign of absolute mistrust. This mistrust isn’t about having secrets, exactly, but about the mistrust of how their feelings would be handled if they would talk about these matters in this company.

the Young Soul* exchange personal information and secrets like it was collateral: “If I hurt you, this is what you can use to get back at me.” This is completely foreign way of thinking to a Ravens*, to the extent that he or she is currently thinking: “What possible damage could that information do to me even in the wrong hands? Print it on the news if they are the slightest bit curious for all I care.”

The Young Soul* value commitment over compatibility, commitment over passion, over sexual attraction, over anything else. So when they hate you, but choose to stick by you regardless, that is them showing you love. The more you hate each other while sharing “secrets” the more “loved” the Young Soul* feels. “I hate you, you hate me, but I give you all of these weapons to destroy you with.”

When a Ravens* confesses to infidelity or having fallen in love with someone else, their assumption is that the relationship comes to an immediate end and that there is nothing further to discuss. They do not understand how anyone would settle for a relationship where the other would be interested in sex with someone else UNLESS that is a mutual fetish, so infidelity is an absolute deal breaker. Confessing to infidelity, in the Ravens* perspective, is same as signing your own divorce papers on the spot. If the Young Soul* confesses to infidelity to a Ravens*, the Ravens* will break off the relationship without further questions, and will be COMPLETELY confused if the Young Soul* still thinks the relationship is on-going “because they confessed!”

The Young Soul*, however, figures that confessing to having had an affair or having feelings for someone else is a sign of absolute trust. The final sign of a full commitment. They feel that this is the point where they can test the relationship, to be so certain that nothing will ever come in between them, that they can do anything… Including cheat, without it having any affect on the commitment other than making it stronger.

This rationale, to a Ravens*, is absolutely incomprehensible. From a Ravens* perspective, this isn’t even a relationship anymore. Everything is broken, and the breakup is not only instant, also absolute, and irreversible, unless the Young Soul* forces their hand to stay, by guilting them into it somehow.

The Young Soul*, upon confession of infidelity or feelings for someone else would expect the response to be: “Oh we’ll work it out, thank you for being honest.”

The Ravens* would think… “WORK IT OUT?! What on earth are you talking about?! There is NOTHING to work out, cheating is the absolute end of it!” It’s like hacking someone’s head off, then shrugging one’s shoulders and casually thinking: “Oh it’s just a scratch, we’ll patch it up!” No. The relationship is as dead as Ned Stark.

It doesn’t take as much as infidelity to kill a relationship with a Ravens*. There are more ways to do that than I can poke a stick at. For that reason, whenever you see a Ravens* with a True Emotion Mirror, their bond is unbreakable, because they have never once stabbed each other in the back, and they trust each other without a question because they’ve proven themselves more times than there are stars in the sky.

Curiously, when the Young Soul* is given the idea that they would have to spend the rest of their lives with other the Young Soul*… They shudder at the thought.

After all, they treat their friends worse than they treat their enemies. Being the mortal enemy of a Ravens* is a cushy place to be compared to being the bosom friend of the Young Soul*.

Personal example: My first boyfriend was the Young Soul*. I cheated on him after being together for a year. I wanted to break up with him, because, well, I was 19 and there was plenty more fish in the sea. I didn’t plan on cheating on him, of course, just that I wound up in bed with someone who I thought was just too cool to pass off on, and someone who I didn’t think I meet again in a hurry. Which means… If not meaningless sex, then, at least a rare occasion. To a Ravens*, An ABSOLUTE deal breaker, if there is ever a case of infidelity they can forgive, the last thing that they will tolerate is meaningless sex, that is simply cruel and means that the relationship is in absolute trouble. My boyfriend, upon hearing my confession, leaned back in his chair, breath in deep, pain twisting his heart… And then he said: “What we’ve got is stronger than that, this wagon won’t fall over at the first bump.” I literally couldn’t believe my ears. I suppose he expected me to fall into his arms, crying, confessing my undying love for him, thanking him for being so understanding, forgiving and amazing… But instead, every bit of respect I had for him died on the spot. How could he be so… delusional? So desperate for a girlfriend that he’d forgive me for infidelity? I took it for granted that no further discussion would be needed… The relationship was clearly over, but so stunned I was at his reaction that we stayed together yet another 6 months (during which time I cheated on him again with the same guy but never bothered telling him, after all, what good was that going to do but to hurt him again,) before I broke it off. I suppose he thought the break up was a test, too, on a hind-sight…

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