Fear, money, sexual assaults, worst case scenarios
Most fear in general is irrational and based on the fact that you haven’t thought things through. Many people’s sense of safety is truly just cluelessness and ignorance. There’s a difference in being fearless and clueless. Then, there’s the state of trying to return to the state of cluelessness in order to restore fearlessness.
You fear the truth so much that you don’t want to look at it, and then you allow monsters grow and grow. You scare yourself out of your wits in that way. So to manage that, you’ll try to avoid the fearful thoughts, try to brush them under the carpet, and to calm yourself by trying to NOT think about it.
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, and WRONG!
No, to manage fear, you have to try and scare yourself with the worst possible outcome to whatever you’re doing. Try and find the most awful thing that could happen to you. Then, you plan ahead so that the outcomes that are ACTUALLY scary won’t be as likely to occur, and you’ll also notice that the stuff you fear the most is probably not that bad anyway.
When you do this as much as you can, fewer things sneak up on you and you’ll find things much easier to handle.
Breakup, divorce, friends dumping you. Oh boy.
Monsters live in the dark. When you go into a relationship with blinders on, don’t be surprised when something goes wrong. You’ll live in fear and insecurity with that person for as long as you’re together if you’ve based your relationship on a lie you told yourself on their behalf… Or believed a lie or semi-truth to be the full one.
You know people vow to be faithful to you on their wedding day and cheat on you without a second thought as soon as the honeymoon is over. I don’t mean ALL people, maybe not even most, but there are signs you can look for. One of the BIGGEST warning signs is your unwillingness to consider this in people when you first meet them.
Living life with a constant attempt to edit reality into a prettier form is a guarantee you will never find certainty in anything… Because you know you don’t look for reliable things in your life, and thus… You can’t rely on anything or anyone you have.
Reliable people who love you exist. Compatible people exist. Don’t be too lazy to find them. That’s laziness just taken way too far.
Money
The scariest thing beyond getting your kid shot by a random mass shooter is probably money. (Maybe would be wise to relocate your family somewhere where guns are not considered a human right or hard-core security system.) However, money is much less a real monster.
Balance your accounts, keep on top of your bills, and don’t live beyond your means. If you keep spending less than what you’ve got, you can’t over-spend. Therefore, you’ll just have to make sure you know what’s your spending limit… And spend less. If you suck at keeping track of your account balance, cut up your credit cards, get a bank account that has a mobile access to it so you can always check your balance, and only use cash or debit cards. Avoid anything post-paid or any loans, do not buy into payment plans, subscriptions, or anything of the sort without thinking twice.
Do not spend money you don’t have if money scares you. Only spend money you’ve already made. The money you have in your pocket. Only commit to payments you know you can comfortably handle.
Do not take out loans if money is tight. Loans are for rich people.
Loans are the suck. Don’t take loans from anyone if you can avoid it. Think of loans as a deal with the Devil.
Do not borrow money from a friend, not a family member, not the bank. Definitely not a quick loan -shark. IF you have to take a loan, ONLY lend from your own parents, avoid lending from your siblings. If your parents haven’t got money, neither do you. Then you just have to make some money. To get a job. And not spend your paycheck before you’ve got it in your pocket, idiot… Or the first day you’ve got it. If you have money left over the day before your next payday, heck, go to town, have a drink. But if you’re smart, you’ll invest that money or save it for the rainy day if you’re tight on money.
Learn to enjoy cheap things for as long as you need to. Stop thinking you’re rich before you’re rich. Don’t connect your self-worth to the money you’re spending. EARN the money first. The money you have is supposed to make you feel like a winner, rather than letting the money you don’t have make you a slave.
Loans will cripple you if you loan on a dream
Sure, it would make sense that in the next few months you’ll get back on your feet and you’ll be able to pay back the loan you got.
The hell you will, tho.
If making money in a couple of months is that easy, you can well wait for that long to start making money. Do not invest in a business that hasn’t got a proven conversion rate yet. You must be able to sell your product predictably before you invest a large sum of money IN YOUR FIRST BUSINESS. Your first business must be a shoelace company… OR you only invest money you made when you sold your soul for a few years as an employee to a company that paid you a good rate and you saved it up to start a business.
Do not borrow money when you don’t know your future income levels without having to guess more than 20%, or hope for an effin’ miracle. Also, life isn’t fair, so don’t count on your “right to good luck” to be kicking in any time soon.
Pay your bills as soon as they arrive
Don’t even check the due by date if you have money on your account. The due by date is for struggling people, who should work hard to get back on top of things and stay there. If you have money in your account, consider yourself lucky to be able to pay the bill. If you’re not happy paying the bill, make a note of the fact that owning that thing isn’t worth the money you’re spending on it… And cancel it or downsize or whatever.
Learn to enjoy things you buy with PLEASURE. Stop wasting money on things you don’t want to see the bill for and feel the joy of being able to foot that bill.
