Following your feelings to everything…

If I finally made it, if I am rich, famous, and utterly in love with several men, you know I’ve made it… Without breaking a sweat. Without “hustling,” without stepping on people’s toes and elbowing my way to what I want. Every step of the way – at least most of it – I went with my gut feeling, even if it made little to no sense. “Start a Second Life account.” “Spend hundreds of dollars on Second Life avatar and land, even though you’ve got no extra money to put on nonsense.” “Don’t chase the guy – sure, he’s got more takers than he can count – let him marry someone else, it doesn’t matter…” I’ve made countless of decisions that seem completely counter-productive instinctively. I had snoozes when I felt like it and ate like crap until I no longer did… Basically, letting a broken tooth rot in my mouth – I’m still figuring out what the f is that about. (Maybe there’s a sexy dentist I’m supposed to meet who takes pity on my inability to care for my dental hygiene and marries me on the spot?) I probably shouldn’t have shared that, but there you go.

How? I think it’s accumulated past life experience. To learn not to spend energy on a fight that is not winnable at the moment. Maybe the only progress you can make is to inch your way to the door. Maybe your enemies are watching, and you need to learn to crawl through a tunnel to get out. Occasionally, I test the windmills I’m fighting, and if they’re still there, I sit back down. I am unsure if you can learn it from someone else; I think you just have to learn not to fight things too much. You can’t stay completely passive, either, I don’t think, because nobody will know what you want, and they can’t help you get out of your rut if they don’t know you ARE in a rut. You still have to CARE, right?

Then, some people only fight against what they know is theirs for good. You know, as you fight against your lover knowing they’ll bed you anyway, and it’s just a game… With someone else, you don’t want to say a bad word to them, so they don’t get discouraged because they’re not sure about you or you’re not sure about them. But, if you’re sure you don’t want something, and it keeps coming at you, you can fight it or simply not react to it if it’s that kind of a thing. Like extreme pacifism, you let the conquerers to your land and refuse to treat them as such. You just go about your days giving 0 shits about who thinks is ruling over you. But there’s a time and place for everything, I believe. Sometimes you have no option but to fight. When your opponent doesn’t even know they’re unwelcome or are so aware of it that they’re destroying things just to let out steam. Acting emotionally, it’s usually best to do something to protect yourself and others, but everything has its time.

I’ve learned to stop fighting even more things in this lifetime than what I’ve… not fought before. I no longer fight against what I am for one thing. I’m learning to let people who I don’t love me regardless, but just not react to it – to let people love me even though I have no love to give in return. I’ve always felt wrong about that, but sometimes you just have to let people exhaust their feelings, as they may feel you’re “fighting your true nature” rather than them. I’m still learning that.

And sometimes you have to figure out what it is that you are fighting – are you stopping yourself from trying because you fear you’re fighting rather than simply… Lifting the weight that must be lifted? When is the energy spent worth it? It’s a tricky balance, and as such, I cannot give YOU your answers, but I can suggest you pay attention to it… What would happen if you didn’t fight it, didn’t do it, didn’t push? What if you just gave up the push? What would happen? Can you feel it? If it’s not the best result, best keep on pushing.

Sometimes you have to stop progress altogether to clear rubbish you’ve left behind in other busy lifetimes. You have to stop doing what you’ve always lived to do: do a good spring cleaning in your spiritual energies and drop some old baggage. So you do it, and you basically put your life on hold so you can rest assured the next few thousand years will be a breeze. And all this, you do at the time that feels right. When you feel you are SO CLOSE to completion of thousands of years worth of pondering that now, you hunker down, and finish your thing. It’s just a burn in you; THIS must be done, no matter what, no matter who looks at you with a grin on their face. After all, it’s your thousands of years of wisdom against their minute of ignorance about who you are and what you are about.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message