Don’t try to be something you’re not… Unless you think what you are not is “free to do what you want.”

A Young Soul* is often confused about what people mean by this phrase: “Don’t try to be something you’re not.” It usually does kinda refer to “trying to be better than who you are,” but to some people it means things like “don’t think you’re one of those people who get to choose what they do for themselves.” “Don’t think you can improve on who you are, you’re ugly (or whatever else negative) and will always be.”

That is not what Ravens* mean when they say it tho. They mean “stop pretending,” as in you don’t have to be any better than you are in your core, as your authentic being. That you can stop trying to please others all the time, they’re trying to tell you exactly the opposite of what you think they mean: “You’re free to be whatever you want, do whatever you want, stop trying to please other people all the time.”

So… What are you NOT that they’re telling you to stop trying to be? Kind? Patient? A good friend? A loyal spouse? Smart? Fashionable? A trailblazer and a go-getter? The parenting type or marrying type… A dominant in BDSM circles? A poet and a philosopher? A great actor? A freaking ballerina? In love?! If you don’t know what they mean, ask: “What do you think I try to be that I am not exactly?” They likely mean that you’re making yourself miserable trying to be something you’re not, trying to please people who don’t appreciate, or even want or need your effort. (Because it’s ANNOYING when people do this. It’s so very annoying, time-wasting habit… It doesn’t only waste your time but others’ too, and it just gets in the way of people who want to be what you don’t even want to be.)

There ARE people who are kind, patient, good friend, loyal spouse, smart, fashionable, go-getters, parenting type and marrying type, dommies in BDSM, poets, philosophers, great actors, freaking ballerinas, and some people are in love, too, without trying to be. You don’t have to try and be one of them if that’s not how you feel good about yourself. If it doesn’t TEMPT YOU, excite you, and inspire you, then don’t go there. Stop trying to be something you’re not even willing to be. NOBODY worth listening to wants you to STAY miserable. The only time when people ACTUALLY try to make you miserable is when they try to point out to you that YOU ARE NOT HAPPY HERE!!! GO ELSEWHERE, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! GO CHASE A DIFFERENT DREAM!! This is our dream, not yours. Go chase yours. You’re not only free to go, you are in the way here!

Often, so very often, people think they are much more NEEDED and WANTED where they currently are than what they actually are. Often, the feeling comes from other people’s feeling of guilt for not really wanting you there, so they hold this guilty feeling when it comes to the thought of you leaving, which feels very close to sadness about seeing you go… When, truly, they WISH FOR IT. So there’s this negative weight on them about you, and it’s easy to interpret it as “already missing you” kinda feeling.

So, just go. Give up and start chasing your own dream.

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