Do not have kids until you can afford them
Please love your children more than having them when you can barely feed yourself reliably. This world doesn’t need your children. Learn to not be a burden yourself, first, and THEN add to the gene pool if you need to, but stop thinking having children is selfless because it’s anything but… And it should NEVER be regarded as a selfless act, as heck, it’s the thing most people live for and find meaning from. How is that going to be selfless? If you think that you deserve a halo for having children, then you’re really not supposed to be a parent. It’s a privilege you earn, not a burden you bear.
And yet, you can have children and force them to tolerate your irresponsible spending habits and a lack of a job if you want… But that will simply show what kind of a person you are, exactly.
(If I hear one more single mom boast about having worked 3 jobs to keep her kids fed, I will fucking scream.)
Having poor finances and an unstable life when you’re starting a family is a recipe for a disaster and a source of continuous stress and drama for your children and yourself. Not solving your financial situation prior to having children irresponsible as F toward the children you so claim to love and want. And if you don’t believe in abortion, then don’t fucking fuck people! The only excuse you will have in my books is that you got raped and you can’t kill a fetus, every other reason is BULLSHIT… And that one too if you got yourself drunk and into an irresponsible state and blah blah. I’m not victim-blaming, either, I’m stupid blaming. Us women should be able to walk around freely, blind drunk, and incoherent without fear, but that, bitches, ain’t reality, and if you don’t live accordingly, stupid tax is collected in a number of different ways in this world.
Don’t count on people living by your moral code
Life isn’t fair. People aren’t fair. People lie. They cheat and they steal.
You can live your life partially blindfolded and photoshop your reality into something Disney would be proud of, think that everything will be fine, and then fight your better judgment from here to your grave but that won’t make you feel safe. Just because men shouldn’t rape you if you’re dressed in a short skirt and you pass out in a park, don’t be effing surprised that some man will rape you… Or some girl won’t take a photo of you just to laugh at you on the Internet. The likelihood that a nice guy will find you and call the cops to take you somewhere safer is much higher than you getting raped, but it’s just a matter of luck who walks by first, isn’t it?
Stop counting on luck, justice, and how things “should be” in your opinion. That guy who walks by and sees an opportunity probably thinks the way things should be is that half-naked drunk girls fall out of the sky in his path, and heck, in this case, he got his wish, and you didn’t. Don’t tempt fate on a feminist ideal! Also, note that there is a strong psychological motivation in people to let fate punish people for irresponsibility and stupidity. Don’t be that person who gives others the gut reaction of “she/he deserved it for sheer idiocy”. In that sense, life is fair. You act stupid, you pay for it… Unless you’re lucky.
Don’t expect yourself to be stronger or braver than you are
Don’t make yourself do things you’re afraid of due to knowing you can’t handle those things. Don’t shame yourself for not being as physically strong as another person, particularly if you’re a girl and you assume that without training and steroids, you should still be able to fight of a man twice your size. Don’t put yourself in situations where that kind of thing could happen.
Don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards or expectations, or compare yourself to perfect people when you’re not. Be humble for your own sake. Realistic.
Reality isn’t scary, normally. Imagination is terrifying. Stupid expectations of reality that don’t match it at all are scary when things don’t go the way you think they “should”.
Glorifying blind trust as a virtue should be a sin
Expecting yourself or others to have blind trust in other people or situations should be a freaking mortal sin. Do not trust your girlfriends, boyfriends, or friends or even family members blindly. That’s about as scary as you can make your life to be! I’m not saying be suspicious by default, it’s just that when your suspicions arise, don’t dampen them down with a lecture at yourself for not being trusting enough.
You don’t want to be too trusting! Blind trust is not a safe path to follow. Blind trust is for those who want to get mugged, swindled, raped, or murdered for the excitement factor, not for people who want to stay safe.
Guns
I don’t think there’s much a person can say to a person who is desperately clutching onto his rifle thinking that’s his only real protection, so here’s the thing. If you don’t like guns any more than I do, then you’ll need to consider relocating somewhere where having a family is actually safe. America was populated by people looking for a better future, it can be vacated with the same motivation. Just saying.
And as for American Indians… I’m sorry that things are not fair. They never have been and they never will be. Territories have always been won by the bloodshed. You’ve done it, we’ve done it, it’s just that Europeans are fucking good at bloodshed. Accept it and move on. Or don’t. Peaceful people of all cultures have always moved away from a territory not worth fighting for. Mother Earth is the same everywhere, but the people are not.
Once Covid clears… Get the fuck out of there.
Earth
Earth isn’t limited to your country. The Universe isn’t limited to our planet. First, think of yourself as a citizen of this Earth, not a specific location on it. You live on Earth. We all do. Love Earth, not your country so much. Earth, anywhere, everywhere, is a gift to be explored… Or protected.
Decide what is worth dying for, putting up with, avoiding, working for… Don’t let others tell you what each of those things are. Don’t say patriotism is more important than the life of your children.
Don’t be afraid of considering the possibility your country isn’t superior because you were born in it… Like George Bernard Shaw quipped.
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