Do you feel depressed? Not quite in depression but not far off?
I must first say I am not qualified to treat depression or suggest remedies for it. This is important for you to know. I am simply a life coach and I wish to present this crazy idea that you become depressed as a result of being unhappy. This would contradict the current moronic idea that unhappiness is a result of depression.
Brain chemistry, unhappiness, depression
Psychiatry claims that the brain chemistry is the cause of depression, the illness. I say it’s a symptom of unhappiness, a seriously unsatisfying circumstance. Your brain chemistry changes because you’re unhappy, rather than your state of happiness changes because of your brain chemistry.
The meds simply tell your system that you haven’t been unhappy for that long. Everyone gets unhappy every now and again, but that doesn’t severely alter the brain chemistry yet. The meds make you think that this is temporary, and you’ll find a source of happiness again, soon. The meds return your brain to the state in which it was in the beginning of your unhappiness, but they don’t take it away, really.
I feel “happy” people are making unhappy people feel guilty for not being happy and call them sick to boot
I feel like people are being forbidden to feel unhappy in a situation where the people who love you would feel happy. I believe people want to explain you are sick if you cannot feel happiness in a life that they are capable of giving you. “You have everything you could possibly want, you have no right to be unhappy…”
What if I told you that is sort of unfair..?
What I believe causes the psychological trap that leads to depression
There are two kinds of people. (This is how I always start.) One type of a person feels happy when they are surrounded by people who love them, rather than when they are surrounded by people who they love. To them, the important part is that someone loves them. That is all they need. When a person they love feels sad, the main thing they try to emphasize is that “we love you”, they see no other real reason for a person to feel depressed other than the belief they are not loved.
The other type of a person feels happy when they are surrounded by people who understand them. They despair when they are surrounded by people who do not understand them, no matter how much they claim to love them. They do not feel loved if the people around them do not even understand who they are. How can you be loved if people surrounding you don’t really even know who you are?
We all want the people we care about to be happy. When a person’s self-worth depends on their ability to love you, they are likely to try and force you to admit that their love for you is enough. They want you to reaffirm THEIR NEED to be enough. If you cannot fortify their need to feel enough for you, they will quite happily decide there is something wrong WITH YOU rather than them.
Suicide
Have you noticed how everyone insists you cannot blame the family for a person’s suicide? I say the first place to look for a reason is the family. (But please don’t impose on their sorrow, right? Fuck that. People NEED TO start facing this before more and more and more people kill themselves on the altar of an idiotic family idyl!)
It’s so often the family who suffocate the black sheep, the odd one out, the “ungrateful one”. They do not want to feel the guilt for the suicide of a family member “they loved and cared for”. What they mean by love, of course, is different to what a person battling depression considers love.
What could possibly be so awful that they were driven to suicide, they wonder, and I think to myself: “Probably your tedious company.”
You have the right to live for yourself
I don’t care whose feelings get fucking hurt here. I don’t care how much your mother’s heart aches for you not fulfilling her fantasies of addition to the family or whatever. I don’t give a toss. I don’t care how much your family needs you. I don’t care how much your friends want you to be “normal again”. I want to know what you need in order to be happy. I want you to know it for your own sake. They don’t need to know but you do.
The impossible stupid childish dream of yours that simply makes you want to… Live?
I don’t care how stupid it is, how unattainable and how much of a moon it is that you want out of the sky, there is one thing I know for sure: If you submit to this mediocrity, if you allow them to tell you what YOU should be happy with… If you decide not to seek happiness but allow this bleh to take over, you will fail to be happy. If you don’t try, you will fail. If you don’t know what would make you happy, you will never find it.
I want you to be happy. I want to help you be happy. Not simply by putting a forced smile on your face and “to try to see the good things you have and how much you have a reason to be grateful for…” If you don’t have the things that would make you feel grateful, then fuck, you don’t. Now the question is, what would make you feel freaking grateful?
Sex or love is not a stupid answer
What would make you happy? Sex? Love? The company of a person with a half a brain, maybe?
Would you believe it’s probably the number one reason for deep unhappiness, the lack of sex or love, or, even the lack of sex life passionate enough? When you’re born with a kinky brain and all you get is vanilla or no sex at all, the NORMAL reaction is to feel depressed about it. What is not normal is the absence of the need to copulate like an animal. We are, after all, animals… But zoo animals have more rights than we do in that regard.
Very few people feel the urge to tell their concerned mother, that the main reason for their depression is that nobody is fucking their brain out. She’d think you’re making fun of her concern.
Literally, the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard…
Are you old enough to remember Curt Cobain? He was a troubled kid from the start, says his family. They couldn’t possibly imagine what on earth could be wrong with him. His mother was interviewed. This is what she said. This is the shit that came out of her mouth… In an INTERVIEW:
“We lived in a lovely town. Idyllic! If you would go to the town, you would see people doing their shopping, paying their bills. Just lovely.”
I don’t remember the exact word-for-word quote, but if someone’s idea of idyllic cradle of happiness is shopping and paying bills, and that there is nothing a person could possibly wish for other than to watch people pay their bills, I don’t know how anyone with a half a brain could survive an environment like that without wanting to shoot oneself in the head. There is nothing wrong with a person who would feel depressed for that, but there’s a lot wrong with a person who doesn’t!!
You’ve got to get out of there. Whatever bill-payers’ paradise you live in, get the hell out. If aunt Moira lives in a more exciting city, move in with aunt Moira. That’s what family is for. :p
What do you really want..?
What do you TRULY want to do? Let’s just toss the ideas of shooting everyone, yourself, or your cat into the bin for a while, there has to be something. What is it that you’ve told yourself that you can’t have or shouldn’t go after? Find it, and then contest your objection that says you can’t have it or it’s too late. Truly argue it with yourself. Why not? Why should you, why could you, how could you? Who said you shouldn’t? Do you know or were you told, there’s a difference.
If you have contemplated suicide so far, take a risk instead. If you’re ready to die, you might as well take your final chance of a life worth living for, right? Like if your alternative is to take a handful of pills maybe, or risk winding up homeless in LA, then maybe homelessness is a risk worth taking, don’t you think?
If you’re not quite at that place yet, make a plan, man. Make a plan. Fuck everybody. (That actually is quite a good plan in itself. LOL)
People who can get depressed can also experience states of happiness normal people cannot even imagine
My final claim is this. I believe normal people (median of emotional IQ, really) are incapable of feeling the range of emotions that are available for people who are even able to get depressed. I believe that you are able to travel as far into the darkness as you are able to travel into the light. I believe depression, quite truly, is the knowledge that you’re supposed to be satisfied with a median level of happiness when you KNOW by either experience or instinct that you are capable of euphoric levels of happiness and pleasure. When that is taken away from you and you are told to be happy with what you’ve got…
I say they simply don’t understand. They are not better people than you or I, they are simply clueless. They don’t know what they are doing to you, to us, but they need to start learning. We, the emotional people, need to start telling them to fucking shove their bullshit and get out of the way.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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