Fear responses; flight, fight, or cry?

Usually, psychology calls it the flight or fight response, when, it truly should have a third option in there; cry.

Granted, the cry-response is effectively a child’s response, but many adults, particularly women, still react to fear with tears rather than fight or flight. It comes from the feeling that they cannot cope with the world alone, therefore, they cannot LEAVE, but they may feel they can fight it out. FLIGHT is actually the most grown-up response, as it denotes the knowledge that “I can survive on my own”. Fighting is often quite a lot riskier than what the benefit of fighting will bring you, therefore flight is a measured adult response: “I may lose friends, money, status, face… but I’ll survive intact without being injured or having to tolerate continued abuse. I will rebuild elsewhere. I can REGAIN what I will lose here ELSEWHERE.”

The fight is the response of either self-confidence or desperation. “I can take on this fight with relative ease, as an OPTION to fleeing, and I feel my odds are in my favor, therefore, I fight.”

Crying is a response of a child (or an insecure adult): “I cannot survive on my own, I am too small to fight, therefore, I can only show I am not a threat and am willing to submit in exchange for comfort and care.”

There is also the withdrawal response, which means not out and out scampering away in a panic, but simply stepping back and living on the edges of the community or family while awaiting better opportunities to leave or gain space. “I am safe enough here, and my future outside is uncertain. Therefore, I will keep to myself as much as possible, take part in mutual duties enough to earn my keep, but at my earliest opportunity, I will build my independent life (with someone else).”

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