Flirtation without expectations is very sexy – unfortunately usually targeted at people we’re not that into.

Here’s another one of life’s big mysteries solved. Why do you attract people who you’re not that interested in? I shall tell you: Being nice to someone you’re not really interested is much easier than to be nice to someone you admire and want to like you more.

Me, for example, my flirt game with other women – top notch. Why? I have 0 personal expectations from them, I have no horse in that race – I don’t need their friendship any more than I need their love let alone their sexual attention. I’m fully relaxed, I can just focus on making them feel good about me there. Why do I do it, you might ask? I don’t want women to hate me, I want to tell them “I’m not the enemy” but I can come off flirty as f. (Of course, I only flirt with women who are somewhat ‘too close’ to me.)

When it came to my True Emotion Mirror, whom I would have given my right arm if he would think that’d make me a little sexier than my 2-armed version… Um… I sit next to him, stunted and without words. Trying hard to think of just one witty thing to say…. Or even something that wouldn’t sound entirely fake, stupid, or desperate. And at that age, I was already the queen of flirt. No matter how handsome, I didn’t care. I’d talk until he swooned. Him. I felt like the 12-year-old loser I hated to be. (Yes. I use the word ‘loser,’ deal, losers.  It’s only going to be forever if you can’t accept you need to change.)

True Love puts a sock in it. 🙁

True love has a habit of putting a sock into it. But… Maybe you can get it out. Here’s the remedy that actually helped me to stop being such a fucking loser to begin with, but I just couldn’t apply it across the board yet: It doesn’t matter if they don’t like you back. That’s not the point. Your job is to make them like themselves more. Once they connect liking themselves more when you’re around, they’ll like you, too, but that also shouldn’t be the motivation. If you like someone, it’s only fair you make them like themselves, too, and don’t think that’s a given.

No matter who someone is, to themselves, they’re ordinary. THE MOST COMMON PERSON IN THE WORLD, the one they can’t stop being. And everybody needs to hear they’re doing good – and the ones who need to hear it most, usually can’t handle it too well… If they seem awkward, make the compliment smaller until it’s small enough to crack through the fear of actually being loved or cared for or accepted for who they are. (People are very cautious of handsome men and beautiful women, and they’re used to being attacked but not really complimented – sucked up to, yes, but complemented without an ulterior motive, no.)

It has to be about them, not about what you’re going to get out of it.

If you flirt with anyone with the primary motivation of manipulating their feelings in your favor, you’re going to lose them. The compliment must be genuine: “Take it, it’s yours; you can use that bit of self-confidence in any relationship you might want.” A good compliment is a gift card, valid in any store. And that’s why flirting with hot (to you) people is such a difficult game. You want something out of them and the last thing you want is for them to take your compliment and use the power it gave them on someone else.

But love is…

Selfless.

Just like the lack of it, as far as flirting goes.

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