Dealing with abandonment and breakup

People who leave you without a second thought may not AT ALL be callous toward your suffering for their leaving, mind you. What they might be feeling, though, is that they wouldn’t be missed anyway if they left. It is not at all given, that people in your life feel wanted in it or that they would ASSUME that they’re wanted simply because you’ve known them a long time. In many cases, people may think you’d feel relieved if they’d finally go and leave you in peace.

Ironically, sometimes people who don’t feel wanted act terribly toward their family and partner, just to find out whether they are wanted or not… Only to wind up not being wanted due to their horrible behavior and making it seem much like THEY don’t want that person around.

You are not perfect for everybody even though you are perfect for your True Emotion Mirror

True compatibility is in the nuance of things, so if you are not 100% in jive, then you either both want to get back into the jive – believe neither one of you would be hurt by the slight adjustment or move on. Often moving on is about LOVE of that person: I love you the way you are, I don’t want to change you in any way; I would find it cruel to change you just so that I would be able to hang onto you, therefore, I will let you go and find someone who can live with you without adjustments.

You don’t have the right to be loved. The belief that you have the right to be loved if you’re a good person or measure up to YOUR own standards is the stuff that fucks you over when someone DOESN’T love you even though you fulfill YOUR OWN SUBJECTIVE standards of a lovable person. Someone may even agree with you that you are a good person, even a lovable person, and still won’t love you and there’s nothing you or them can do about it. Nobody owes you love.

Don’t be disappointed in yourself if you fail to live up to someone else’s fantasy idea of who you would be if you were together, once you actually are. It is NOT YOUR FAULT if they had another idea of who you are when you got together – unless you deliberately worked to give them a false idea of who you are. You may have also been dumped for not being the kind of criminal your now-ex thought you were. As in… Let’s say Amber Heard dumps Johnny Depp (she didn’t, it went the other way around but let’s say she did) because he didn’t live up to her mafia boss idea she had on the guy.

The best way to deal with a breakup is to prepare for a new relationship from the good ground. First of all, you don’t want to pretend to be someone you are not or don’t want to learn to become. IF you happen to be The Right One for your new girlfriend or a boyfriend, you pretending to be someone you’re not is going to be offputting to them. (Read what “to be someone you’re not” means.)

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