Former Relationship Virtues You Should Retire or Redefine

Loyalty?

While loyalty is a good thing in some sense, in another, it is a precondition to continued abuse. Loyalty SHOULD mean the attempt to always stand by your lover or a friend who is worthy of that loyalty, to treat them with respect and love, but it SHOULD NOT mean that you forgive abuse time after time after time to avoid being called “unloyal.” Learn to identify situations when someone uses these ideals against you as a manipulative strategy.

Everyone Deserves a Chance?

You KNOW how a new relationship will wind up before it has even started, don’t you? You may, for instance, know that you’ll never be attracted or impressed ENOUGH by a specific person, no matter how positively they might surprise you. You’d never think of them in a way that you’d feel genuinely proud, happy, and amazed by your good luck to be their friend or a partner, and if that’s the way you (don’t) feel, you shouldn’t give them a chance; that wastes everyone’s time and youth.

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance?

Some people are worth everything to you, and others are not worth the drama. Forgive people only when it’s a favor to yourself to give them another chance. If it feels like you’re doing THEM a favor by giving them another chance… No. Let them go, and find another shmuck to swindle. Gradually, by not forgiving, you will wind up with soulmates who do not NEED your forgiveness.

Should you be friends with everybody?

Friends are special. If you are friends with everybody, your friendships remain superficial. While staying friendly and polite enough, keep your acquaintances cool and distant and your friendships warm and close. To this end, learn to live friendless if you feel there are no people you like around you.

Especially beautiful people get bombarded with this idea that you have to accept everybody and give them the glorious attention of your perfect features but ignore that. Your beauty is not for EVERYBODY to enjoy, just your Chakral Spirit Mirrors and up from there. (Your sexually-bonded soulmates of all levels.)

Don’t look for a “perfect relationship”?

Another thing that people use to coax you to lower your expectations (and thus, your bar) in friendships and love is the idea that perfect relationships don’t exist. This is undoubtedly true for those who give up looking for them.

Are relationships hard work?

While sometimes relationships might be hard work, staying in love with someone shouldn’t be. Suppose the work you do on your relationship mainly consists of maintaining interest and focusing on your partner, and rekindling the passion ALL THE TIME because it doesn’t happen on its own. In that case, that relationship is not the kind you should be working on. Staying MADLY in love should be easy, even when the relationship itself demands all your time and effort to get it right.

Like forgiveness, work hard on relationships worth it to you. Stop being bullied into staying in those who are JUST hard work and very little joy.

Are you keeping the peace?

A toxic relationship dynamic depends on a person who wants to keep the peace at all times. Without a peacekeeper, this relationship would eventually dissolve in its impossibility. A peacekeeper holds their true feelings to themselves, doesn’t criticize their partner or family members, or make them aware of their sometimes unkind and disrespectful thoughts. A peacekeeper leaves their partner or friend to the false belief that they love their partner, even fear and admire them as they never get push back from them. Constant peacekeeping is unhealthy and depends on the peacekeeper to stop keeping the peace.

Are you a peacekeeper because you fear the relationship ending or because you do not intend to stay in it, by the way?

Women are good at relationships?

You may have been told that women are better at relationships than men are, and thus, you, as a good man, will listen to your wife on everything. Don’t. Make no mistake: some women ARE toxic in relationships, and they may also inform you that the reason why things don’t work is that you don’t know how relationships work… Namely that you should worship her and serve her every need and if you don’t, you don’t know how relationships work!

You decide what matters to you in your relationships.

Then, there is the eternal debate over what things matter in a relationship and which don’t. Quite short and simply: they’re YOUR relationships. You do get a full range of decisions about what matters to you in those relationships. If you don’t like it, walk!

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