Do you, as a celebrity, owe your (old) friends and family the perks of fame?

Whether you are famous or still building your career, you will, without a second question, be the target of manipulation attempts. 100% certainty. Some people with personality disorders will feel forced to try to take advantage of your kind heart and wish to be a good person. If you’re not protected by COMMON SENSE, you’ll easily lose your step. You may go too far to prove you’re a good person, especially in this cancel culture environment.

I am not suggesting you get callous, not at all. You’re supposed to remain balanced and NOT ALLOW people to abuse you to the point that you are forced to become cold and callous just to survive them. Also, it would be good not to get too suspicious to see and trust a good person when you find one.

Are you being selfish for denying the perks of fame from your able-bodied former friends?

Capable, talented people often feel parental responsibility toward a weaker or lazier individual as if that person was their child or dependent. Ironically, a narcissist in this weaker position considers themselves the important one, like a child or royal, despite all appearances proving the opposite. They will also feel like an injustice has befallen upon them if THEY are asked to take care of another person like you’d expect a spouse or friends to do at times.

While, again, I don’t suggest callousness, at least not until that person duly deserves a callous response, and you’re willing to go in front of cameras and say, “this is why I divorced/fired/cut contact with…” even if you’d never do it if they didn’t force your hand to do it… They may INSIST or WANT YOU TO say this to the cameras, so the public will know what a fraud you are. They’re counting on this to shame you into compliance. Please feel right about defending your own reputation and perspective if someone wants to claim you’re “uncaring” for leaving them, firing them, or divorcing them… Or saying some words on Twitter that they interpreted to be uncaring.

TRUST ME: Your refusal to be someone’s free workhorse and a door opener will also allow others like you to refuse to be abused in the name of polishing their own halo in the process. Your True Emotion Mirror(s)¹ especially will thank… PRAISE you for this decision, because if you don’t want this person around, neither will they.

“Don’t you CARE about me/fat people/tall people/pale people/people who foster sick cats/sick cats/rats eaten by sick cats…?”

Narcissist-Borderlines will try and convince you that if you don’t CARE about them, there’s something shamefully wrong with you. Effectively, the narcissist playbook revolves around claiming that you are somehow uncaring… While they consider themselves good people for the SOLE virtue of wanting to stay with you forever, regardless of how they treat you while there. Note that they consider it completely acceptable for them to deny care from anyone at all but see NO reason other than petty jealousy or rivalry why someone might deny care from them.

You are obligated to NOT HARM THEM (unless for self-defense) but have no obligation to CARE for or about them. A narcissist thinks as if they were your children who you are obligated to look after. They also process it so that the person being taken care of is the important one rather than the one actually capable of caretaking. They go through a lot of work to convince you that you MUST care, love, and feel things for them, or they’ll insist there’s something wrong with you.

Do not fall into this trap of being shamed for their failure to inspire feelings you don’t even TRY TO keep bottled up. Be prepared to admit that you don’t care about them, not especially, not any more than – make a fair comparison. Also, if appropriate, make peace with the potential that they may contact a gossip magazine with this information: “Your Name Here told me THEY don’t care about me!” And if they insist on making that public knowledge, don’t shy away from making a thoughtful comment or post about it to your blog or social media in general. Don’t be ashamed; inform people.

About the heading of these paragraphs? You know how narcissists needing you to prove to them you’re a good person can pull up any minority group, no matter how ridiculous or unrelated to you at all, into the forefront to make you squirm and attempt to prove that SURE you care. Sure, you’re worthy of being liked…

Stop obsessing about being liked by everybody.

The handle that narcissists hold you on is your obsession with wanting people to think you’re a nice person. Stop obsessing over it. Everybody won’t like you, and you don’t need to like everybody, either. In fact, it’s best not to be liked by everybody and to have a good, honest following of people who LIKE YOU for you and with whom you don’t have to hide from the view. You need ENOUGH people to admire you for the real you, to withstand the hatred of others, but you do need to come out of your shell for that to be true. You must TRUST these people to like you and to do that, you need to reveal stuff about yourself that you know will divide opinions.

Being too silent allows the public to create a fictional version of you that they think is perfectly right. The sooner you start being opinionated, the better for you, as people are quite more willing to insist you’re faking it than to take the blow to their ego to admit they had no idea who you were from the start.

The price of being loved for who you are is to be hated for the same reason (by different people).

Are you being selfish or simply not self-sacrificing?

LEARN to tell the difference between when you are being selfish and when it is that you simply refuse to self-sacrifice yourself for no good reason. Like… A house is on fire, and you’ll be late for a movie if you stop. It would be selfish not to stop. Your borderline-histrionic friend goes haywire again when she hears you’ve got a movie date with someone truly special to you, and they fly into an episode of over-acted drama just to force you to stay with them… Going simply means you are not sacrificing yourself to your friends’ pathological need for attention. Yet, a LOT OF PEOPLE will get suckered into drama like this.

Learn to notice when someone asks you to self-sacrifice rather than do the right thing. If you need to put your dreams aside so that this person can keep enjoying your company because their ego needs you, walk away toward your dreams. If you don’t like someone’s presence AT ALL (anymore) and they insist you are being selfish if you deny your new-found wealth and perks of fame from them… Are you a bad friend (to “a friend” you don’t like to be around) if you don’t allow this, or would you possibly be a fake friend just so nobody gets to call you selfish?

Always notice whose benefit is being argued over and if you truly OWE that person whatever they’re asking for… And why do you feel like you owe them? Is there another way to pay your debt if the debt is real?

Welcome whomever you want -fair or not.

Friends are people who make your life better and worth living, not adults who depend on you to provide you with luxuries. Sure, when times are tough, OF COURSE, you give your friends a roof over their head if you can, and all that; not saying you shouldn’t, just saying that those same friends should be a positive influence in your life even when you have nothing to offer them but your company. And a true lover will ask: “Nothing but their company? I’d die to spend time with them. Even an hour!”

While I am sure there are people in your life who inspire you to install a robust security system in your house, there are those who you’d pay to stay with you if it wasn’t a totally lame thing to do. There are people in your past that you may have had an outwardly less meaningful relationship than another that was seemingly significant. Do yourself a favor, and whatever you need to do, don’t compromise on your standards of who you want to allow in and who you don’t – even at the expense of your generous reputation.

There are people who you want to create a relationship with now that you’re rich and famous, and then there are those who you already know what they’re like when money doesn’t play a role. You are free to ignore people and their claim to YOUR success based on WHATEVER criteria you’re using… Including completely narcissistic and selfish reasons – your money, your show… Your court.

Allow people to call you a narcissist or whatever – your job is to make sure that accusation is false.

And consider yourself perfectly permitted to defend yourself – as long as you don’t lie about someone else to make your own crimes seem less relevant in comparison.

1. Your ultimate romantic/sexual soulmates, whether you are monogamous or polygamous. The term belongs into my Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology presented at InnerBeastLibrary.com ↩

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