Fake competence and self-confidence with the Normal Person* Thinking parent.

the Normal Person* are tricky for a Cat Thinking child to understand. A the Cat Thinking child or adult will expect their parent to accept that “OK, the Offspring looks like they know what they’re doing. They’re not going to kill themselves by simply being an idiot. They know how to fill out a form for an unemployment check if nothing else works. All good.” However, the Normal Person* Thinking parent requires relief from duty. They feel they’re working for their children until their child lets them off the hook.

If you feel your parent is in your case all the time or won’t start dating again because she or he needs to look after you, just give them that talk. “I’m good. I can take care of myself now. Even though I’m not that well off, I’m managing.” The downside to this is that the Normal Person* Thinking parents will feel betrayed if you then come back and ask for financial assistance in a tight spot. So you will need to be certain you CAN live on your own no matter how tough it gets before you let your the Normal Person* Thinking parent move on.

The way we try to make them go away only holds them on tigheter.

Us the Savants* try to tell them: “You know, I’m not what you wanted of me, but I’m doing fine.” To them, this means: “I am not what I wanted to be, and it’s your fault. (I know you want for me what I want for myself; therefore, if you’re not happy, it’s because I’m not happy.) You’re not fulfilling your duty toward me.” If you’re frustrated because they meddle in everything (and they do), they interpret your frustration as “you’re not reading my instruction. Do it properly or fuck off. Work harder you bitch/dick!” And they will always choose to work harder until you make it impossible for them to do so by cutting them out of your life violently.

Negotiate your exit from your forever baby -status.

the Normal Person* Thinking parents relax a bit when you marry someone stable. However, you might need to exit before you marry or prevent NOT getting back into your forever baby -status if your marriage breaks down. Whatever your situation, negotiate your exit.

“Mom, Dad, I don’t think I need you for much these days. You can relax and just live your lives. However, I’m taking on this project, and it’s a little risky. I try not to make it your problem, but if I fail miserably, can I count on you to bail me out financially? (If so, up to what amount?) Or can I come back to live with you again if my pursuits fail?”

If you want their backing, you have to admit it. Otherwise, you will grow up and expect nothing from them ever again.

the Savants* don’t really like being taken care of.

the Savants* are not really good with the concept of families. We don’t like being tied to anybody but our romantic lovers. We believe the same is true for everybody else, and it kinda is. Still, the way we express independence is very different from the Normal Person*. The Normal Person* fake where they don’t trust themselves, the Savants* face their fears and insecurities and try to deal with them. They may tell their parents they feel insecure, but NOT expect help from them in the process. They tell they’re struggling, but would anger if the parents tries to help.

the Savants* want to demonstrate to their parents that they are aware of these problems rather than simply blinding themselves from the truth hoping for the best. They tell their parents that they are going into things with their eyes open, but they don’t EXPECT their parents to be there for them. We do feel uncomfortable asking for a backing of any kind, even if we’re aware of the fact that if things go wrong, our parents are our back up plan. The Savants* just don’t want to talk about it.

We fake and pretend different things.

What the Savants* can fake is independence, but we try NOT TO do that because independence and competence is important to us. The Normal Person* fake friendship and support and being loved. Therefore, the difference in the importance of independence vs. being loved and cared for creates a difficulty of communication between these two types of thinkers. The Normal Person* also want to BELIEVE they’re helping their loved ones when in truth they can be in the way and a liability. Therefore, a Cat Thinking child might be in a position where they can give the Normal Person* Thinking parent a task just to keep them busy. There’s a caveat to this, however. That might make the soulmate bond stronger, and that might not be ideal.

the Normal Person* blind themselves from relationship breakups happening, and the Savants* don’t want to see their own lack of independence. An Savant* doesn’t want to rely on another person, because that makes them feel insecure; you can always trust yourself, but the moment you put your trust into another person, you’re in danger. Either they CAN’T help you even if they wanted to, or they won’t because you misread the situation. There might also be an unexpected price in relying on another person. The Normal Person* seem blind to that fear, possibly because they never ask quite the same level of performance as the Savants* must just to find themselves a backup guy.

the Savants* must learn to negotiate the terms of breakups, relationships, and assistance.

To curb their fear of relying on someone, the Savants* will have to learn to negotiate their non-True Emotion Mirror relationships. What are the terms of the contract? What do they expect. When is the relationship ended, and how it can be undone? It is important to figure out what the other party wants out of the relationship or interaction.

the Savants* may also benefit from learning “to assume.” Even though they’d understand what the other party truly wants or wishes for, they should learn to assume that they want the same thing as the Savants*, when the same thing has something to do with dissolving or the relationship or making it more distant one. “I think we have both gotten tired of this…” you know, even if you knew/thought that’s not quite so.

This applies to all non-True Emotion Mirror relationships that seem to be problematic.

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